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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say we have it a lot worse?

200 replies

NorthEast322 · 19/12/2020 22:26

Not being able to see my DP who I have been with for 2 and a half years because of coronavirus? He is everything to me but we live apart and cannot be together. Most likely won't even see each other until Easter if we are lucky.
Yes we have kept our jobs and nobody has died/we have not had the virus but aibu to say this is unbelievably tough on us and to not know how we will get through it?

OP posts:
dingoesatemybaby · 19/12/2020 23:30

Big girl pants.

Put them on OP.

Nunoftheother · 19/12/2020 23:31

it does annoy me how other people particularly couples are complaining when at least they can actually be together physically

It does annoy me how people in couples complain about not being able to see each other for a few weeks when I'm completely alone and still will be when all this ends.

But where does it end? I haven't lost a loved one or my job, so compared to some people I'm fortunate.

m0therofdragons · 19/12/2020 23:32

You can meet him outside. Not ideal but doable. If you’re both single surely you can bubble with him?

Gson · 19/12/2020 23:32

I’m sorry, that really does sound rubbish especially over this time of year. If it makes you feel better, I’m not spending Xmas with my DP either.
Rules are changing all the time. Although things seem bleak at the moment, stay hopeful for the new year that you can see your DP sooner than Easter x

SleepingStandingUp · 19/12/2020 23:33

@NorthEast322

Just because we don't live together doesn't mean he isn't everything to me. Circumstances just mean we can't live together at this time but that doesn't change the fact that our relationship matters. I should have worded it better. Obviously there is a lot of pain going on in the world but it does annoy me how other people particularly couples are complaining when at least they can actually be together physically.
How dare you complain about losing your job, your career, your business, your home - at least you'll be together under the bridge.

How dare you complain about losing a neighbour, a relative, a parent, a child - at least you'll be together at the funeral.

Is that it op? If you can't imagine anything worse than being seperated for a few months when you can call and Skype every day, you really must live a privileged life.

Come on and post about how hard it is and how shit it is, no one will disagree. But you're not going to win Top Trumps cos you can't see each other for a few months

MaxNormal · 19/12/2020 23:35

People have died, people have lost their jobs and many will end up losing their homes, people have seen businesses that they spent their lives building up collapse overnight and you think you've got it worse because you can't see your squeeze for a few weeks?

We lost a year's income and our future is looking very uncertain but I still sympathise greatly with OPs predicament.

God, everyone is so harsh and nasty and condescending and then they go mad if you don't sacrifice your last penny and scrap of mental health to "keep them safe".

BillysMyBunny · 19/12/2020 23:39

It does annoy me how people in couples complain about not being able to see each other for a few weeks when I'm completely alone and still will be when all this ends.

I feel exactly the same. At least those in couples can phone and FaceTime and text even if they can’t be together physically. I live alone and am not in a relationship and I feel like that’s far lonelier.

I also think it’s completely dramatic to be saying you won’t see him until Easter now, that is just an arbitrary date you have made up in your head without anything official to back it up. As things stand right now you haven’t seen him in only a few weeks so this post sounds rather self-centred and over the top.

YouokHun · 19/12/2020 23:43

I’m sorry you’re upset @NorthEast322 and I agree with others that it’s not a competition; different people cope with different things in their own way. There is no scale of tragedy in this situation, the whole thing is awful and everyone has some cross to bear. If there was a scale of tragedy I’d be scoring pretty high, I’ve lost a young relative to Covid and my father is dying now with his last Christmas now cancelled, I’ve got depressed teenagers doing GCSEs and A Levels (or trying to) and we are in Tier 4, but there isn’t a scale of tragedy, every way you turn someone is worse off and the sunny cheerful person may be suffering greatly. Others have had problems with employment or losing their businesses, others are working in hugely stressful and risky jobs. Some of those couples thrown together are feeling the strain and there has been a huge surge in domestic abuse. Some are gravely I’ll because they haven’t received the treatment they should have had and would have had under normal circumstances. Though I’ve had my horrible losses I also have good fortune; a steady job that is not affected and a loving family. One thing is for sure, nobody remains untouched by this. You simply have to count your blessings OP; work out a plan of when you might possibly see each other and get your head down and work towards it. And yes, it is tough.

ktp100 · 19/12/2020 23:45

Of course it's tough, but tens of thousands of people have lost family members!!

Get the fuck over yourself.

Nousernamesleftatall · 19/12/2020 23:51

@ktp100 tens of thousands of people lose family members every single year and I bet you still have problems? Next time in any given year you feel you have it tough you should get over yourself.

LadyCatStark · 19/12/2020 23:56

Worse than who? NHS workers? Nope. Military personnel who are working abroad? Nope. People who’ve lost a loved one forever? Nope. People who are in hospital themselves? Nope. People who’ve lost their job? Nope. People who’re stuck in a nursing home unable to see their family? Nope. People who are having a mental health crisis? Nope. People who can’t get cancer treatment or other treatment? Nope.

Whatamess666 · 19/12/2020 23:58

No one wins this game.

ATieLikeRichardGere · 19/12/2020 23:58

Stop being horrible everyone! Everyone is having a difficult time and the OP is just asking for permission to acknowledge that indeed what she is going through is hard.

OP that does sound really difficult. I think you need to find strategies to feel closer to one another and plan things to look forward to however small. I hope you start to feel some more hope soon.

user1471447924 · 20/12/2020 00:02

Goodness me. 🙄

ktp100 · 20/12/2020 00:09

@ktp100 tens of thousands of people lose family members every single year and I bet you still have problems? Next time in any given year you feel you have it tough you should get over yourself

@Nousernamesleftatall Did you read her fucking tag line? 'To say we have it a lot worse'??!!

This isn't about problems, everyone has problems. You've got to be some next level arsehole though to think that you've got it much worse because you can't see your boyfriend when so many people have lost loved ones, livelihoods, their long-term health etc.

This is the most misjudged and self indulgent header I've seen in quite some time.

And no, I don't think she's got it a lot fucking worse!!

Itsnotagazebo · 20/12/2020 00:11

It was November you were last together?

Nah you ain't t got it the worst.

TutiFrutti · 20/12/2020 00:15

@NorthEast322
Well everyone has their own breaking point I suppose, some people cope with tough times better than others.
Not a good idea to compare really, like they say there's always someone worse off than you.
Better to try and make the most of what you DO have.

AcornAutumn · 20/12/2020 00:18

@NorthEast322

I do think the travel ban and not being able to go into each others homes will last until Easter if not longer.
What’s the bubble situation for you?
Fcuk38 · 20/12/2020 00:36

Quite frankly you need to grow some balls and some resilience. What on earth is wrong with people.

Sally872 · 20/12/2020 00:40

Yabu. Lots of people have had it worse for many reasons (in no particular order) Keyworkers, new mums (especially first time new mums), school leavers, exam students, shielders, the elderly, those who have had NHS treatment postponed, care home residents, care home staff and of course those who have died and their families.

Even those in easier circumstances have still struggled at many points.

Yanbu to say you have if hard, it is rubbish and you miss him. But no need to compare with others.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 20/12/2020 00:41

There has been a lot of annoyances from the pandemic. Quite near the top of that list is people love to jump up with “well, l have had it worse because...”. Then trot out some random reason. I don’t think anyone has had it easy, your situation isn’t that special or unique Confused If you were that fussed, they you would move in together

Cocomarine · 20/12/2020 00:49

“Unbelievably tough”

🤣

SenorFrog · 20/12/2020 00:59

My aunt hasn't seen my uncle since august when he was taken into a nursing home, 62 years they've been married. If he dies, she'll never see him again. I'm sure she'll feel terrible for you.

Janonomouse · 20/12/2020 01:01

One of the most tone deaf things I've ever read...

BlusteryLake · 20/12/2020 03:08

At this point in all in this, everyone is allowed to feel miserable about their personal situation ; nobody is having a jolly old party. I really wouldn't turn it into a misery-off though. Everyone is having a rubbish time - some people have died or a close relative has, some people have lost their jobs, some people are watching their children's education falling apart. I don't think your situation is worse than any of those myself, but as I say, it's not healthy to keep comparing.