No longer a size 6

[Bogfrog]

I met my husband when we were 22. I was a v slim size 6.
We are now late thirties and have 2 kids. I weigh more, have more bumps and I’m
a size 8-10. I exercise approx 5 times a week and don’t eat too many puddings but certainly enjoy my food and wine.
He is now instigating sex less and my confidence is shot after he said there’s a sliding scale of who he finds attractive with a size 6 being the pinnacle.
I am hurt and horrified. He says he still fancies me but I still feel really upset.
AIBU to reconsider the future of our otherwise happy marriage?

It's so depressing how underweight so many size 6 women are. You just need to go onto Instagram.

How many size 6 women are naturally that size without having to control and restrict their diet? So sad.

@Changi

Size 6 ? That’s a child size? Most men want a bit of shape on them? Most size 6 women are pretty androgynous. No boobs or bottoms

Wishful thinking?

Also I looked like an ironing board being a size 6, he's weird.

I don't.

That's great for you, you look amazing. I was just speaking from my own experience.

It wasn’t my intention to shame v slim or bigger ladies. I am bi and find varying female forms attractive.
I was just laying it all out there. Thanks for replies.

@minipie

Honestly can everyone shut up with the “size 6 = child, boy, androgynous, men don’t like that, he must be gay” comments.

First it’s just wrong. I’ve been size 6 most of my adult life (not now) and have always had boobs, thighs and arse. I’m just short and really small boned so can be a 6 even with a little padding. Second it’s rude. Even if someone is an androgynous or boyish shape it’s not ok to belittle that and suggest men don’t like that.

This.

People would be howled down by the collective hoards of MN if they made comparable comments about overweight women.

You do realise that very slim women also get abusive comments from strangers in the street for being thin? You do realise that they also get body image issues from attitudes and comments like those on this thread? That it makes them feel unattractive and unwomanly?

Stop with the woman-body shaming shit, people.

When I met DH about 30 years ago, I was a size 8. I am now, mainly due to ill health a size 24, he still fancies me because he doesn’t really see the outside, he sees the whole person that has borne him children, loved him unconditionally and fought his corner when he needed it, including pushing him to be a better person occasionally.

He is now bigger too, losing some hair, but I still think he is incredibly sexy.

Maybe we just got to be contented with each other, but no one else could better him for me in any way.

I think your size is perfect for you, I will never be that size again, but I have decided in the new year to try to shift this body that makes me unhappy, not him

Why on earth do people get so aggressive about the OP's personal situation with her DH? Who cares what the rest of the world think about a size 6 or size 14 - all that matters is what OP's DH thinks of HER!

OP, totally understand why you are hurt. It's him nitpicking over a few kilos/sizes, and telling you he doesn't find you as attractive as he once did. Very insensitive!! Is he on the spectrum? I ask, as if he is, then he isn't being malicious. However, he needs to understand how that has now made you feel.

Whatever you do, don't feel embarrassed or ashamed of your body. Have an honest conversation with him that you find his superficial attitude to attraction is off putting. It's one thing if he has noticed a change in size, quite another if it has put him off having sex with you. Are you sure it has though, or did you conflate them 2 issues?

Not sure what to suggest other than this is a good time to focus on feeling good about yourself, and doing everything that entails. If he can't get himself to see your beauty irrespective of size, you can't force it. Hopefully he'll shake himself and realise everything your body has been through to give him his children, and the life he's had with you.

If he doesn't, take a lover. I joke. But if you carry on loving yourself, and not giving two shits what he thinks, you'll protect your own self esteem. The best you can do.

Ps: I'm also a short size 6, with curves. You're absolutely not androgynous or whatever crap people are spouting on here. There's different body frames and figures. But your husband is an arse for noticing the minor change of ONE size up.

I was a size 8 when we met. After a few pregnancies and illness I'm a size 18/20.
My dh loves me for me not my size. To him im still sexy.
Your DH sounds awful love is not based on size or looks.

I was a size 8 at 5ft 8 when I met DH. 5 DC later and I was a size 22. He told me he ‘didn’t marry me like that’ (actually I was a size 18 as we got married when DC1 was 3 months old), said he didn’t want sex etc. Difference is my weight gain was massive and he quite reasonably didn’t find me attractive. Looking back I don’t blame him! He was also very supportive in my efforts to get rid of it knowing that’s I’d put it on due to having his DC and was encouraging me to get out to the gym, buying me exercise stuff etc.

Your situation is rather different (8/10 is hardly flabby even if you are short) and your DH sounds like a deeply shallow knob. His body hasn’t changed because he didn’t carry 2 babies. Pregnancy can also have an effect on thyroid function which is why a lot of woman retain and gain weight after pregnancy, along with comfort eating due to extreme tiredness and/or PND, boredom due to being stuck at home with a baby, and the stress of being the main carer while a lot of the time men’s lives carry on unhindered aside from ‘helping’ with bath time or changing the odd nappy.

Is it any wonder our bodies don’t stay the same as pre kids?

@Changi

Size 6 ? That’s a child size? Most men want a bit of shape on them? Most size 6 women are pretty androgynous. No boobs or bottoms

Wishful thinking?

Also I looked like an ironing board being a size 6, he's weird.

I don't.

Yes to this! I have the same type of figure and am sick of nasty bitter women insulting size 6 as if we are paedo magnets or only attract gay men. It’s quite embarrassing they feel so insecure in themselves they immediately need to insult another woman who is a different shape or size. I myself never look at another woman and judge her appearance in a negative way, if I were to judge someone it’s usually by however they are behaving! OP I don’t know the answer but maybe he is just getting older and less bothered about it.

@WillSantaBeComingToTown

Its rude to say that slim women dont look like women and that a man could well be gay because he's attracted to them. We wouldn't be able to sit here slagging off size 22 womens bodies and questioning the sexuality of the men attracted to them without a massive backlash. But hey, skinny women dont even look like women, he must be gay to like that.

I'm not even slim but fuck me, skinny women have as much right to not have their figure slagged off as fat women. Just because you dont find it attractive.

Size 6 on a short woman is perfectly natural.

who cares what your husband thinks of women's body shapes. Post a photo of his dad bod and we'll be the judge...
He is making you feel negatively about yourself, seen it so many times on here and elsewhere over the years.

Most size 6 women are pretty androgynous. No boobs or bottoms

WillSantaBeComingToTown How ridiculous. I’m a petite size six and I have a slim figure with large boobs and a 26inch waist.

@Bogfrog

I met my husband when we were 22. I was a v slim size 6. We are now late thirties and have 2 kids. I weigh more, have more bumps and I’m a size 8-10. I exercise approx 5 times a week and don’t eat too many puddings but certainly enjoy my food and wine. He is now instigating sex less and my confidence is shot after he said there’s a sliding scale of who he finds attractive with a size 6 being the pinnacle. I am hurt and horrified. He says he still fancies me but I still feel really upset. AIBU to reconsider the future of our otherwise happy marriage?

I find it sad that you haven't changed that much but it is an issue. My DH has gone grey & aged since we got together. I have gone up a dress size. He does like my breasts and I still fancy him.

@Tinacollada

Was hoping for this to be a footwear related thread

My feet changed size (got a size bigger) after having my second kid.

I can report that my partner still seems to fancy me and hasn't left me because of my giant feet!

OP your husband sounds incredibly shallow. And thoughtless - it was utterly thoughtless to say that to you (bad enough if he was thinking it, but keep it to yourself man!) It's the shallowness of judging attractiveness - on such a small size difference - that would make me question things. Ageing naturally changes a lot of things. I'd be worried if he was in this with me for the long haul - sickness and in health and all that. Love and attraction have always gone together for me and none of the changes that come with age seem to affect that.

You don't have low self esteem, you have a rude self centered husband who looks at you like an object not as a person.
What's also going on is that you are not telling him how pissed off you are with his shallow remarks.
Maybe he's lying about why he doesn't want so much sex.
He's trying to make it about you to cause a distraction from his own lack of libido.
Why don't you tell him you preferred him when he was 'sexier' and now that he's older he's not so sexy.
But you probably wouldn't do that because you think about his feelings.
He doesn't think about your feelings. He thinks about his needs and puts those FIRST.

Lets get real here - theres nothing particularly non androgynous looking about being just a big round shape. To hear people talk you'd think everyone who was a size 12 and up on here looks like a Kardashian, but you only have to take a look at your high street to realise thats not the reality of what's out there.
Heavier doesnt mean curvier.

These threads due to the title will have smaller women on and thus nasty tedious trolls are drawn to them.

I remember one time i felt at home was when I got sent to Singapore for work. The women were my height or shorter generally and the build was similar generally.

Unless people think the majority of women in Asia look like men/ children (which is well a word I won't mention) then you need to have a think and realise you're talking shit.

I know it's fun putting the boot into other women but

A. Why, on a support thread and
B. Again why, you are derailing from OP question

So maybe it would be good if all the (racist sizeist) people who can't relate to the OP could go and start another thread. And leave the women who can relate to OP to have be a conversation about her situation.

Do you have any pre implant pics?

I haven't had implants. Eat your heart out.

Whaaaattttt!!!!!!!!!! Size 6 is teeny weeny. I mean it's fine if that is what your body shape is, but that seems very weird that he is attracted to you dependent on you being a size 6 versus a 8-10. I mean if you said you went from a 6 to a 22, okay that's a big change, but Jeez, you've had kids. And so what!? Nuts! Does he not like women's bodies? I've gone from a slim 10 to a muffin topped 12 over lockdown. I'm not loving it myself but my husband is of the attitude there is more to love!

It is not weird for a man to be attracted to slim women either. Let’s be completely honest, being slim has been a beauty ideal for a very long time. Being overweight - not so much. The thick/curvy figure that’s popular is specifically an exaggerated hourglass figure with a tiny, defined waist, not being plus size in general.

Thank you Jurassic.

I don’t know why people are getting worked up about a poster saying size 6 women don’t usually have boobs or bottoms really. This is true, not an insult

If a woman has, for example, a size 6 waist but boobs that are bigger than a size 6 measurement then they wouldn’t fit into a size 6 dress , because there wouldn’t be room for their breasts. That is what being in proportion means, the whole dress size.

When I was a size 6, I could wear age 12/13 clothes as that was the corresponding size in Childrenwear. I’m sure 12/13 year olds who had already hit puberty would have moved into size 8/10 women’s clothes instead. I fitted into them due to being pretty much flat chested at the time and due to having a tiny frame as well as very low body fat.

There were things I liked about my body at that size, but I did not have proper breasts as I did not have enough body fat. Generally, that tiny waist but “curvy” look is only achieved with surgery if a woman is very thin - although I have known the odd exception, but again, not true size 6 as the chest and bum measurements would have been too big.

It's very much his problem, OP.
Good men won't care about your size or shape.
The remedy to this is not to skinny shame btw!
I'm a size 6 and have body image issues and dysmorphia which I am addressing.

Just to add, if you were a 22, that would be fine too!