No longer a size 6

[Bogfrog]

I met my husband when we were 22. I was a v slim size 6.
We are now late thirties and have 2 kids. I weigh more, have more bumps and I’m
a size 8-10. I exercise approx 5 times a week and don’t eat too many puddings but certainly enjoy my food and wine.
He is now instigating sex less and my confidence is shot after he said there’s a sliding scale of who he finds attractive with a size 6 being the pinnacle.
I am hurt and horrified. He says he still fancies me but I still feel really upset.
AIBU to reconsider the future of our otherwise happy marriage?

I was a size 8 when I met my husband, he was mad about my figure, skinny with decent boobs, couldn't keep his hands off me, I know he firmly believed he'd never fancy anyone bigger than a size 10 but 20 years later I'm a size fourteen and guess what? He can't keep his hands off me!!! Constantly tells me how much he fancies me and makes me feel good about myself. I've no idea how to deal with your husband but I'd let him know how hurtful his comments are.

It was bmi 19 when we met.
I run 3 times a week and do a couple of HIIT routines. Yes I’d like to be slightly more toned but generally think I look ok with clothes on.

Clothes sizes are nonsense. My step-daughter is a model, a proper one that walks fashion week runways. She'd never fit a size 6, she's 6 foot tall with big shoulders and hips. There's not a picking on her, I could probably close my hands round her waist, her arms and legs are basically bone and muscle, but she's a big person overall (eats loads, plays loads of team sports). I think the husband here is being extremely cruel and unreasonable and has a warped view of women's bodies.

He sounds pretty mean. At a size six*, I’m bigger than when I met my husband but there’s definitely no lessening of attraction.

*teen

@Hunnihun2
Yes I have had kids. I have 2 boys currently asleep in the rooms next to me :) I also worked 60 hours this week.

I'm really into a sport, so that keeps me slim.

I run 3 times a week and do a couple of HIIT routines. Yes I’d like to be slightly more toned but generally think I look ok with clothes on.

So what would you like op? You could get more muscle tone, with more working out & or adjustments to your diet. Would that make you feel better? Or is this genuinely not a priority for you now and it's just your husband's comments that upset you? If so, you need to settle that with him. Both options are reasonable.

OP, you said you have two DCs who have ASD, and that your dh is quite black and white in his thinking.

Could this be relevant to his blunt expression of opinion?
However, I'm glad he has acknowledged how hurt you are.

I was a 6 when met hubby. Now I'm a 14. It doesn't even come up in conversation. He wouldn't ever I dont think.

Op I read your update, it sounds like he just really mispoke? My husband is prone to saying the wrong thing, when he's honestly a nice guy. A BMI of 22 is super fit and healthy so as you know, you're fine as you are!
I bet if we all met you, we'd think how fabulous you looked :-)

I find this really sad, your a size 8-10 its an perfect size, your saying you make sure the lights are out and yet your a size 8-10 who runs 3 x a week and does hiit, I can guarantee you look absolutely amazing yet you cant see it because your husband thinks a size 6 is something to strive for.
You have children for goodness sake theres more to life than your dress size.
This must be really hurtful 🥲

Yes it is really hurtful to feel I’ve gone downhill. He didn’t misspeak I think in the sense he does think it but yes he’s blunter than your average human. Thank you for thoughts. I’m exhausted so will try to sleep now.

@CallmeAngelGabriel

OP, you said you have two DCs who have ASD, and that your dh is quite black and white in his thinking.

Could this be relevant to his blunt expression of opinion?
However, I'm glad he has acknowledged how hurt you are.

Yes I was thinking the same thing. It's a classic foot in mouth lack of reflection and no idea that anyone would be upset / offended.

If that's the reason OP you'll have to grow a thicker skin as he's not deliberately trying to hurt you.

Arrgh long reply gone!

OP my family are arseholes about weight/ size. My DH is big, always has been. He feels really uncomfortable about it around them. I think. Fucking hell. I married him, we've got 2 kids, he's a lovely bloke etc. Stop with the judgemental shit.

You are slim and he's still judging? He needs to get to grips with the attitudes he was brought up with.

You say he doesn't instigate sex so much. How old are your kids? Is he hands on with them? I mean you're both getting older. He could be tired. Do you instigate? Etc etc.

Talk about it with him.

And please try to ignore all the total wankers on this thread. It's been a horrible read. So many women just putting the boot in, about smaller women. Just because.

Pathetic. Ignore them.

OP, don't let his issues be your issues. Cigarettes for breakfast is not an ideal.

To the vile aresholes on this thread - I'm a size 6 (well currently probably an 8 in trousers as I had my second child six weeks ago), early thirties. Even when not breastfeeding double D boobs and a bum. But my rib measurement is small (30), so is my waist and my height. I'm perfectly fucking normal and probably just like most women just - smaller. My fashion sense can be androgynous but my female body certainly fucking isn't.
In my thirty plus years in the world I've never heard shit like I have on this thread, that size 6 is immature, childlike, stick insect and men who would like that are mean, gay or basically paedophiles. Jesus Christ. I'm much more flabby than my much healthier friends of bigger sizes, they're whole structure is just on a bigger scale than mine.
And androgynous women (of any size) can be sexy as fuck in their own right as females not because they're like boys or children. Jesus.

When did even women start thinking it was wrong for men to find anyone who wasn't Jessica rabbit attractive. Fuck me.

Xposts

Sleep well frog.

Your bmi is perfect it’s his problem.

The vibes I’m getting from his comments is it’s not size 6 he fancies but much younger women. And ageing is something none of us can do anything about!

I know if I left, I would find validation else where.

Whereas there's a good chance he would learn the "grass is greener" lesson.

I don't think I'm the only person to have a male acquaintance who left his wife in their thirties after a couple of kids, because for some reason he felt he deserved a 20 year old supermodel, then eventually ended up wiser and happily married to a woman much bigger than his first wife's unacceptable size. Some people will only learn by living out their mistakes - though that's probably not a comforting thing to hear when you have a family to consider...

Blimmin' heck I was a size 6 (I even had some.size 4 tops (and to pp, I also had DD boobs and a waist, you are incorrect) when I met dh, I'm now a size 10-12 with lets just say less perky boobs. My body physically couldn't be a size 6 now - my bones aren't in the same place since having ds! Dh has never criticised my body.

Your husband has been insensitive and rude, he has no right to make you feel bad about yourself. You can change your body shape if you choose to, unfortunately personality will be much harder to change for your dh.

@WillSantaBeComingToTown
Most size 6 women are pretty androgynous. No boobs or bottoms

I’m a UK 6 and although I have a completely flat stomach and slim legs and arms, I have boobs and a bum. I’m not even remotely close to being flat chested or having a flat bum. I’ve known size 12 women who are quite flat in those areas. Every woman carries their weight in different places and body shaming is never right.

Actually I’m a UK4-6 and I don’t look like a 9 year old boy

I suspect it's not the size, it's the 22 year old pre pregnant you he misses. Ask him how he imagines you grew two humans and it had no impact on your physique?

If weight/size didn’t matter to your husband, would you still exercise as much and be the same BMI? If the answer is yes, carry on. If the answer is no, give your self a big hug and do what YOU want to do.

I think your actual size is irrelevant op. I think the problem is his weird, imposed limits. It would be the same if he said he wanted to keep you at the top end of the scales. The point is he is attaching your worth to your size, and that sucks.

@Lurcherloves

In my experience men who like really thin women are mean, as evidenced by OP’s husband’s hurtful approach

Really? I've never noticed anything of the kind, and I used to be underweight. In any case I wouldn't call a short size 6 woman 'really thin'.

I think men that have really strict criteria of what they find attractive in women are usually pornsick misogynists. They dont see the point in women who dont meet the criteria and can even be angry at them