No longer a size 6

[Bogfrog]

I met my husband when we were 22. I was a v slim size 6.
We are now late thirties and have 2 kids. I weigh more, have more bumps and I’m
a size 8-10. I exercise approx 5 times a week and don’t eat too many puddings but certainly enjoy my food and wine.
He is now instigating sex less and my confidence is shot after he said there’s a sliding scale of who he finds attractive with a size 6 being the pinnacle.
I am hurt and horrified. He says he still fancies me but I still feel really upset.
AIBU to reconsider the future of our otherwise happy marriage?

Sorry missed your question. No, you never get over it!
It can’t be unsaid.
It’s nasty and not how we speak to people we love.

Honestly can everyone shut up with the “size 6 = child, boy, androgynous, men don’t like that, he must be gay” comments.

First it’s just wrong. I’ve been size 6 most of my adult life (not now) and have always had boobs, thighs and arse. I’m just short and really small boned so can be a 6 even with a little padding. Second it’s rude. Even if someone is an androgynous or boyish shape it’s not ok to belittle that and suggest men don’t like that.

A lot of people panic as they approach 40. He might be having a loss of libedo and is in denial about it, so are looking for reasons why he isn't as horny as he used to be.

It doesn't excuse it, but I've heard similar over the years.

My DD got into weightlifting and Martial arts, she is a shapely size 6, with a bigger bum than she had at a size 12. Some of the slim shaming comments on here are terrible.

And if you want to eat a pudding , eat it !!

Wow I hope he's perfect. I was a size 14 when I met my husband. 16 years, 3 kids and many health conditions have made me a size 20 now and my husband still loves me as I am and would never make a negative comment. You sound perfectly healthy at a size 8-10

People fancy what they fancy, it's as simple as that.
He's not saying he doesn't love you, he doesn't find you as physically attracted since you have changed since he met you.

I don't fancy my husband when he looses too much weight, it's just not my preference and I completely accept he doesn't find fat attractive (not that I am saying you are by any means OP). He wouldn't leave me if I became fat as he loves me and there is more to our relationship than appearances, but we don't find each other as attractive with the changes I mentioned,

Plus your weight and the way you look should be for you and no man.

@tillyandmilly

Size 6 ? That’s a child size? Most men want a bit of shape on them?

A hell of a lot of men like em young though. Perhaps OP is one of them?

Urgh I'd be shoving cakes and all kinds down my mouth in front of him on purpose just to wind him up

... Ugh. I missed the last update while typing. Sounds like he has more issues than I realised. Commenting on people's weight "a lot"? That's a very unattractive feature.

I'd definitely have a talk with him about how he's damaging your self-esteem. I wouldn't want my children to grow up to be obsessed with weight, either!

dont you remember signing a contract saying that you would never get old OP, and that youd look 22 forever

What an arse he is to undermine your confidence like this. Nothing wrong with a size 6 but any adult male should be aware that the body of a woman in their thirties who has had 2 children is unlikely to be that of what sounds like a late developing, quite childish looking 22 year old. (nothing wrong with being a size 6 but its quite rare to stay a size 6 all your life).

Its actually pretty creepy, because what he is saying is that, on a sliding scale, he prefers the bodies of women who haven't reached full maturity.

I actually understand the gay comment as my gay male friends make rude, stupid remarks about womens' bodies all the time. They clearly have no ability to understand that womens' hormone make womens' bodies different from mens', and they can be pretty rude about normal female features and normal sized women.

So, yes I'd actually find his attitude really, really odd and I wouldn't let him get away with it. At the very least, I would be picking his own ageing appearance to pieces.

OP, sounds like you're in great shape with a healthy attitude to life! Keep it up and ignore your husband's comments. He fancies you because you are who you are now. He definitely wouldn't fancy you if you were still size 6 and choking back cigs for brekkie. He just hasn't realised this yet.

Well he’s be horrified by me. Lockdown has me at a 12.

I’ve been a 6, 14 and everything in between. My husband has never commented like that.

He is the problem, not your figure.

@Audreyseyebrows

What’s with all the skinny shaming comments! You are as bad as op’s Dh!

Particularly the one about "stick insects" being "deeply unattractive". 🙄

As a size 6-8 my whole life I'd no doubt be considered to fall into this category and I can say with confidence I've always been regarded as the opposite of "deeply unattractive".

It sounds like he likes you unhealthy and on very controlled diet. Very odd when you love someone. This is really sad op. For the love of God dont make yourself sick in order to please his weird fantasies.

Your body changes when you have children. It gets wider for pregnancy. You are a woman not a teenager.

If he doesn't realise that then I honestly don't know what planet he's from.

Size 6 ? That’s a child size? Most men want a bit of shape on them

Some women are naturally that size, so why would insult them by calling them child like?

Who cares what most men like, its what most women like to look like that matters, and men like all different shapes and sizes.

@Bourbonbiccy

Size 6 ? That’s a child size? Most men want a bit of shape on them

Some women are naturally that size, so why would insult them by calling them child like?

Who cares what most men like, its what most women like to look like that matters, and men like all different shapes and sizes.

Child like ... stick insect .... all just ways of shaming naturally slim women.

Shame on those who make these comments!

Well, did he not think about the fact that age and childbirth (and enjoying life) does change a person's shape? Before he committed to marriage? Does he love you? Or just your physical body the way it was?

I'd find it exhausting trying to be what I was when we first met. I was a size six too, when I met DH. That was because I was miserable, traumatised, and didn't eat. Now I'm a size 10- 12. I've had two kids, we both love food and wine and have a bit too much of both.

We made our vows in earnest. We realised that our 49 year old selves would be very different, physically and in many ways mentally, from our 20 year old selves.

And I also think he sounds pretty bloody vain and self aborbed.

If he is commenting on weight bear in mind that a fair few celebrities and people in the media are actual underweight. Try putting a few of the heights and weights from the celebrity weights I linked to upthread through this BMI calculator.

https://www.webmd.com/diet/body-bmi-calculator

So it would not be surprising if he is getting a very warped view of what is optimal regarding weight and size, health wise.

He sounds like an absolute arse. I was a size 8/10 when I met and married my husband, a baby later and I'm now a size 14. I'm 5foot 2 so its obvious I've put on a lot of weight. He still finds me attractive.

I know I was better looking age 22. Most people are. However he’s obviously older too so hoped he would find me v hot still even though I’m older/a bit different..as he is too.
Maybe I expect too much. Maybe my low self esteem means I require validation.
I know if I left, I would find validation else where. I’m not trying to sound arrogant but back in the day when going out was allowed...I got a fair bit of attention. I’m not naive enough to rate that as highly as an otherwise successful marriage...but I admit I want to be made to feel really good about myself. I’m only 38. I want to feel sexy.

What a horrible thing for him to say, whether you pushed for this answer or not. You bore two children for goodness sake - of course your body is going to have changed !!

I met my husband when I was a size 10 and very fit. Now I'm a lazy lump of lard at a size 22 (thanks to being chained to the computer for 14 h a day this year).

He had hair when we met and had a really toned body. Now he's balding and flabby.

We don't really have sex anymore but that is thanks to him having his prostate removed, but we have built a life, memories, a home and a family together and love each other deeply. Because of that we are each other's most attractive, beautiful person.

No one can stay the same as they age. It's biologically impossible. Where the raw physical attraction used to be - something better and deeper replaces it. A rambling, incoherent way of saying it's not just how you look that should matter.

I don't know what to advise to be honest. It depends on how important being hot is to you in your marriage, but he does sound a bit of a dick to be so rude to someone who gave him children and feels less than confident.

Size 6 is very slim. And like someone says mostly no boobs or bum. And this is coming from someone who is size 6-8! I find it odd he finds 8-10 big. I always think of myself on the really skinny and small side!