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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ring this inconsiderate person at 4.30am?

166 replies

Lobeu · 18/12/2020 23:31

I have a relative who calls me multiple times a day (and night) for no reason at all, after answering the phone to her twice this afternoon she called me a third time at 10.30 which I rejected.

11.00pm comes and she's ringing again whilst I'm trying to settle my child for bed after a meltdown (ASD) lasting the best part of two hours.

It's inconsiderate, rude and entitled and I'm sick of it.

She does have (managed) mental health problems but don't plenty of us? I wouldn't dream of it.

I'm genuinely contemplating setting an alarm for the middle of the night and phoning her until she answers.

I can't have my phone on silent because I have an ill parent and I need to answer calls from her carers. I also can't block her number because she calls on withheld (auto setting)

So AIBU?

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 18/12/2020 23:33

You need to set boundaries. Say you like hearing from her but because of other commitments you need to ask her to only call between x and y times otherwise you won't be able to answer. Talk to her and explain why you are doing this.

RosesforMama · 18/12/2020 23:33

Yes. You know you are really. Ring her tomorrow and be very specific that unless it's an emergency she must not ring after 9pm (or whenever). It would be helpful to specify what constitutes an emergency.

AIMD · 18/12/2020 23:36

@RosesforMama

Yes. You know you are really. Ring her tomorrow and be very specific that unless it's an emergency she must not ring after 9pm (or whenever). It would be helpful to specify what constitutes an emergency.
I agree with this. They clearly need very strict boundaries about contacting you.

Maybe also tell them your getting lots of calls from withers numbers and so from now you will only be answering calls where you can see the number.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 18/12/2020 23:39

Have you posted about this before? I've read the exact same on here before

Original poster
Lobeu · 18/12/2020 23:41

I can totally see why people think I'm being unreasonable, unfortunately I have told her time and time again not to call late at night and not to blow up my phone countless times per day for no particular reason.

I had my DM staying with me during lockdown and she did exactly the same to her.

She's also not lonely and alone she has more of a social life than I do.

I'm just so bloody tired of it.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 18/12/2020 23:41

Set your parent as a priority contact and put your phone on auto do not disturb between 9pm and 8am. The priority contact can override do not disturb. It should all be in the dnd settings.

AIMD · 18/12/2020 23:43

Do you want to communicate with her at all op? Or would you rather not at all?

Original poster
Lobeu · 18/12/2020 23:43

@LoveMyKidsAndCats

Have you posted about this before? I've read the exact same on here before
Quite possibly! It is an ongoing issue and has been for at least two years now.

No amount of asking her to stop makes a difference. I wouldn't usually resort to being childish and calling people during the early hours of the morning but I've had enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lobeu · 18/12/2020 23:45

@AIMD

Do you want to communicate with her at all op? Or would you rather not at all?
I'm indifferent at the moment but then I am majorly pissed off.

One phone call a week would be fine with me (I've implemented that before and she takes no notice)

OP posts:
housemdwaswrong · 18/12/2020 23:47

Block withheld numbers: www.techadvisor.co.uk/how-to/mobile-phone/how-block-private-numbers-on-your-phone-3614880/

Our put on on do not disturb and allow your parents etc. to come through.

greenspacesoverthere · 18/12/2020 23:47

Block her number and unblock once a week. Tell her you are doing this and allocate her a time slot to call you (that's when you unblock her number) Or you call her at the allocated time. Once a week.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 18/12/2020 23:50

@BertieBotts

Set your parent as a priority contact and put your phone on auto do not disturb between 9pm and 8am. The priority contact can override do not disturb. It should all be in the dnd settings.
Exactly. You can set few numbers like that. If you have an android it should be starred contacts. Star your parents and their carers and it should be ok.
MissSmiley · 18/12/2020 23:51

@BertieBotts

Set your parent as a priority contact and put your phone on auto do not disturb between 9pm and 8am. The priority contact can override do not disturb. It should all be in the dnd settings.
This
Original poster
Lobeu · 18/12/2020 23:51

I'm not able to block withheld numbers completely as hospital/GP/HV/Paediatrican all call on a private number, that's why it's a massive PITA Sad

I'm probably going to have to change my number which will be a nuisance, all because of one entitled person.

OP posts:
FuckOffBorisYouTwat · 18/12/2020 23:52

Yes I have everyone on DND except DC

Mulhollandmagoo · 18/12/2020 23:52

@BertieBotts

Set your parent as a priority contact and put your phone on auto do not disturb between 9pm and 8am. The priority contact can override do not disturb. It should all be in the dnd settings.
This is a brilliant idea!! I know you can have some contacts that override the do not disturb, and then the calls won't come through. I also think this person will be informed you're on DND.

What does she say when she calls?

Mulhollandmagoo · 18/12/2020 23:53

@Lobeu

I'm not able to block withheld numbers completely as hospital/GP/HV/Paediatrican all call on a private number, that's why it's a massive PITA Sad

I'm probably going to have to change my number which will be a nuisance, all because of one entitled person.

But you could do it between 9pm and 6pm surely? No medical professional will be calling people that late, surely
Original poster
Lobeu · 18/12/2020 23:53

I'm going to look into the priority thing now, thank you.

Although that being said, if I did get a call about my DM in the middle of the night from a private number I may well miss it - thinking it's her.

OP posts:
Chailatte20 · 18/12/2020 23:55

On my phone I can set individual numbers to go straight to voicemail. I have a batshit cousin who is on this setting & I can then listen to her messages when I'm ready. I can't block her as it'll cause too much family drame. So I manage her this way & explain that I have my phone on silent at work if she queries why she goes straight to voicemail.

Original poster
Lobeu · 18/12/2020 23:55

I have had calls late at night about my DM before when she has been taken into hospital, that's the main reason I don't have my phone on silent these days.

What does she say when she calls?

"I'm having my hair cut tomorrow, what style do you think I should get?" Was the purpose of tonight's calls.

It's never anything of substance or urgent, always totally pointless chat just to have somebody on the end of the phone.

OP posts:
greenlynx · 18/12/2020 23:56

I wouldn’t phone her at 4.30 she could be really excited and ready to chat, you never know.
Could you put different ringtone for Ill parent, very loud, and then a quiet one for the rest of calls, then set up volume accordingly so this person call wouldn’t be so disturbing but a call from your parent could still be heard.

Saltn · 18/12/2020 23:56

I had this problem with a relative due to him being an alcoholic and general narc.i blocked his number for all but one day of the week. My phone still gave me access to any voicemails he left so if it was urgent I would know. I am now NC which has fully resolved the problem. Wink

BitOfFun · 18/12/2020 23:56

Have you told her how angry it makes you? Have you spoken to her reallly firmly? Sometimes the softly softly 'be kind' approach simply doesn't register.

Original poster
Lobeu · 18/12/2020 23:58

I have a batshit cousin who is on this setting & I can then listen to her messages when I'm ready. I can't block her as it'll cause too much family drama

Very relatable even down to the leaving voicemails. I have the voicemail function switched on for important messages and my mail box is almost always just her.

"Oh that's a nice voicemail greeting you have...I was just watching TV and.."

It gets me so mad and I'm a really calm and easy going person Sad

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 19/12/2020 00:00

@Lobeu

I'm not able to block withheld numbers completely as hospital/GP/HV/Paediatrican all call on a private number, that's why it's a massive PITA Sad

I'm probably going to have to change my number which will be a nuisance, all because of one entitled person.

Surely the hospital etc don’t phone at 11pm? Yes answer during sociable hours and if it’s the relative say can’t talk now.

If it’s a withheld number after 8pm then don’t answer