Page 11 | Aibu to expect relative to sleep on the sofa for a night

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 2020-12-17T23:22:01+00:00

Hi, just want outsiders opinions. Obviously xmas is coming up and me and my bf, sister and her bf and mum and dad are meeting up as the 3 bubbles that are allowed. We are meeting up at our parents house which is a 3 bed terrace house. 2 doubles, one single. I still live at home (I’m the youngest) and live in the second double (upgraded from the shoe box room when my sister moved out earlier this year), our parents in the other. My sister hasn’t seen us a lot this year because of covid so we’re all excited to see her and her bf. She has now made a fuss about not coming over because of not having her old room and the double bed in it (which i brought) to sleep on during her two night (max) stay. They live an hour and a half away -60 miles one way. Is it to much to ask to bring their double air mattress and sleep downstairs for a night or two? Or just take the sofas. How do other people solve issues of houses being too small to fit bfs/gfs/ extended family over? I believe this is a bit of embarrassment as well- her bf has never been to our little house and grew up in a big house with his own en-suite and everything. She and her boyfriend are both uni educated as are his family- we aren’t. I think she feels ashamed by her humble beginnings...

RedskyAtnight · 18/12/2020 20:35

What's a transmission chain? OP is within the rules.

Where A sees B who sees C who sees D who sees E .... Which means the virus can be passed from one to the other.

OP is not within the rules. If you RTFT you'll find out that there's at least 5 or 6 households involved in her family's Christmas plans.

TheCanyon · 18/12/2020 21:05

I think it's weird as fuck that you don't accept that you're boyfriend presumably knows your parents well unlike your dsis bf who will no doubt feel awkward/nervous as hell and want a private escape place. You're full of excuses and you know it.

BlueThistles · 18/12/2020 21:34

Why does 'not giving up your bed' equate to not liking your sibling.. there are some very weird responses on here and I think most of them are talking crap.. I bet none of them would give up their bed/bedroom.. for 5 days/nights... none of them..

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 22:06

@RedskyAtnight

What's a transmission chain? OP is within the rules.

Where A sees B who sees C who sees D who sees E .... Which means the virus can be passed from one to the other.

OP is not within the rules. If you RTFT you'll find out that there's at least 5 or 6 households involved in her family's Christmas plans.

We’re not meeting this Xmas anymore because did of the sleeping situation and the 3 bubbles thing. Moving forward there’s always going to be this issue with her and her bf coming to stay...

OP posts:

Bibidy · 18/12/2020 22:10

@Helpneededbyanoutsider

I think tbh that if your parents want your sister to come and stay in the future she has now made it clear how she feels and so it's on them to rearrange the situation in the single room.

You cannot be expected to move out of your bedroom whenever she comes, or face this argument each time either.

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 22:10

@MessAllOver

"Swallow her pride and sleep on the air bed". You refusing to fork out for extortionate rent and planning to stay at home and hog one of the bedrooms until you've saved a deposit? Your parents refusing to remodel the small bedroom to accommodate your sister and partner comfortably?

I'm sorry, OP, but it sounds like you've become very comfortable as a family of three. You sound a bit provincial to me..."prodigal" sister who has abandoned the family and moved away and therefore doesn't deserve the "fatted calf". I'm not surprised she's considering voting with her feet... it's not exactly a warm welcome.

You’ve judged our family totally wrong... hogging one of the rooms?! Literally speechless. Lol.

OP posts:

Wheresmykimchi · 18/12/2020 22:20

@RedskyAtnight

What's a transmission chain? OP is within the rules.

Where A sees B who sees C who sees D who sees E .... Which means the virus can be passed from one to the other.

OP is not within the rules. If you RTFT you'll find out that there's at least 5 or 6 households involved in her family's Christmas plans.

Sorry redsky I missed that

MessAllOver · 18/12/2020 22:21

For us the Xmas period is about family and isn’t so sad that she’s throwing a tantrum over one night in the sofa

She seems to think that she’s right and we know nothing.

Your posts indicate that you're not fond of your sister.

I have taken a long term job here in the town my parents house it in and can’t see myself moving out whilst I have this job. I don’t have enough for a deposit on a mortgage and refuse to pay the extortionate rent, being the youngest my parents are desperate to not have an empty nest until retirement which realistically is going to be when I have a deposit built up anyway. I’m here for the long hall basically really don’t see myself uprooting every time they come up.

You definitely seem to be making a virtue out of self-interest. Not only is your sister paying commercial rent while you live cheaply in your parents' house, but she's to be relegated to the single bed in the box room for all her visits including with boyfriend while you "room-block" the best bedroom in your parents' house (which you have for free) until you decide you've saved an adequate deposit.

I always thought we’d always stay the strong unit we were growing up

Unlikely, if neither you nor your parents are willing to make the effort to make her feel like she is still part of the family. Converting the box room to a snug double (rather than a walk-in closet) would seem the least you could do, so she and boyfriend don't have you all tripping over them in the morning when they fancy a lie in. Why would anyone want to bring a boyfriend home to that?

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 22:27

@R3ALLY

Sorry to be the Covid police but that’s your family, your sister and partner, your partner and then the two boyfriends’ families (including at least one Granny) all meeting , or within one degree of meeting over the space of a few days ...

We are not meeting with them anymore... I’ve explained the Covid rules to her and my parents have said she can come if she wants... but that would mean choosing between bf family or us, she’s going to them as it’s a more important time for them (religious)

OP posts:

Boulshired · 18/12/2020 22:28

The sister will probably come alone and not at the festive periods. Or short visits. It’s irrelevant how people feel about sleeping in the living room if they feel uncomfortable they will be honest and say so or find reasons not to come. I have no problem with an air bed in a spare room, study or dining room, but I am not sleeping in someone living room, especially when I hardly know them. I rather sleep in the car. If the choose the hotel route then they will weigh up the cost with the visit.

Wheresmykimchi · 18/12/2020 22:35

@Helpneededbyanoutsider bit of a sly move there with the 'covid rules ' OP. Has she only just said she was going to her boyfriends or did you know that before bed saga?

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 22:35

@MessAllOver

For us the Xmas period is about family and isn’t so sad that she’s throwing a tantrum over one night in the sofa

She seems to think that she’s right and we know nothing.

Your posts indicate that you're not fond of your sister.

I have taken a long term job here in the town my parents house it in and can’t see myself moving out whilst I have this job. I don’t have enough for a deposit on a mortgage and refuse to pay the extortionate rent, being the youngest my parents are desperate to not have an empty nest until retirement which realistically is going to be when I have a deposit built up anyway. I’m here for the long hall basically really don’t see myself uprooting every time they come up.

You definitely seem to be making a virtue out of self-interest. Not only is your sister paying commercial rent while you live cheaply in your parents' house, but she's to be relegated to the single bed in the box room for all her visits including with boyfriend while you "room-block" the best bedroom in your parents' house (which you have for free) until you decide you've saved an adequate deposit.

I always thought we’d always stay the strong unit we were growing up

Unlikely, if neither you nor your parents are willing to make the effort to make her feel like she is still part of the family. Converting the box room to a snug double (rather than a walk-in closet) would seem the least you could do, so she and boyfriend don't have you all tripping over them in the morning when they fancy a lie in. Why would anyone want to bring a boyfriend home to that?

I am fond of my sister and we are close. This whole situation came out of no where last night... she’s since apologised and says they’re not coming now but will facetime us instead on the days they were supposed to be coming. This is after I sent a message about not mixing three bubbles.

If only you knew...my parents paid her half of the rent every month and funded her though uni. Sorry but I don’t think ‘hogging’ as you call it, a room in the house that they own is worse out of the two.

OP posts:

AppleJane · 18/12/2020 22:35

We've got a pull down bed in our box room. It's snug for two to sleep in but plenty of room to get changed etc when pushed back.

Emeraldshamrock · 18/12/2020 22:39

Wow you've had to explain lots on this thread. As Dsis hasn't visited in a long time I'd give up my room and sleep on the blow up bed with BF.
It'll be like a little downstairs mini break.

SunshineCake · 18/12/2020 22:40

Maybe they don't want the sofas as they want to have sex in a bed.

Emeraldshamrock · 18/12/2020 22:40

Awh read your update she is not coming.
That is sad for your folks.

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 22:41

@Emeraldshamrock

Wow you've had to explain lots on this thread. As Dsis hasn't visited in a long time I'd give up my room and sleep on the blow up bed with BF. It'll be like a little downstairs mini break.

I hate on other threads when the OP doesn’t answer anyone’s questions! Can’t bear the not knowing how it ends

OP posts:

IndecentFeminist · 18/12/2020 22:43

Paying half the rent through uni is very different to housing you indefinitely. It is a very normal state of affairs to help a child through university, continuing education towards independence. Living at home indefinitely is less so.

You don't sound like you want any independence? Which strikes me as odd. From your most recent posts I do feel a little more that you are being slightly more unreasonable, you're not planning on moving out of your parents' home for the foreseeable so there is nowhere for her to stay full stop.

Womencanlift · 18/12/2020 22:44

@SunshineCake

Maybe they don't want the sofas as they want to have sex in a bed.

I’m sure they can contain themselves for a couple of days until they get home 🙄

Plus it’s pretty disrespect to have sex when you are sleeping in someone else’s bed - regardless of whether the sister still classes it as ‘her’ room, it’s not her bed as the OP and her bf paid for a new one

Scottishskifun · 18/12/2020 22:45

It sounds like your sister is throwing a bit of a strop because she didn't get her own way!

Nothing wrong with a air bed in the living room given your plans have been set for months with your BF staying

IndecentFeminist · 18/12/2020 22:47

I would also say that if your living situation is as permanent as it is, then for the odd unusual occasion like Christmas offering guests is quite a normal, hospitable thing to do. Given that you are your boyfriend see yourselves as a permanent fixture so are likely to feel more comfortable around the house than her partner does, for example.

MeringueCloud · 18/12/2020 22:52

Could your parents get bunk beds for the smallest bedroom?

MessAllOver · 18/12/2020 22:55

@Helpneededbyanoutsider. I mean, lots of parents fund their children through university. That's not beyond the scope of what normal parents do.

As I said, I don't think you're in the wrong for refusing to give up your room. It's your room atm. But neither do I think your sister is wrong to refuse to come. She clearly realises that staying with you and your parents is going to be uncomfortable with the new boyfriend and so is keen to avoid it. And you may not like the term but you are 'blocking' the double room and it sounds like you intend to do so for a long time. If you both lived away from home, you could take turns having the room if you were visiting at the same time. Your parents may be happy with the arrangement and there are clearly sensible reasons for it from your side (saving for a deposit etc.) but the overall result is that your sister is pushed out. So I can see why she's not thrilled.

Tbh, I just don't get why your parents wouldn't consider converting the box room. Do they want your sister to visit frequently?

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 23:03

@IndecentFeminist

Paying half the rent through uni is very different to housing you indefinitely. It is a very normal state of affairs to help a child through university, continuing education towards independence. Living at home indefinitely is less so.

You don't sound like you want any independence? Which strikes me as odd. From your most recent posts I do feel a little more that you are being slightly more unreasonable, you're not planning on moving out of your parents' home for the foreseeable so there is nowhere for her to stay full stop.

They pay her half of the rent in her and her bf’s flat that they’re currently living in. She works full time on a better salary than my parents get individually.

OP posts:

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 23:06

[quote MessAllOver]@Helpneededbyanoutsider. I mean, lots of parents fund their children through university. That's not beyond the scope of what normal parents do.

As I said, I don't think you're in the wrong for refusing to give up your room. It's your room atm. But neither do I think your sister is wrong to refuse to come. She clearly realises that staying with you and your parents is going to be uncomfortable with the new boyfriend and so is keen to avoid it. And you may not like the term but you are 'blocking' the double room and it sounds like you intend to do so for a long time. If you both lived away from home, you could take turns having the room if you were visiting at the same time. Your parents may be happy with the arrangement and there are clearly sensible reasons for it from your side (saving for a deposit etc.) but the overall result is that your sister is pushed out. So I can see why she's not thrilled.

Tbh, I just don't get why your parents wouldn't consider converting the box room. Do they want your sister to visit frequently?[/quote]
They want to put in a garden room that will be convertible for guests, eventually. I have said I will split the cost with them (they’re about £15k) when I have the money. Hence why they’d rather have a walk in wardrobe

OP posts: