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Original poster

Found secret messages on DH phone

194 replies

Connie667 · 17/12/2020 20:10

My DH has been acting odd for a while. Distant and always on his phone.

I've never done this before but when he left his phone on the side earlier (which he never does) I looked at it.

There was a messaging app which I've never seen before and I found messages between him and someone saved as "DB" without a profile picture.

The messages date back months. They've sent pictures to each other and he's been asking to meet up with her.

From what I can gather from the pictures she's sent him, she's at least 10 years younger than me (and him!) and also half my size. She's stunning, I can't deny that and he has told her so multiple times.

I haven't said anything to him yet. I have no idea what to do. It's obvious that he's checked out of our marriage and seems to be completely obsessed with this woman.

I think I'm in denial at the moment. Or shock. What am I meant to do now? We have a 1 year old son too.

OP posts:
firecracker69 · 17/12/2020 22:59

"With over 800 million users of WeChat Pay in China, WeChat users are a lucrative target for scammers." Looks like he's fucked up in more ways than one.

AppleJane · 17/12/2020 23:02

What a shit.

I'd probably find it difficult to disguise my anger but if you can be clever about it give yourself time to organise. Take a video with your phone while scrolling through the messages if you get chance.

Noshowlomo · 17/12/2020 23:06

Good advice on just thinking about what YOU want. Does she seem like a real person.. could you find her on social media ?

myhobbyisouting · 17/12/2020 23:08

Do not let on about the scam stuff. You'll be giving him a get out.

"With over 800 million users of WeChat Pay in China, WeChat users are a lucrative target for scammers." Looks like he's fucked up in more ways than one."

No, it doesn't. Because those 800 million users already use wechat. He didn't.

The fact is that she's his only contact so it's more likely she's an actual person and told him to add her preferred platform. Or the possibility is that he's done it before and knows how to hide it.

His affair can hide in plain sight by using a messaging system solely for the affair. It's like hiding a second phone within his phone. Doesn't take a genius and he thinks it makes it less suss than locking his phone or hiding WhatsApp or messenger from you.

CakeRequired · 17/12/2020 23:17

More than likely a scammer to be honest. You deserve far better than this twat.

Get finances sorted, kick him out and let him come crawling back when he realises his 'ideal' woman is a fake, then reject him.

PrincessNutNuts · 17/12/2020 23:20

If you're in the U.K., the WeChat is odd. I know nobody who uses it. I just asked 4 techy males and they don't either.

prawntoastie · 17/12/2020 23:21

I know we chat, the messages can be permanently delete so some people use it.
in my opinion, she wants a sugar daddy (if she is even real she could be a he living in Nigeria) and he is happy to be one.

its easy for everyone to say break up but this is what is best and you will find someone else. Your H is trash, let him be trash and someone elses issues.

ChristmasCookies · 17/12/2020 23:33

Have they met up?

justasking111 · 17/12/2020 23:36

So he thinks they should meet up, so they have never met?

Her picture is stunning - um is it her or someone building up to a scam.

I know a man who had his pockets emptied in a scam like this.

greenspacesoverthere · 17/12/2020 23:39

She's either after money or she is a he and is after money

What an unbelievable idiot your DH is Confused

JayDot500 · 17/12/2020 23:40

I think OP has uncovered a new way these bastard cheats can become adulterers in peace.

Blibbler · 17/12/2020 23:45

Does his work have any connection to China? I use WeChat because of my work and I had to get a colleague in China to verify my account before I could send messages. I mention this in case it's useful to help work out how your dp knows this person

SeaEagleFeather · 17/12/2020 23:47

It's strange for him to have WeChat because you have to be vouched for by an existing user, in order to be able to use it at all. If someone doesn't have someone to vouch for them, you won't get it working. I have it as my son's learning chinese, and a friend had to verify me.

If he's only got one contact, her, then probably she's either targetted him somehow from a distance (a mutual website?) or they've met face to face already and she got him to install it.

starfishmummy · 17/12/2020 23:51

he left his phone on the side earlier (which he never does)

Not only does he "never do it" bit left it there long enough for the OP to have a good root around.

He did it on purpose. He wants her to know.

StardewMelons · 17/12/2020 23:51

Sorry Op How awful for you.
Scam or not his intentions are there, makes no odds to me. Its very easy to give advice when it isn't you living it (eg leave and don't tell him). You sound quite composed... I would suggest keeping quiet for as long as you need, wether it be a week or a month, and check out of the relationship mentally in the meantime, and strike when you can survive financially... Easier said than done I know. If you confront him with proof he will bombard you with excuses and beg forgiveness (probably). Typical cheating idiot.

bellinique · 17/12/2020 23:54

I use WeChat and didn't need any vouching to set it up. It's a multi-function platform which covers pretty much every function you can think of in China - from messaging to ordering taxis or paying for food in restaurants.

Happy to answer any questions about the app op.

VenusTiger · 17/12/2020 23:55

How was he during pregnancy OP? What led you to being suspicious of him? Has he pestered you for sex recently? What's his motive, I'm trying to understand if it's a psychical affair he's after, or an emotional one. Has he been depressed recently?
Also, what are the responses when he suggests meeting up? Does "she" make it sound doable or does she change the subject?

Imo you shouldn't stew on this as it'll just hurt you more and you shouldn't have to go on pretending to hide your feelings. Can you photo the msgs or forward them to yourself and then tomorrow ask him to leave, tell him why and speak to someone IRL. You're still in shock and it's going to hurt - you need to let this out. Once you've moved on to anger at his disloyalty, you'll find it more bearable to talk it through with him. Good luck.

spongedog · 17/12/2020 23:58

If it is a scam then you need to make sure that your share of assets are protected. So copies of financial documents showing balances now are a good idea for many reasons. Can you put a stay on the house/liquid cash assets etc so that he cannot transfer large sums of money without your knowledge? I would also perhaps suggest a meeting with a solicitor to "record" your date of separation - you dont have to move out but it might support later court decisions if you can show he made significant financial changes after that date.

VenusTiger · 17/12/2020 23:58

@starfishmummy I disagree, he's obviously a smarmy twat who is making out he's got nothing to hide, hence no pin code, he's also gone to the trouble of hiding an unknown chat app inside a work folder and the recipient isn't even named.
He's hiding it in plain sight so as not to raise suspicion.

bellinique · 18/12/2020 00:00

I meant to say - you can send money to other people via wechat and it's easy to find random strangers to talk to so it's ripe for scammers.

Have you tried doing a reverse google image search of her photo to see whether anything comes up?

Sinful8 · 18/12/2020 00:08

@MrsLighthouse

He has you and a baby so this is a shi*ty thing to do. He will only be sorry because he got caught and you deserve better. I’d be inclined to message her and say “ l’m his wife and mother of his child . You’ve contributed to the breakdown of a marriage and a child growing up without his dad . Happy now ?”
Isn't that just admiting your planning on alienating your child from his father and handing him/them a big help in custody hearing?
Alternista · 18/12/2020 00:12

The WeChat thing is just using a lesser known messaging app for the affair so he can stash it away in a folder and turn notifications off, whilst leaving his normal messenger, WhatsApp etc running as usual. So he thinks if you quickly check his messages those are the apps you’d check; not go through his work stuff. That’s all.

WhenPushComesToShove · 18/12/2020 00:31

@TatianaBis "I sincerely hope he’s being catfished by a lorry driver." This really made me laugh 😂. I hope so too

user1471565182 · 18/12/2020 00:51

Wechat is jam packed full of scammers. If shes 'stunning' and after some older bloke with a kid..... What a moron.

user1471565182 · 18/12/2020 00:53

He'l have been cruising some other dating site most likely and the probable scammer will have asked him to go onto Wechat

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