No longer a size 6

[Bogfrog]

I met my husband when we were 22. I was a v slim size 6.
We are now late thirties and have 2 kids. I weigh more, have more bumps and I’m
a size 8-10. I exercise approx 5 times a week and don’t eat too many puddings but certainly enjoy my food and wine.
He is now instigating sex less and my confidence is shot after he said there’s a sliding scale of who he finds attractive with a size 6 being the pinnacle.
I am hurt and horrified. He says he still fancies me but I still feel really upset.
AIBU to reconsider the future of our otherwise happy marriage?

Op you say that at 22 and a size 6 you turned heads. I was a size 12 at 22 and so did I. I’m a size 10 now at 40 but after three children I’m far more lumpy and stretch-marky (new phrase alert).

As we age, women get far more interesting and men get more boring and set in their ways, like your DH.

I suppose you either live with it or find someone who adores you no matter what.

He can fuck off then.

What a shallow piece of shit.

That's horrible OP, I'm not surprised you're hurt! It doesn't matter what size he finds attractive and what size you currently are, any comments like that do nothing for self confidence.

I would honestly be asking him which he would prefer, to have not had your kids but kept a size 6 body or you slightly bigger but with your kids.

Lots of people fat shame, don’t act like it doesn’t happen! So yes people do it the other way too

YANBU, definitely. You are marginally larger than when you met and have born him two children. He should love and desire you more than ever, in an ideal world, however, I get that he was trying to be honest with you and explain exactly how he felt. I don’t think this was very wise of him, though, as he has made you feel awful, when I think he was misguidedly trying to make you feel better. If he’s genuinely lovely in all other ways, I’d try to put it out of your mind.

but I admit I want to be made to feel really good about myself.

I think this is a bit telling. The fact you next external validation to determine your own self-worth. That attitude gives men like your husband quite a lot of power.

*you rely on

You can't say all women of a certain clothes size look a certain way, it's nonsense. I'm 5'9 and at a size 8 was right at the bottom of healthy BMI, very bony around the collar bone and had the chest of a teenage boy, my face looked quite drawn. Even when breast feeding I only went up to a c cup, I'm just built straight up and down so when I lose a lot of weight I do look androgynous, I have a good friend who is a 6/8 she's a runner, she's toned, fit and has as cracking pair of boobs, she's a fair bit shorter than me maybe 5'2ish? She looks great at a 6/8 I look my best at a 10/12, I'm heavier than that at the moment 14/16 and can't blame it on baby weight anymore as he's two..... DH doesn't give a shiny shit and tbh in his younger days his type was very slim blondes, when we started dating I was a size 16 natural redhead, I was a bit insecure about that and his response was that he'd been shallow as a teen/early twenties and he didn't want to marry them, he also commented that we have a much more active and enjoyable sex life so he definitely finds me attractive regardless of weight. Your husband sounds like a wanker.

Women have enough body shaming to deal with from men, we really don't need to be doing it to each other. Wether you're a size 4 or a size 24, who honestly gives a fuck. Aslong as you're happy with yourself and healthy then that's all that matters. We're all beautiful no matter what size we are 💗 if women werent body shamed so much by other women then maybe alot of us (myself included) wouldn't be so self conscious.

I used to be a six but am now 10-12, despite running around 20 miles a week. It's part of aging.

I feel sorry for the op. This thread has completely derailed. And she's been told to fuck off. 80% of this thread is women tearing each other down over being a size 6. Reading this thread my mind went straight to the scene from Cinderella, her step sisters having a bitch fit and ripping up her dress.

🤣 also another with a sliding scale where Chris Hemsworth is the pinnacle.
Come on OP, does HE look like that?

You seem obsessed with your weight/size but it looks like your partner is fuelling this.
I'm sorry that you're worried about your svelte size and your partner is being unreasonable about it .
I don't have any advice other than to try to be happy with your size.

I feel sorry for you being married to it....I think it knows full well what its doing to your self esteem tbh.

I'm sure you're beautiful OP.

Holy shit the misogyny.

Vinyl detective I wouldn’t be thanking God if my husband spoke in such a sexist demeaning way about smaller women. Let’s hope you never lose weight due to illness and find that you’re one of the contemptible ‘stick insects’. Disgusting.

Not to mention the stuff about ‘ironing boards’ or being ‘androgynous’. Fuck me. What is it even like to be a woman who actually hates other women?

He is the problem. Not you or your body.
He should be more respectful, you carried his babies.
You are still very slim and it's ok and perfectly normal for our bodies to change a bit after childbirth.
If he's not keen i'm sure you'd find someone else very quickly who would think your body is amazing.

He's being U. Women's shape tends to change, and of course our weight too with children and middle age. Well actually this applies to men too. No need for posters to be horrible about people who are a size 6 that's irrelevant to your post! I would personally say I'd struggle to note the difference between 6/8/10! I actually dislike size being commented on at any size, it's something women 'have' to put up with in our society - continuous judgement of who we are by what we look like. It's not the same for men, we use different language - they don't 'lose their figures' or 'let themselves go'. None of which I'm saying you're doing, but your husband's comments sound hurtful and not helpful. Who wants to be pointed out that they are not the same as their 20 year old self, 20 years later?!

@Bogfrog look, he may be in very good shape - but he’s not 22 any more either is he? Put Joe wicks on, (the beach version), turn his annoying voice down and then make mmm 😋 noises. Put the insecurities right back on him.
At size 8-10 you’re clearly still smokin’ so please just remember that there’s a world of men out there who’d be thrilled to have you

LTB

Thank you for the kind comments. He definitely fuels the obsession with weight. His whole family are tall and skinny. His parents are disparaging about overweight people or even just people who are not v v slim. It’s not a great starting point.

OP if he's genuinely a good guy you need to be honest with him about how his comment made you feel. It's possible it was just a bit factual and thoughtless and he can reassure you that surrounded by naked supermodels he would choose you in a heartbeat because it's YOU.

What he said gives me the heebyjeebies personally, the reduction of his wife, and of all women, to a pretty unusually slim size and nothing more - I find that pretty gross. But you know him and maybe you could give him the benefit of the doubt and discuss it with him. His response will be the answers you need one way or the other.

As an aside, I've never been smaller than a 10 and think of myself as pretty slim and gorgeous

You know OP I stopped smoking 4 weeks ago after 20 plus years and I have put on a lot of weight and it's depressing me as it is but my (thin) friends said oh I'd rather be overweight than smoke etc. But my H he keeps commenting on my belly (just coz he doesn't have one through like your husband exercise and diet) I'm like yolo and he's now taking the piss telling me to go for. Fing run tomorrow morning. It's pissing me off too and he would also be like Oh yes I like thinner girls but not realising it would hurt me... I feel for you. I would love to be your size! X

Oh give over @trixiebelden77. My bloke loves me, he doesn’t care what size I am or what I weigh. He doesn’t demean anyone. Some people would cross the street to take offence.

I had a look at Debenhams size chart and size 6 seems to be nearer to what size 10 was when I was growing up. So probably not as small as it sounds.

This is probably why I have been a size 10 all my life

@VinylDetective

Thank God I’m married to a man who finds what he calls “stick insects” deeply unattractive. He thinks Andi Oliver’s sex on a stick and has fancied me at a very wide range of sizes.

What a misogynistic catch of a husband you’ve got 😂😂