No longer a size 6

[Bogfrog]

I met my husband when we were 22. I was a v slim size 6.
We are now late thirties and have 2 kids. I weigh more, have more bumps and I’m
a size 8-10. I exercise approx 5 times a week and don’t eat too many puddings but certainly enjoy my food and wine.
He is now instigating sex less and my confidence is shot after he said there’s a sliding scale of who he finds attractive with a size 6 being the pinnacle.
I am hurt and horrified. He says he still fancies me but I still feel really upset.
AIBU to reconsider the future of our otherwise happy marriage?

Uk sizing? Size 6 is pretty small, I'd say. How tall are you? I'm 5 ft 7 and a size 8-10. However, if I lost more than 3lbs I'd actually be underweight. You shouldn't be risking your health for his warped view of what can be considered attractive. A lot of fashion models are bigger than a size 6!

This website gives measurements of famous people. Most would be considered extremely attractive. Many are larger than a size 6.

celebrityinside.com/body-measurements/actress/cate-blanchett-weight-height-bra-shoe-size-vital-stats/

His view is unrealistic and pretty unreasonable.

Fuck him and his bullshit
People age, bodies change his will too if he’s that shallow then he’s a dick

Height is also important, I’m a short size 6 and definitely don’t look androgynous

I don’t think there’s much of a difference between a 6 and 8, he’s being dramatic

[quote TheChineseChicken]@WillSantaBeComingToTown that’s kind of rude! Do you make such sweeping generalisations about other size women?[/quote]
I see a lot of women naked professionally.

Not rude- accurate

My DH fancies the arse off me but I know my body is not that of his fantasy ideal (that would be the unattainable Barbie doll proportions). I find him more attractive than any man I have ever shared air with, but if we are talking the pinnacle of male bodies, his isn't quite it. But that doesn't matter. He does fancy me, I do fancy him, neither of us are daft enough to believe we need to be one another's perfect fantasy physically to be one another's best and most desired people.

I realise sex is not as frequent (generally) as you age. I don’t want it all the time. Maybe once a week. But I do want my husband to think I’m hot and not view me as a fat lump. I now feel like I won’t have the confidence to be intimate much. I already refuse to have lights on as feel so unconfident - and he wonders why that is!!

[quote Nottherealslimshady]**@WillSantaBeComingToTown* Most size 6 women are pretty androgynous. No boobs or bottoms*

Is he gay?

What a horrible, bitchy thing to say.

I think its normal to find your partner less attractive as you both get older and have children. I dont particularly worry if my husband thinks I'm the sexiest woman alive, he's with me for who I am. I dont expect to find him sexy when he's 90.[/quote]
Why is it bitchy?
Her body shape has filled out and he no longer wants to have sex.

Being gay is 1 possibility.

Also op, does he mean a Primaek size 6, a Chanel size 6, a Tu size 6? Lots of variation there! You probably are a 6 in some places if you're an 8 in others. I can wear a 10 in some shops and struggle to squeeze into a 14 in some, so "size 6" has quite some wiggle room.

Thank God I’m married to a man who finds what he calls “stick insects” deeply unattractive. He thinks Andi Oliver’s sex on a stick and has fancied me at a very wide range of sizes.

@ScalpHelp

Height is also important, I’m a short size 6 and definitely don’t look androgynous

I don’t think there’s much of a difference between a 6 and 8, he’s being dramatic

A 6 is generally the smallest size you can widely buy in the UK A lot of women who say they are a 6 would be able to wear smaller clothes if they were available.

my confidence is shot after he said there’s a sliding scale of who he finds attractive with a size 6 being the pinnacle

He says he still fancies me

In what context did he make his “sliding scale” comment? Generally I would say this is an arsehole thing to say, BUT I have seen threads on MN like this before where it emerges that the OP has pushed and pushed their OH to say exactly who he finds most attractive, would he find her more attractive if she was a little thinner etc... and doesn’t give up pushing till they get a truthful answer. Then she gets hurt when she gets a truthful answer.

Were you doing that?

Dear god. I met my DP at my lightest, size 10. I'm now size 14. I don't exercise enough and love to eat but my DP says he still loves the way I look (even though I don't), and acknowledges my change in size without being horrible about it.
And this is pre-kids...

Your DH doesn't sound very pleasant.

By the way I’m in a similar position OP, I was a very slim size 6 at age 20 when we met and now more like an 8-10. DH has remained slimmer for similar reasons to yours.

I strongly suspect my DH prefers me slimmer but I don’t know... because I don’t ask.

I used to wear size 6 in next for example. That was ideal I think.
I feel like some other men would find me very physically hot. Whereas I feel he’s less enamoured than that.
I know there’s more to marriage than physical attraction but I don’t know if I can face the prospect of him seeing my “flaws” so accutely. I think it’s depressing.

Another self entitled superficial wanker.

Please understand your worth OP - you sound fantastic and clearly look after yourself. Too good for this utterly ridiculous sounding man. It’s pathetic when these dim witted men place so much importance on looks and they can’t see what really matters in life.

Tell him you used to find him more attractive too, when you didn't realise he was as deep as a puddle.

@OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea

I was a size 6-8 when dh and I were first together, we met when we were 20. I'm 37 now, overweight, depressed, comfort eat, size 12 and expanding.

Dh still tells me and shows me that he still fancies me.

I really doubt you're overweight at a size 12

I am not sure what you want from this, people are going to criticise him. Surely he means very petite than a clothing size as if this is the uk sizing most women would of only been a size six when pre pubescent or early pubescent as this is for petite body frames. A size 6 is a narrow skeleton, can still be curvy and healthy but still narrow.

I mean, I haven’t been a size six since I was six....One of my legs might be a size six, so perhaps this influences my view somewhat, BUT I find any man who says their life partner MUST adhere to some physical standard that’s unrealistic or hard to maintain when you’re living a normal life with the pressures of work and kids etc to be very unappealing as a human. Sure, we’ve all got things we find attractive etc but I love and desire my husband based around things besides a sat physical standard that I probably did care about more when we first met and I was 24.... life changes and we’ve changed and I would never ask him to put himself through a hard time to look like he did in his early 20s. It’s not realistic.

I’d be telling your husband this in your shoes and making it clear that if this is a dealbreaker he knows where the door is. It’s pathetic, he’s an adult with an adult woman for a wife, not a teenage boy looking at pictures of models in Nuts magazine. Tell him to grow up.

Have you told him how he’s made you feel? I think you should. Then tell him it’s funny because he’s not exactly the pinnacle of a hunky man that women lust after. Be firm and confident.

Blimey! I was a size 8 when I met my husband 16 years ago. I'm a size 18 now after 2 kids and an unhealthy sweet tooth and he never makes me feel self conscious for the way I look now compared to then.

I would be so hurt if he said something like that to me.

@willsanta it's still rude. Don't know why people feel they can be rude about thin women. I used to be that size and I would not want to referred to as androgynous. women come in all shapes and sizes. i.hope you don't express your views professionally.

Yes I was absolutely pushing to find out why he instigates less. So yes I suppose it’s my fault I know. But that doesn’t change my hurt.

I used to be size 8/6 (before most shops stocked a size six) and I definitely didn’t look androgenous and I got the picture to prove it!

I’m now 15 years older and just had a baby but once the baby weight has gone I should be a 8/10 again

So he’s Brad Pitt? George clooney? Edria Elba?

No? Or just a normal looking insensitive and probably insecure bloke who isn’t a nice husband. A nice husband wouldn’t say that. Ever.