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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No longer a size 6

283 replies

Bogfrog · 18/12/2020 18:17

I met my husband when we were 22. I was a v slim size 6.
We are now late thirties and have 2 kids. I weigh more, have more bumps and I’m
a size 8-10. I exercise approx 5 times a week and don’t eat too many puddings but certainly enjoy my food and wine.
He is now instigating sex less and my confidence is shot after he said there’s a sliding scale of who he finds attractive with a size 6 being the pinnacle.
I am hurt and horrified. He says he still fancies me but I still feel really upset.
AIBU to reconsider the future of our otherwise happy marriage?

OP posts:
Changi · 18/12/2020 19:18

Size 6 ? That’s a child size? Most men want a bit of shape on them?
Most size 6 women are pretty androgynous. No boobs or bottoms

Wishful thinking?

Also I looked like an ironing board being a size 6, he's weird.

I don't.

No longer a size 6
Whyistheteacold · 18/12/2020 19:18

Sorry, so those of us who are a size 6 can't possibly be attractive to a normal heterosexual man because we are all child sized androgynous boys 🙄 what disgusting, bitchy and factually incorrect things to say. As I am petite and a size 6, my BMI is in the normal healthy range, I definitely have curves and do not look like a child. I have the hips of a woman who birthed a beautiful DD. My DP is not some kind of weird paedophile for finding my size 6 body attractive.

Honestly, body shaming doesn't just apply to plus size people. And while we're at it, there is nothing wrong with having an androgynous figure either. To the person who apparently looks at naked women professionally, I would suggest getting a new job.

SecretSpAD · 18/12/2020 19:20

Particularly the one about "stick insects" being "deeply unattractive".
The deeply unattractive people in this world are the twats who judge a persons worth based on how they look and their body size.

TheCrowsHaveEyes · 18/12/2020 19:21

Perhaps the posters wanting to debate what a size 6 looks like could start their own thread rather than derailing OP's thread. Hmm

Bourbonbiccy · 18/12/2020 19:23

Perhaps the posters wanting to debate what a size 6 looks like could start their own thread rather than derailing OP's thread. 

Absolutely they should take their vile and offensive comments elsewhere, preferably not on this forum anywhere.

Blondiney · 18/12/2020 19:23

@Changi

Size 6 ? That’s a child size? Most men want a bit of shape on them? Most size 6 women are pretty androgynous. No boobs or bottoms

Wishful thinking?

Also I looked like an ironing board being a size 6, he's weird.

I don't.

Do you have any pre implant pics?
mbosnz · 18/12/2020 19:23

When I was size 6, I had a kick arse butt and boobs. I was sexy as fuck. I'm still sexy as fuck. At size 10-12. For many women, size 6 is their natural size, and they're beautiful. That wasn't my natural size, and as my life gained equilibrium, my size changed. My life partner's finding me sexy as fuck, didn't . Because his love and desire wasn't based on me being what he viewed as his acceptable ideal of a sexy woman.

ReeseWitherfork · 18/12/2020 19:23

All could have been avoided if OP hadn't specified the size. It's really hard not to read "a size 6 is sexy but an 8-10 isn't". Especially for those of us who will never be a size 10. She could have easily left it with an ambiguous "I'm a dress size bigger than I was 16 years ago when I met my OH".

BabyLlamaZen · 18/12/2020 19:26

@ReeseWitherfork

All could have been avoided if OP hadn't specified the size. It's really hard not to read "a size 6 is sexy but an 8-10 isn't". Especially for those of us who will never be a size 10. She could have easily left it with an ambiguous "I'm a dress size bigger than I was 16 years ago when I met my OH".
It's because it's on the verge of unhealthy so quite dark and ridiculous all in one.

Also it's not just that. Any man being that disinterested sexually for going up one dress size after having kids is a pig. Whether it's 6 to 8 or 14 to 16.

JustLikeStitch · 18/12/2020 19:26

Boo fucking hoo. Not a size six because you’re an adult

Boulshired · 18/12/2020 19:26

The problem with these threads it’s a mixture of insulting naturally sized petite women with the pressure of being this size for women who are potentially unhealthy and maybe seriously in danger. It’s an outlier size that has more to do with body shape than weight. The size was to insult the OP as there will be some with less body fat in a size 8 than a size 6 and I guarantee he will not be able to tell the difference.

PatchworkElmer · 18/12/2020 19:27

You’ve changed shape because you’ve had his children, and are living a healthier lifestyle. This is his issue, not yours.

Coconut2010 · 18/12/2020 19:27

OP - my husband is the same as yours, I am now a size 6-8, same as when we met and he keeps complimenting me about my body, which he didn’t do as much when I was a size 8-10 post pregnancies.
However I don’t really mind as I also prefer myself at a size 6 (and he is a very good husband otherwise!).

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/12/2020 19:28

Playing devils advocate though, if you are attracted to a certain body type you can’t help it can you?.

Long term that wines going to damage your body & increase your risk of breast cancer. Is it really worth it?.

Defenbaker · 18/12/2020 19:28

Is this for real? You both sound very immature and shallow in your outlook.

ReeseWitherfork · 18/12/2020 19:29

It's because it's on the verge of unhealthy so quite dark and ridiculous all in one.

I suppose you are right; even OP does refer to it being unhealthy for her (the bit about skipping meals in favour of cigarettes).

Also it's not just that. Any man being that disinterested sexually for going up one dress size after having kids is a pig. Whether it's 6 to 8 or 14 to 16.

I concur. Well, kids or not, any man that can't accept his wife's body might change in 16 years is pretty damn low in my expectations!

Mammyloveswine · 18/12/2020 19:29

Well my husband jokes about my weight gain (as I do!) but still fancies me and tells me I'm beautiful!

We are both going on a health kick in the new year as we've both put on at least 3 stone since we got married!

I was an 8 am now a comfortable 12...a small 10 will do me just fine! I want to lost 2 stone but I'm not going to weigh myself I'm going to just focus on exercising and eating right as I had an eating disorder in the past and become obsessed really easily!

You sound gorgeous op, I do wonder if your husband still thinks you're a size 6?

I'd have a chat with him and discuss...it's definitely an insensitive thing to say especially as sizes are really arbitrary!

immortalstone · 18/12/2020 19:29

Most size 6 women are pretty androgynous. No boobs or bottoms

FFS how is this shaming, critical attitude to women's bodies about better than OP's arse of a husband's?

CrotchBurn · 18/12/2020 19:29

As a skinny woman who likes her body I nevertheless feel strangely hurt by this thread.

I guess the sisterhood only works when it's about supporting bigger women.

namochangoro · 18/12/2020 19:30

my BMI is in the normal healthy range

The reason I mentioned BMI, is that a lot (obviously not all) of women will be underweight at a size 6. Which is not generally considered healthy. If you are very muscular, or on the shorter side height wise, this might not be the case. However, a lot of people in the public eye are (most probably) underweight, at least according to that website I linked to. Even if that website is all made up it just shows you what is deemed aspirational for women in terms of appearance. I myself Amat the lower end of my BMI. I'd still like a flatter stomach but do not want to go underweight for it. So I am trying to build some more muscle but don't know how that will pan out. But this is for me. I'm no model type. I've had a mastectomy without reconstruction for a kick off! Thankfully my DH prefers me alive, though...

mbosnz · 18/12/2020 19:31

Nope, I'm supporting my sisters who are healthy and happy whatever their size. And fuck that no boobs or bum shit.

Audreyseyebrows · 18/12/2020 19:32

@Bogfrog I’m experiencing similar at the moment.

Clymene · 18/12/2020 19:33

I think any man who doesn't worship at the alter of the woman who put her life at risk to bear his children is an absolute tool tbh

Deadringer · 18/12/2020 19:34

Tell him to fuck off. The pinnicle of attraction for me is Armie Hammer, but i am not married to him and don't expect my husband to look like him. We age, our bodies change, we just need to get on with it.

Tinacollada · 18/12/2020 19:34

Was hoping for this to be a footwear related thread