No longer a size 6

[Bogfrog]

I met my husband when we were 22. I was a v slim size 6.
We are now late thirties and have 2 kids. I weigh more, have more bumps and I’m
a size 8-10. I exercise approx 5 times a week and don’t eat too many puddings but certainly enjoy my food and wine.
He is now instigating sex less and my confidence is shot after he said there’s a sliding scale of who he finds attractive with a size 6 being the pinnacle.
I am hurt and horrified. He says he still fancies me but I still feel really upset.
AIBU to reconsider the future of our otherwise happy marriage?

"Thank God I’m married to a man who finds what he calls “stick insects” deeply unattractive. He thinks Andi Oliver’s sex on a stick and has fancied me at a very wide range of sizes."

What a pair of dickheads you both are

In my experience men who like really thin women are mean, as evidenced by OP’s husband’s hurtful approach

@Givemeabreak88

Lots of people fat shame, don’t act like it doesn’t happen! So yes people do it the other way too

Does that make it OK? 🙄

@Flowerpot345

"How is calling someone a stick insect ok, but a fat cow not????!"

I wonder this myself.

I wonder this myself too .....

No I haven’t @emilyfrost, a misogynist is some bastard who’d get on my case if I gained or lost a few pounds.

Each to their own, one man's meat is another man's poison and all that. The real issue here is making the person you're meant to love feel inferior to another body type...not cricket really is it.

OP, beauty comes from within and if he can't see that I'd be having a long hard look at whether you're happy to stick with somebody who's so focused on the aesthetics rather than what really matters.

My 12 year old daughter wears a size 6.

My daughter could fit size 6 dresses and was DD bra size and had curves.

@CandyLeBonBon I’m a size 6 and mid 30s.

How @Notrightbutok? I am genuinely wondering as there are quite a few people saying similar on this thread but a 6 is a 32 chest size so I can’t see how the clothes would fit.

At the end of the day, if your partner is expressing his apparent disappointment in your body shape - be it too small or too big, you ain't onto a winner.

Look after yourself OP. X

We’ve had a long chat. Me very tearful. He is sorry I am so hurt. Says he does really fancy me. Admits his family views are a bit warped. Wants me to feel better etc. Says he will try to be more sensitive. I take this all as positive but not sure how I can move on even if his future actions and words are kinder when I know what he thinks.

Teaanddimebars I am a 6 on my top half and have a bigger chest than 32...
I used to be a 6 in trousers but now a small 8 as my arse grew in lockdown
I can still fit in size 6 dresses though..

@Bogfrog

Thank you for the kind comments. He definitely fuels the obsession with weight. His whole family are tall and skinny. His parents are disparaging about overweight people or even just people who are not v v slim. It’s not a great starting point.

This sounds awful. I'm plus size so feel strongly about this. I couldn't give a fuck of people think badly of me for being fat. But I do think isa disgusting toxic attitude to have so do think less of people who have this attitude. I wouldn't wnat children around this crap. I think you need to be very careful about how he is with weight and how it has an impact on you. If at a size 10 you're worried you are too big. That's just not cool.

Does he realise that when you hit the menopause you are likely to no longer be a size 8-10? How will he feel about that?

There is so much more to life, and life partnerships, than appearances.

This is why I am sincerely glad I have never been a size 6, or any other size that would feature on your husband's 'sliding scale'. Anyone who feels the way he feels about standards of physical perfection has been removed from my circle before they were ever in it, by virtue of their judgement of me. That suits me absolutely wonderfully.

I hope you find a way to move on from this op.

@Teaanddimebars a 32 bra size means the back width is 32. You can have a C or D cup boob with a narrow back. A size 6 is sized according to shoulder, back, waist and hip size. And has enough give for bigger boobs or a curvier bum. It's width not what protrudes in front or back, if that makes sense. So I have very muscley big calves, bum and thighs but a 24inch waist so fit a size 6 bottom. Similarly am a B/C cup but very narrow torso.

He likes 'his women' slim - how many does he have?!
It's a dickish thing to say and an objectifying way of looking at women. So he basically wants a woman to take up as little space as possible? Why is that?
If someone said that to me I wouldnt fancy them, nevermind whether they fancied me or not.

So no, Yanbu OP.

Many women would be underweight as a size 6. I would be and I'm short.

Op, one serious concern. What’s your BMI ?
Please don’t starve, please don’t stop eating things you like. Love yourself OP. I’m sure you look lovely in size 8, 10, 12 or whatever. People who really love you, would love you whatever size you are. Would your parents or your kids love you less if you were fat?? Expect that kind of love from your partner.
Nothing less. You deserve a man who loves you as you are!!

If he told you you looked wayy sexier when you were size 6 is one thing, telling you he doesn’t fancy you is another.

I’d tell him his flaws until he starts crying!! I’m vengeful like that 😈 soo angry on your behalf!!

Bmi 22.4 so I’m not underweight.

@Bogfrog

Bmi 22.4 so I’m not underweight.

If that’s your BMI currently we’re you not under weight before op?

Speak to your husband set him straight and be firm. A lot of us women were slimmer when we were younger and pre kids I think he’s ungrateful you have given birth to his kids fgs!!

Right.
Hes a dick for saying that. That is all.

Why do you feel unhappy about your size now? (Not a dig at you, more an ask yourself why )
You dont need to be on a restrictive diet to get to where you want to be either. Small changes done consistently soon make big changes.

[quote Redrunbluerun]@CandyLeBonBon I’m a size 6 and mid 30s.[/quote]
Have you had 2 kids though.

Well, that's good OP. You're not underweight or overweight op. You can do what makes you feel best in yourself. You can afford to lose a little, if it makes you feel better but not too much. You could train for more muscle / do cardio to lose fat or both. You can eat a good amount without adding weight. Maybe get a fitness tracker and start an exercise programme and use it to log what you eat to see where you are. That might make you feel better about yourself. Stronger.