Found secret messages on DH phone

[Connie667]

My DH has been acting odd for a while. Distant and always on his phone.

I've never done this before but when he left his phone on the side earlier (which he never does) I looked at it.

There was a messaging app which I've never seen before and I found messages between him and someone saved as "DB" without a profile picture.

The messages date back months. They've sent pictures to each other and he's been asking to meet up with her.

From what I can gather from the pictures she's sent him, she's at least 10 years younger than me (and him!) and also half my size. She's stunning, I can't deny that and he has told her so multiple times.

I haven't said anything to him yet. I have no idea what to do. It's obvious that he's checked out of our marriage and seems to be completely obsessed with this woman.

I think I'm in denial at the moment. Or shock. What am I meant to do now? We have a 1 year old son too.

@ihatesandpits

This is on Reddit as a story

What??? I will ask for the thread to be deleted then.

What are you thinking, OP? Are you planning to go away for a few days?

I wouldn't want to have Christmas Day with him.

What's a Reddit story?

@Applejane it is just another place with threads where people ask advice. It's nothing ominous.

Ah okay. Does that mean someone has stolen the OPs story and put it on there?

Well we just have one random post claiming it is on reddit from someone who has now left the conversation and who didn't provide a link. So....there's no evidence it even is on reddit! It's all v unhelpful and actually cruel to the poor OP who is already stressed. Totally unnecessary post by that person.

Yy. OP has enough to worry about.

Now you've confronted him hopefully you can build a solid plan for the future.

It's easy to be perfect if you've never met the person.

I was thinking scam when you said they'd never physically met. Can you get some restrictions put on your bank accounts so any large transfers need both parties to approve?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I’d love this to be a scam.

Look, I’m going to give tough love but just know I’m a lovely person.

The marriage is over honey. Skip the trouble of finding and paying for counselling. Get that man on the couch, apply for jobs, be independent and a strong role model for your child.

Them assholes deserve each other. That girl is as bad seeing as he’s told her about you and the baby and she’s still encouraging him. Home wrecker...

@hansgrueber

I was always brought up to believe that if you snoop then you're likely to find something you don't like and you deserve to for snooping!

Then you were brought up by very sanctimonious people - and you seem to have followed suit.

@hansgrueber

I was always brought up to believe that if you snoop then you're likely to find something you don't like and you deserve to for snooping!

What a hideous and unnecessary comment, not to mention absolute bollocks.

What has stopped them meeting up? Where is she? Any clues in the messages, or did he say?
Yes, to you staying in your home and asking him to leave.

@hansgrueber I'll bet you're one of those annoying ppl who shout "grass!!!" when someone's trying to help someone in need! Turn that around: if something gives you reason to look, you have every right to know if it concerns you and your children.

OP, you should start laughing at your DP, he's pathetic, ridicule the man and get rid. So sorry that he's deceived you and your child - hope you get to spend Christmas with loved ones.

@hansgrueber

I was always brought up to believe that if you snoop then you're likely to find something you don't like and you deserve to for snooping!

Omg you really live up to your username. BUBBY.

hansgrueber

“I was always brought up to believe that if you snoop then you're likely to find something you don't like and you deserve to for snooping!”

Great upbringing, weren’t you also taught if you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t say anything at all?

Pathetic comment, her husbands been messaging somebody for god knows how long but she deserves it because she looked? Grow up

"Our whole relationship feels like a joke. How can one woman completely change everything. A woman that he's never met! What's so special about her?"

There is nothing special about her. What he is doing is starting a process of hurting you as much as he can in order to absolve himself of responsibility for his actions so you will seem like the hysterical unreasonable one. This is the start of it. The key thing here is to remember he is trying to preserve himself. This is about him, not you. You've done nothing wrong, no one deserves this and there is going to be more that you've not uncovered yet. For my own sanity I kept digging so I was sure it wasn't me. That he had definitely purposely sought to hurt me this much. Remembering this helps you keep your resolve when they eventually realise how much they've fucked up and want you back.

I'm so sorry this is happening. But please don't think there is anything special about this woman. There isn't. You deserve a relationship where you can be seen for the wonderful person you are. And you are because you're trying so hard to understand him. But he truly does not deserve it.

What a bastard. Another one hoping it’s a scam.

He is living in a dream world! The reality won't be like he thinks. I know this is hard but let him have it. Dont let him drag you down x