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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say we have it a lot worse?

200 replies

NorthEast322 · 19/12/2020 22:26

Not being able to see my DP who I have been with for 2 and a half years because of coronavirus? He is everything to me but we live apart and cannot be together. Most likely won't even see each other until Easter if we are lucky.
Yes we have kept our jobs and nobody has died/we have not had the virus but aibu to say this is unbelievably tough on us and to not know how we will get through it?

OP posts:
Everybodyfednobodydead · 19/12/2020 22:56

What are these other couples you mention complaining of though?
Oh sorry you've lost your jobs, income and home. Sorry you lost a close relative but at least you 2 are able to be together 🙄
I understand you're upset but you and your partner have jobs and are healthy. Be grateful for that

Josette77 · 19/12/2020 22:57

Why can't you live together?

Dishwashersaurous · 19/12/2020 22:57

So move in together.

There is a solution, but you don’t want to do it

TooTrueToBeGood · 19/12/2020 22:58

People have died, people have lost their jobs and many will end up losing their homes, people have seen businesses that they spent their lives building up collapse overnight and you think you've got it worse because you can't see your squeeze for a few weeks?

TheSilentStars · 19/12/2020 22:58

It's a shame you only realised he was your "everything" once the restrictions got tough, isn't it?
Had you only realised beforehand, you'd be living together now.
I'm sure the people who had to watch their parent's funerals on a webcast are gutted for you.

Em8725 · 19/12/2020 23:00

It’s been confirmed it’s highly likely that one of my grandparents will be having their last Christmas this week. I can’t see them because I’m not in their support bubble, and in a different tier to them.

I don’t want sympathy, I’ve made my peace with the situation, but I’d think about getting this thread removed.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/12/2020 23:01

This has to be a joke surely?

Royalbloo · 19/12/2020 23:03

Iminaglasscaseofemotion I really hope it is but I fear the worst

FromDespairToHere · 19/12/2020 23:04

I don't live with my DP either, I don't think it's that shocking to not live together is it? We have been together 10 years and it works for us.

The first lockdown was hard but we facetimed most days. As he lives alone he's now in a bubble with DD and me so we are still seeing each other now. I'm pretty sure tier 4 still allows for support bubbles?

I get you're upset and I think people are being harsh because I think you've posted in the heat of your emotions, but you have worded you op extremely badly. Back in the 80s my dad lived in Saudi for a year. He and my DM wrote to each other mainly, with extremely rare phone calls maybe once a month. If you love each other you'll get through it, love finds a way!

feistymumma · 19/12/2020 23:05

This is just ridiculous. He is alive and kicking and you can FaceTime. All of us are missing our relatives etc but that is the reality of the situation. I just cannot understand this, it's as if your life has ended when it hasn't.

ilikebooksandplants · 19/12/2020 23:05

My heart goes out to you OP. The situation you are in is absolutely shite.

Try and look on the bright side though. I was in a long distance relationship (different continents) and we managed. We had ‘Skype dates’ (as it was back then!) and we made it work. This won’t be forever.

tinselfest · 19/12/2020 23:07

Easter, eh?

I wouldn't bank on it.

Nousernamesleftatall · 19/12/2020 23:09

Just see him as long as you are not sick. Seriously. 2020 the year common sense died.

Bagamoyo1 · 19/12/2020 23:11

Why isn’t he your support bubble?

SheilaWilcox · 19/12/2020 23:12

It is shit for you...and everyone else though.

My friend's husband died this week. I have no idea how to comfort her. I can't even go and give her a hug.

Keep going, keep reminding yourself how good it will be when you see your DP again. Look after your mental health too. I know you're gutted, but you WILL come out the other side.

Ginger1982 · 19/12/2020 23:17

How far apart do you live?

Arthersleep · 19/12/2020 23:18

I too don't understand why you couldn't form a single household, even if you worked away from home. However, when I was a student, I met my now husband. He was in his final year and was from Canada. I was in my first year. I could only afford to fly out to see him every six months after he returned home. We endured several years of living in different countries and made big sacrifices. 26 years on and he is lying next to me asleep in bed whilst our lovely children are asleep in the room next door. Those early sacrifices, as hard as they were, built a good foundation for our relationship and I have a sense of a real gratitude that we are together and no longer apart, even all these years later. I would recommend writing traditional old style letters to each other too. Embrace the romance! I do feel for you, but if it's a strong relationship it will survive.

SonjaMorgan · 19/12/2020 23:20

I think some posters are being unnecessarily cruel. You are allowed to feel upset and fed up OP. I have had to live apart from my DH for months at a time before and hated it. Do you have anyone you can bubble with over Christmas?

Brighterthansunflowers · 19/12/2020 23:21

People have died, people have lost their jobs, people haven’t had medical treatment they urgently need, people haven’t seen their family for months.

YABU to think you have it worse because you’ve chosen not to live together

lyralalala · 19/12/2020 23:21

You seen each other a month ago. You could be each other's support bubble. You could live together, but have decided no to do so.

There are many, many people in a worse situation than you.

It's one thing having a moan about your own situation, but competitive woe-is-me is deeply distasteful.

peboh · 19/12/2020 23:21

Have it a lot worse than who?

mynameiscalypso · 19/12/2020 23:21

Almost every relationship that I know has involved serious time apart either because of work, immigration reasons or just life. You just get on with it don't you?

Bahhhhhumbug · 19/12/2020 23:23

Well if you can't live together because of your work, then something or one of you has got to give. Otherwise how can you have a future together, unless one of you or both of you make a sacrifice and relocate. After two and a half years l would think this should have been considered already if you

Bahhhhhumbug · 19/12/2020 23:24

are both serious about you relationship.

liverbird10 · 19/12/2020 23:29

I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this, and you're clearly upset. I hope things improve for you soon.

However, "have it worse?" Really? Come on.