No longer a size 6

[Bogfrog]

I met my husband when we were 22. I was a v slim size 6.
We are now late thirties and have 2 kids. I weigh more, have more bumps and I’m
a size 8-10. I exercise approx 5 times a week and don’t eat too many puddings but certainly enjoy my food and wine.
He is now instigating sex less and my confidence is shot after he said there’s a sliding scale of who he finds attractive with a size 6 being the pinnacle.
I am hurt and horrified. He says he still fancies me but I still feel really upset.
AIBU to reconsider the future of our otherwise happy marriage?

OP I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with him and tell him your hurt by his comments.
I was a petite (4'11) size 6 (with boobs and a teeny waist for those who care) when I met DH.
20yrs and two kids later I'm not as tiny as I was and sometimes he's a rude arse that I'm no longer as skinny as I was but it's only ever said in jest not critique.
Life happens, we age, change and priorities change (probably good as I'm pretty sure I lived on booze and fags when I met DH as a student.)
We've had issues with intimacy over the years - it bloody 20yrs fgs! but we talk them through, tiredness thanks to kids/work/illness(I'm have a chronic disability) is a primary issue and we work through them. You need to sit and talk to him as it's a joint problem not an individual one and festering on the internet with strangers isn't probably going to help that much and may cause doubt and problems to magnify in a way that isn't helpful in the long run.

Very shallow !
He should love you for who you are and not just what size you are I know maybe it’s an attraction thing but he must find you attractive in personality traits as well as physical ?
And if he really loves you why would he say that it’s so cruel and smoking is not healthy to stay slim and when you get to a certain age being super skinny is no way attractive it can make you look very drawn around the face !

I think the slagging off of size 6 women, and (misinformed) comments is extremely rude and depressing. I'm by no means petite being 5'8" but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being petite and slim.

In fact it can be very attractive. Many women around the world are that build, including in Europe, and they look lovely. Not "stick insect" as one PP said upthread

@NiceGerbil but this thread does relate to dress size. Yes, it is wrong to say all size 6s are unhealthy/androgynous/ underweight because a lot depends on frame, height and musculature. However size 6 is pretty much the smallest dress size in most shops, it is generally considered small. Many (most in the UK) adult women could not be healthy at that dress size because of their frame, height and musculature. Their body type should not be considered less attractive because of this. It is worth pointing this out because there is a warped sense of body image in society with underweight celebrities and models applauded for their appearance.

I found the gay comment weird also.
I'm not speaking for all size sizes, but I have D cups and wide hips and chunk thighs.
Don't believe the pop culture about how men want Barbie dolls. I'd love to be one, thanks fat shaming mum
That idea is now having a light shine on it and we now realise it's mostly not true.

I don’t know why people are getting worked up about a poster saying size 6 women don’t usually have boobs or bottoms really. This is true, not an insult

Except that it’s not. As a size 6 myself I can’t fit into children’s clothes because of my boobs and waist.

You may have been like that but not everyone who is a size 6 is.

Sorry but how shallow!! So you are reduced down to a size?

And 'his women'...that makes me feel a bit sick on your behalf.

I honestly think you need to work on your self esteem.

Give him the same sort of treatment. Especially if has hair loss and is going bald, or has the slightest sign of a paunch. Your DH is a twat if he thinks going from size 6 (what even is that?) to a size 10 is a problem.

@Changi

Do you have any pre implant pics?

I haven't had implants. Eat your heart out.

I have, that's why I can always spot 'em.

Kylie Minogue here is a size 6, she's not androgynous, or masculine. She doesn't look like a child/hasn't reached maturity.
She probably doesn't attract gay men/peadophiles
A lot of men probably fancy her (and lots probably dont!).

But can we stop with the narrative that size 6 isn't sexy?! I'm a size 6, petite, healthy BMI, I love running and yoga. I eat a fair amount too. I'm not emaciated/restricting my diet.

Let's support the OP WITHOUT slagging off an entire group of women? It's not relevant to the OP!

Hes possibly somewhere on the spectrum too to have such black and white views and 2 ASD kids. Rigid thinking is definitely an aspect of ASD this fixation on small women and ultra slim is not frankly, normal. The majority of men accept that their wives change shape and usually do not look the same after time, and it unrealistic to think otherwise. They accept this and because they see the woman for who she is and love the person, the package fade into the background.

Honestly I would just ignore this, as he will never, ever get it.

What a hurtful thing for him to say and might I add ridiculous. By most standards, a size 8 to 10 is an enviable figure and he may look attractive, but his attitude is anything but I would find his hurtfulness and thoughtlessness far more a turn off than an increase in weight.
And yet I am sure if anyone belittled any of his "vital statistics" he would feel quite differently about whether this sort of attitude is OK.
Call it out OP. Peoples bodies change with age. Are you really going to allow your self esteem to be chipped away at like this?

"Honestly can everyone shut up with the “size 6 = child, boy, androgynous, men don’t like that, he must be gay” comments.

First it’s just wrong. I’ve been size 6 most of my adult life (not now) and have always had boobs, thighs and arse. I’m just short and really small boned so can be a 6 even with a little padding. Second it’s rude. Even if someone is an androgynous or boyish shape it’s not ok to belittle that and suggest men don’t like that."

This.

"People would be howled down by the collective hoards of MN if they made comparable comments about overweight women."

And this!

I was a size 6 in no way did I look like a boy or like a child what strange comments??
I have a very small frame, I am now closer to a small 8, I have always had boobs and a bum.
And even if I didn't I shouldn't be shamed for it.
Some real arseholes on this thread.

i dont think its about your size but the dynamic between you guys. I was a size 6 when i met DH and am still a size 6 post kids.But it's 15years later and i now have lines, grey hair etc so obviously dont/cant look the same. But would be very upset if DH told me her prefers 25year olds, I mean he might but there's nothing I can do about it. So I would hope he keeps it to himself so long as he wants us to stay together.

Can't believe yo still share a house with him

Also why do we even have to rush to justify having boobs and a bum? I have small boobs and a small bum. Rounded but small. A lot of guys like that. Some women are naturally very tall and skinny, or EMACIATED in Mumsnet terminology, aka Keira Knightley style. A lot of men like that too. Theres lots of different body shapes out there, tiny tits and massive ones, huge arses and small ones, flat ones and round ones - big chunky thighs and skinny ones. Women are women, they can be fat or they can be scrawny. They can also be somewhere in between, and that's more usual. But as long as a person ismt starving themselves, or dangerously overeating, try just accepting that women come in different heights and shapes. A woman being skinny or slim doesnt threaten your own existence or your own beauty. She has hers and you have yours. We shouldn't compete like this, its ugly. Dont channel your own weight insecurity into denigrating other women.

He’s a massive twat!

Sure a size 6 looks different on everyone for a start. And you have become a woman of course your body is going to change.

I hope he is balding with a spare tryre, maybe starting to shrink in height too. Also wrinkles, greying etc.

HE is BVU - 'size 6' was barely heard of when I was a kid, and I know it's a perfectly fine size if you are petite, but there is nothing, nothing whatsoever 'fat' about 8-10. A grown man thinking anything more than 6 isn't attractive needs to fucking grow up some more!

I do despair at this ever-lowering 'acceptable size' - I suppose we all be expected to be size 4 (AKA 13-year-old-girl size) in another 10 years and size 6 will be seen as huge, fat bloaters.

well said @GoldfishParade

Honestly, you just need to feel good about how you look. He sounds a bit mean to even suggest your (tiny) weight gain changes how he feels about you. Isn't he proud of you for growing two humans and all the other amazing things you and your body have done? You sound way younger than your 38 years even worrying about this. Usually with age comes an acceptance, and confidence that of course you can’t look like you did at 22 but you're an incredible human who has done incredible things. It all fades, if he's not a good hearted person then that's a really awful man to be attached to.

Sizes are fairly meaningless, since they vary widely from one shop to the next. And of course, sizes have changed markedly over the years. So for your husband to make that statement indicates that he doesn't really have a clue about such things.

But the real issue is that he sounds both insensitive and shallow. Of course our bodies change as we get older. That is to be expected. It's a bit pathetic for him to hold onto some idealised image of the perfect figure. Daydreams are one thing. Translating that into real life is silly for an adult.

Stick insects! How bloody rude. I'm a size 6 with hips, bum and boobs.

How is calling someone a stick insect ok, but a fat cow not????!

Feeling quite shit now after reading this thread as a size 6 with no curves

"How is calling someone a stick insect ok, but a fat cow not????!"

I wonder this myself.

I find it really sad that these threads always turn into women throwing insults at each other based on size rather than focusing on calling out men who have objectified a woman into nothing more than a clothing size. Whatever size you are, size 6, size 30-no one deserves to be made to feel like shit based on their body size.