To ring this inconsiderate person at 4.30am?

[Lobeu]

I have a relative who calls me multiple times a day (and night) for no reason at all, after answering the phone to her twice this afternoon she called me a third time at 10.30 which I rejected.

11.00pm comes and she's ringing again whilst I'm trying to settle my child for bed after a meltdown (ASD) lasting the best part of two hours.

It's inconsiderate, rude and entitled and I'm sick of it.

She does have (managed) mental health problems but don't plenty of us? I wouldn't dream of it.

I'm genuinely contemplating setting an alarm for the middle of the night and phoning her until she answers.

I can't have my phone on silent because I have an ill parent and I need to answer calls from her carers. I also can't block her number because she calls on withheld (auto setting)

So AIBU?

I'm going to buy a cheap burner phone ... then will decide which number to divert her to

Sounds like the best idea all round, and if you then block her on your main mobile she won't be able to "check you've still got it" will she?

Put your phone to not accepting unknown callers.

You can do this despite waiting for calls from hospitals etc. We just redial with a number in front that shows the number.

If your aunts is blocked it won’t get through.

Rather than buy a whole been phone, perhaps set I o a soft phone eg sipgate? You can’t give that number to the important people. You can either install an app on your phone or set up the number so that it automatically forwards to your mobile. From memory I think when it’s forwarded it comes up as from your phone number, so even if the hospital are calling on a withheld number it’s should show up on your phone as coming from your softphone account. You will only pay when a call comes in.

So many typos.. sorry. You CAN give the soft phone number to important people.

Either tell her you have a new number and give her that - get brick, as someone has said, or get a new number to give to everyone else. It's a bonkers situation.

Do some research on phones - with some you can divert individual callers to voicemail - I think Samsung but you'd have to check.

If you give her a separate number, she is likely to ring back on your old one if she does not get the response she is looking for.

I would just get a new SIM, switch over and be done with it. You have enough stress in your life, as it is.

Believe it or not she's just turned up here.

I have work at 4pm I'm not happy at all.

I'm in the process of dying my hair, DH let her in as he assumed i was expecting her

Just tell her that she cant stay. Set boundaries. Stick to them.

"CF you did not tell me you were coming round. I am busy so you cannot stay. Goodbye"

Wow. That is outrageous.

That is enough now. How is your husband not aware of how unlikely that would be? You both need to be on the same page with this.

Time to tell her to get to fuck (in a slightly nicer way).

I’d change that to: CF, you did not ask if it was okay to come round. It’s not a good time. Goodbye.

I feel your pain , my frequent caller also turns up when they don't get an answer

I'm in the process of dying my hair, DH let her in as he assumed i was expecting her

He can entertain her then or ask her to leave. Why on earth would he think you are expecting her when you are doing your hair and going to work?

Now’s your chance to nip this in the bud

This is spoilt, entitled, selfish and wilful behaviour. She isn’t dumb enough to not know that she’s being intrusive. She just doesn’t care.

I wouldn’t be enabling it for one minute longer. Your responsibility is to yourself, first of all, and then to your children, your husband and your mum.

OP, you could get a PAYG sim for free from Giffgaff. Put it in an old phone, or buy one of those £8 non-smart Alcatel phones from Argos. Tell this friend that you need to change your number because you're getting a crazy number of sales calls from India. Give her the new number and answer it the first couple of times, so she doesn't suspect. Then let it go to voicemail. Answer it occasionally when convenient for you. She'll never know you have the old number still. Disconnect from her on WhatsApp first, if you're connected there.

Okay so it wasn't your fault that DH let her in, but what have you said to her?
Surely this was an obvious opportunity to bundle her straight back out of the door?

I don’t think the burner is the way forward, your mum will probably tell her your actual number once she asks her why you haven’t been answering her calls? And it seems like she turns up uninvited regardless so the phone is redundant

As I said in my original post a few pages ago you need to set clear boundaries and then do not deviate from them. It's like training a toddler - set the rule and then every time they break it be consistent with the consequence.

Changing your number etc stops the immediate interruption but it doesn't stop the behaviour, so it will just continue - how many times are you going to change your number if she manages to get any new numbers you get?

In this case, give her clear boundaries to the contact (once a day? Between specific times? Time limit? etc) and let her know that if she contacts you outside of those parameters then you will not respond.

Then every time she contacts you outside the parameters you have set, either ignore or shut down the interaction. "I answered in case this was an emergency. It is not. I have told you not to call me after 7pm, it is now 8.30pm. Do not call again. Goodbye" then hang up.

Perfect opportunity for a "oh hi, uninvited and so boundaries relative, let me sort that issue with your phone withholding your number... There we go, sorted, now get out I'm busy"

I agree answer the first few times then ignore a few but text - sorry I’m busy I’ll call you later and ignore for a few hours then leave it till the next day

Think of it as weaning her off you slowly

Give another number to your DM's carers, doctor, hospital etc as a second number for night-time so you can turn off your phone. Explain why and there shouldn’t be an issue. DM had to do this for DGM's carers and Lifeline, although in this case it was DGM herself making the unwanted calls, and it worked absolutely fine.

In an emergency, hospitals etc. would work their way through the emergency contacts, so will ring your other number if they can't reach you on your main number.

She didn't call in advance because she would've known I'd say no, I have work this afternoon for one thing plus we're tier 3.

To be honest I think DH just felt so awkward at the door he didn't want to deal with telling her to leave.

I'm not happy at all.

I made her a cup of tea as she travelled via two busses but used the opportunity to address what I've said in the thread about the constant calls, she almost made me feel guilty.

Do not feel guilty for creating (perfectly reasonable) boundaries that are necessary to protect yourself, your own mental health and your time.

It is not unreasonable to request someone stops making unsolicited and antisocial contact, do not let her make you feel guilty for requesting that she respects your boundaries.

Honestly OP, kick her into touch. You will find your depression and anxiety will take an upturn. Speaking from experience it's these sort of people that drag us down.

I mean what a selfish person to come to your house via two buses a week before Christmas - I despair.

"I'm having my hair cut tomorrow, what style do you think I should get?" Was the purpose of tonight's calls.

I'd kill her. 🔫 ⚰️

Just tell the judge and jury what you've told everyone here. You'll get an unconditional discharge, if not the George Cross.