Aibu to expect relative to sleep on the sofa for a night

[Helpneededbyanoutsider]

Hi, just want outsiders opinions. Obviously xmas is coming up and me and my bf, sister and her bf and mum and dad are meeting up as the 3 bubbles that are allowed.
We are meeting up at our parents house which is a 3 bed terrace house. 2 doubles, one single. I still live at home (I’m the youngest) and live in the second double (upgraded from the shoe box room when my sister moved out earlier this year), our parents in the other.
My sister hasn’t seen us a lot this year because of covid so we’re all excited to see her and her bf.

She has now made a fuss about not coming over because of not having her old room and the double bed in it (which i brought) to sleep on during her two night (max) stay. They live an hour and a half away -60 miles one way.

Is it to much to ask to bring their double air mattress and sleep downstairs for a night or two? Or just take the sofas.
How do other people solve issues of houses being too small to fit bfs/gfs/ extended family over?
I believe this is a bit of embarrassment as well- her bf has never been to our little house and grew up in a big house with his own en-suite and everything. She and her boyfriend are both uni educated as are his family- we aren’t.
I think she feels ashamed by her humble beginnings...

I would suggest trying to book at the local premier inn or similar 'average' hotel, although this is a bit late now so might be fully booked.

A few years ago me and DP did the same for xmas at my parents. My old room only had a single bed in. The hotel wasn't too far away, so we went there and set up camp, then walked to my parents. In the evening after some booze, my parents walked with us most of the way back, said their farewells and we carried on back to the hotel where we had our own christmas 'celebrations' cough cough

Of course you should give up your room for a night. Guests first. Your sisters boyfriend is coming to an unfamiliar house, he should get a double bedroom with your sister and you and your BF take the sofa or single. It won’t kill you to be hospitable.

"Swallow her pride and sleep on the air bed". You refusing to fork out for extortionate rent and planning to stay at home and hog one of the bedrooms until you've saved a deposit? Your parents refusing to remodel the small bedroom to accommodate your sister and partner comfortably?

I'm sorry, OP, but it sounds like you've become very comfortable as a family of three. You sound a bit provincial to me..."prodigal" sister who has abandoned the family and moved away and therefore doesn't deserve the "fatted calf". I'm not surprised she's considering voting with her feet... it's not exactly a warm welcome.

I would love to hear the sister's side of all this.

My opinion is that you and your boyfriend make do in the single room for a couple of nights.

They are coming further and are proper guests where as you live there.

Your boyfriend could go home, it's not their fault he's not a driver.

You sound like you're quite young, why can't you share a single for a couple of nights, or one in the single, one in the airbed on the floor. Or drive him home in the evening, might serve as an incentive to you both for him to learn to drive.

If I was your parents I'd pull rank and tell you to move out for your sister. If I was them I'd be embarrassed about asking your sister's boyfriend to sleep in the living room in my house.

Stop being so rude OP.

Who are these people thinking the op is the unreasonable one! My mind boggles!

I've slept on an air mattress in the living room at my husband's parents house. Not a big deal. I was happy to be made welcome there. One year we had two of us on air mattresses in the sitting room and three in the dining room. It was great to all be together. I grew up in a larger house where guests always had their own room, but I wouldn't be so snobby as to consider myself above an air mattress in the sitting room. I don't see the issue.

Not much use on the question, but can I just say the term is 'box room' because it was a small room used for storage, not 'shoe box' room.

Now you’ve said your parents don’t want to make the 3rd bedroom into a double room, I think they’re being rather short sighted. They should want to have enough room for their eldest to come and visit. Your sister will become increasingly distant with that attitude. I’m beginning to think you’re all just plain stubborn. You, your parents and your sister.

@LST

Who are these people thinking the op is the unreasonable one! My mind boggles!

I know! I think this thread shows different family set ups.

In some families it looks like relatives who visit for Christmas expect to take priority over those who actually live there (and also likely expect to have people run around after them because you know they are guests) and the other type of families where the guests realise that they are just temporary visitors and are happy to just be there with family even if that means sleeping in less luxury than they are used to

In my family the permanent people take priority with the exception of older relatives (parents, grandparents etc.) My mum’s sofa is ready for me next week and I can’t wait. Because spending time with my family is more important than throwing my sister out her room

Yes, it does appear that families have different set ups. In DH and my extended family, we don't invite guests unless we can make them comfortable and they get first dibs on everything, including beds. Why invite guests, especially strangers, and then refuse to make them comfortable in your home? It is much less awkward to be sleeping on the sofa in your own home than in someone else's. How do you politely say to your hosts, "Please can you bugger off out of your living room because I've had as much as I can take of you and I want to get some sleep?"

This is pissing me right off
As a fellow younger sister, do not give her your bedroom! She doesn't get to stomp around the house forever because she happened to be born first, she needs to grow up.

Your boyfriend is just as much a guest as her boyfriend. Your boyfriend bought that bed and has a right to sleep in it and shouldn't be booted into the living room so two people he barely knows can shag in his bed.

Tell her to empty all her shit out of the little bedroom and she can put a double bed in there (that she buys, just like you bought your own bed), they dont need other furniture.

@Helpneededbyanoutsider

Can I ask honesty if you guys are all following the 3 household bubble thing. We’ve thought really carefully about ours and how it can work and either way it can’t... My grandma (mums side) is very frail and 86. Hasnt been out the house/ in contact with anyone since March. My uncle want to have her Xmas day to see his husbands mother. My aunt then invited her round Boxing Day- not allowed she’s already seen two other households. Again, she doesn’t care thinks it’ll be nicer for her seeing people then staying indoors. We’re seeing other family and on the phone is asking when we will see her, she doesn’t understand.

Surely other families are having rule breakers like this that simply don’t care.

Yes, we are following the rules. 3 households that don't mix with any other households. It's pretty clear.

It sucks a bit as we're used to a busy Christmas time. Usually, at Christmas, I would spend 25th with my direct family, 26th with my partners dad's family, 27th with my partners mums family, and 28th with my cousins. We'd also usually see friends for coffee. It's usually a very busy time and we usually travel about 200miles in the process.

This year, we are only seeing my direct family. We don't drive, and they are the only people we can get a lift from. So we chose my family so we can avoid going on public transport and risking ourselves and others. Me and my partner live together (household 1) and we are visiting my Mom and her partner (household 2) and my sister and her partner (household 3) are also coming along. We will then be travelling home on the 26th and won't be seeing anyone else at all until we are allowed to do so.

We will visit partner's family when it is safe, likely in the spring time. It's heartbreaking that we can't see his family, including his elderly grandparents. But rules are rules.

From what I've heard people say, and what I've seen people write on forums like this and on social media, I would imagine a lot of people will be breaking the rules. There are two types of rule breakers - blatant rule breaking by having like 6 households together for as long as possible, and subtle rule breakers who are mixing bubbles like OP and OP's family had intended to do. Both groups of rule breakers are unfortunately either saying "what can I do about it, my family are breaking the rules", or they're selfishly expecting everyone else to obey the rules to keep infection rates down. "It won't hurt to have another household" and "I bet I'm not the only one breaking the rules" are just a couple of the pathetic excuses I've seen.

January and February is going to be carnage with death rates massively increasing. People will lose family members and wish they had just followed the damn law.

I've slept in loads of living rooms, of people I barely even know. I would never sleep in the owners bed, I'd feel so uncomfortable.

I dont get this whole treating guests like kings thing. Guests are an imposition, usually a welcome one, because you want to see them. You balance the fact that one party has done all the travelling, with the fact that the other half has opened their home. But I think it's so rude to expect someone elses bed. I cant imagine anyone coming into our home and expecting our bed and I'd never accept sleeping in someone elses bed where all their stuff is. And how do you get ready when someone else is in your room where your clothes and makeup and stuff is? And where do you put your "adult things"? Our room is the only room out of bounds and anything inappropriate for guest eyes goes in there

@MessAllOver

Yes, it does appear that families have different set ups. In DH and my extended family, we don't invite guests unless we can make them comfortable and they get first dibs on everything, including beds. Why invite guests, especially strangers, and then refuse to make them comfortable in your home? It is much less awkward to be sleeping on the sofa in your own home than in someone else's. How do you politely say to your hosts, "Please can you bugger off out of your living room because I've had as much as I can take of you and I want to get some sleep?"

It’s a lot more rude to say to guests right the party is over now guys please go to bed as we want to sleep.

For my sister, I'd give her my room snd double bed. We are close though snd she would for me.

@Nottherealslimshady. How do your guests get ready if they're sleeping in the living-room?

@MessAllOver when we sleep in peoples living rooms we have all our stuff in a bag and get ready in the bathroom. But I wouldn't expect someone to pack a bag with everything they might need while we're at their house and then go without their moisturiser because they forgot it in their bedroom 4 meters away but we're sleeping in there.

Our guests sleep on a sofa bed in the spare room, not big enough for a full time double bed.

In some families it looks like relatives who visit for Christmas expect to take priority over those who actually live there (and also likely expect to have people run around after them because you know they are guests) and the other type of families where the guests realise that they are just temporary visitors and are happy to just be there with family even if that means sleeping in less luxury than they are used to

I think it depends who the guests are.

In this case, I wouldn't consider my sister who had only recently moved out as a 'guest' in the family home and so wouldn't expect to have to reshuffle everything to accommodate her. I have a sister myself and I can't ever imagine her demanding that I move out of my bedroom at our parents' so she and her boyfriend could sleep in it?!

OP What about your parents buying a Z-bed or single blow up to go in the single room and they both sleep in there? That way they still have their own space to retire to.

I think most guests would be embarrassed to think someone had had to move out of their bedroom to accommodate them, especially if it was unwillingly.

I'm sure OP's sister's boyfriend will know all this has been going on since she's threatening to pull the plug on the visit completely. I'd be mortified in his shoes.

I gradually stopped spending any time at my mum’s after I went to uni and she transformed my bedroom (back room) into a formal dining room. I hated sleeping on the sofa. I felt very unwelcome and as people have said, you have no control over when you go to bed or wake up.

At least there IS a bed there for your sister, even if it’s just a single in a box room. The boyfriend complicates things a little, but I still don’t think this is reason enough to kick you out of your bed.

Can I ask honesty if you guys are all following the 3 household bubble thing.

The latest ONS survey found that only half of people will be forming Christmas bubbles. Which is lucky, as it will go to counter balance all the people creating huge long transmission chains like OP is.

@RedskyAtnight

Can I ask honesty if you guys are all following the 3 household bubble thing.

The latest ONS survey found that only half of people will be forming Christmas bubbles. Which is lucky, as it will go to counter balance all the people creating huge long transmission chains like OP is.

What's a transmission chain? OP is within the rules.

My friend is a nightmare like this but she's the mother! She was very firmly banned last year from staying over at her daughter's house any further Christmases.

There is a very megalomaniac mindset where to some - seniority means they will never stop being in control and make all the rules.