To report this even though my dd could get in trouble?

[DannyOD]

I live in London. Very high rates of Covid and rising. It is DD’s best friend’s 21st birthday and she is having a party. We are not happy about her attending and have told her so but she is insisting on going. Her cousins were 18 and 21 this year and have managed without celebrating!! I am friends with her best friends Mum and have told her of my worries but she is all breezy about it saying they have a marquee so they can go in the garden (still not allowed). So WIBU to anonymously report the party even though it could get them all in trouble? Or should I just cross my fingers and hope for the best?

Surely this is a party that should be cancelled but sadly there are always people who think rules don’t apply to them
I feel sorry for the birthday girl but I feel more sorry for a very elderly family friend who lives alone, has very poor eyesight and was looking forward to spending Christmas with her son and wife who were travelling up from London to be with her. They won’t be doing that now and it’s hard not to think that the reason tonight’s new rules have been introduced is because of people like OPs friend. No one likes to disappoint their children but sometimes it has to be done. 21 year olds are adults, I know, but as the party is taking place in the family home the mother should be putting her foot down and cancelling it
As to whether I’d report her I honestly don’t know but I’d be doing my level best to persuade my own daughter not to go. In truth I’d be very disappointed if I had to persuade her, I’d like to think she would make the decision for herself.

You don’t have to be Einstein to work out the contribution this party could make to the spread of the virus if someone there is carrying it

.

@FTEngineerM

Also, from a virus spreading perspective it’s totally pointless reporting.

1. as far as I’m aware there’s no way to stop it happening, ‘conspiring to have a gathering’ isn’t a crime.

2. reporting whilst they’re all there is after they’ve all been in contact so any transfer of virus would probably have taken place.

What exactly do you gain? Nothing but knowing a few young kids having their evening ruined half way through and may need to pay for it.

I would imagine that the risk is many times lower if it’s broken up before the party gets going rather than allowed to proceed in full swing and the associated lapses in social distancing that will inevitably follow.

Mind your own business FFS

I have a son who just turned 21, in London, and I wouldn't report. As a columnist in The Times pointed out today, even in war zones children can't help playing amid the falling bombs.

But I fully understand why some of you would. All I would remind you is that if you wish to act morally, you must do so FULLY:
you must tell both the hosting mother, who you say is a friend, and your daughter before you report. If you don't have the courage to do that, then you cannot expect the birthday girl, her mother, or your daughter to have the courage to resist a rare chance to have fun. An anonymous report to the police is immoral.

Granny coming over for a quick visit etc i'd turn a blind eye
but this i'd say even if you didnt report it a Neighbour would

All this MYOB is why we have a tier 4 in the first place though, isn't it?

Who will pay the fine? At a recent student party all the partygoers were fined £10,000 each. Could cost you that as well as your DDs respect.

I wouldn't.. but after todays announcement I'd be surprised if no one else does..depending on how pissed off people are feeling.

a few young kids having their evening ruined

'Young kids'?? These are adults aged around 21. They're not 5yos being told that the visit to Father Christmas is cancelled.

@Standandwait

I have a son who just turned 21, in London, and I wouldn't report. As a columnist in The Times pointed out today, even in war zones children can't help playing amid the falling bombs.

But I fully understand why some of you would. All I would remind you is that if you wish to act morally, you must do so FULLY:
you must tell both the hosting mother, who you say is a friend, and your daughter before you report. If you don't have the courage to do that, then you cannot expect the birthday girl, her mother, or your daughter to have the courage to resist a rare chance to have fun. An anonymous report to the police is immoral.

But they're not playing amongst the bombs, they could be dropping the bombs themselves! They have a responsibility to regulate their behaviour, unlike children in a war that can't do anything to change what is happening.

Forest please just behave like an adult with adult responsibilities.
To suggest that adults in the current serious situation would behave like silly playground 'nasty girls' insults the intelligence of most of us on Mumsnet. And might have tragic, deadly consequences.

Of course, if you and your friends behave like that, well....

She could be fined thousands... I'd understand disliking it but I think it would shatter your relationship.

Coriander Not if the OP warned her daughter in advance. As my mum would have done. As I said, that was harsh but we had been told what might happen. At 21, it was our choice, our responsibilty.

@florascotia2

Forest please just behave like an adult with adult responsibilities. To suggest that adults in the current serious situation would behave like silly playground 'nasty girls' insults the intelligence of most of us on Mumsnet. And might have tragic, deadly consequences.

Of course, if you and your friends behave like that, well....

Where have I called anyone a "nasty girl"? I think its unpleasant to grass your own kids to the police, I didn't call anyone anything.

raspberry I agree the children playing analogy is not perfect

Nonetheless. I stand by my larger point: if you wish to act morally, you must act morally. Anonymous police reports about friends have no place in this argument. If you think what your friend, the mother of the party girl (and where's the father, btw?) is so wrong as to justify calling the police, you should be willing to risk your friendship to tell her you're doing it.

Let her go but inform her she can't come to you for 2 weeks as she needs to isolate from you
I'd be fuming too you are not being unreasonable

Party goers throwing a party at their student house in Norwich got fined 10k

How old is your dd?

Some people here seem to think it’s fine for an adult to risk the health of their family for the sake of a party? Odd!

Forest You said (I quote) " People gain a sense of self righteousness and moral superiority" from stopping people holding dangerous/illegal parties and encouraging others to be responsible by joining in.

That really is pretty nasty. Saying that people who are acting public-spiritedly do so for personal gratification or to 'get back' at othrs. I (The reverse is true - doing the public-spirited thing often this causes them pain, which is the WHOLE POINT of the OP's post.) It's the sort of thing that emotionally immature but outwardly popular teens might do, hence my previous comment.

I would totally dob them in

@Standandwait

I have a son who just turned 21, in London, and I wouldn't report. As a columnist in The Times pointed out today, even in war zones children can't help playing amid the falling bombs.

But I fully understand why some of you would. All I would remind you is that if you wish to act morally, you must do so FULLY:
you must tell both the hosting mother, who you say is a friend, and your daughter before you report. If you don't have the courage to do that, then you cannot expect the birthday girl, her mother, or your daughter to have the courage to resist a rare chance to have fun. An anonymous report to the police is immoral.

There's no need to tell anyone (other than the police or whoever you're reporting to). That may not be particularly courageous but it seems much more sensible (particularly when dealing with people who evidently aren't being sensible). Why on earth encourage bad feeling or possibly retaliation? Anonymous reporting is fine and not remotely immoral.

OP what have you decided?

@Sirzy

I would tell your daughter she needs to isolate for two weeks before coming home if she is going to be stupid as to go to a party.

It’s no wonder that things are getting so out of control again

I agree.

www.msn.com/en-gb/news/coronavirus/tier-4-and-christmas-rules-what-you-can-and-can-t-do-now/ar-BB1c49CG?ocid=msedgntp