Found secret messages on DH phone

[Connie667]

My DH has been acting odd for a while. Distant and always on his phone.

I've never done this before but when he left his phone on the side earlier (which he never does) I looked at it.

There was a messaging app which I've never seen before and I found messages between him and someone saved as "DB" without a profile picture.

The messages date back months. They've sent pictures to each other and he's been asking to meet up with her.

From what I can gather from the pictures she's sent him, she's at least 10 years younger than me (and him!) and also half my size. She's stunning, I can't deny that and he has told her so multiple times.

I haven't said anything to him yet. I have no idea what to do. It's obvious that he's checked out of our marriage and seems to be completely obsessed with this woman.

I think I'm in denial at the moment. Or shock. What am I meant to do now? We have a 1 year old son too.

Move all/half the money to your account.

What is the messaging app? This could give a clearer idea of how ‘real’ this woman is.
That in itself should not alter your decisions as his intent was there, but it would be good to know I think. Ie if it’s OnlyFans then probably a scam tbh

He's told her he she means everything to him and she has "saved" him. What the hell does that mean?

It means he would like to have sex please, as do all the other comments.

It's probably a scam and he's probably a moron. If you didn't have a kid I'd say just leave but you need to be more considered.

You can decide to stay and work it out- but it must be on your terms. If you leave you should plan that carefully as suggested.

is he rich? the only reason a woman who you describe could be interested, if not I bet he's paying her.

What a wanker. I sincerely hope the idiot has been catfished.

Where you go from here is entirely up to you and a decision for another time once your emotions have settled and you can think clearly. Definitely take a photo/s as evidence.

You've been put in a terrible position - you're on the back foot and feel powerless.

I know what I'd do in your shoes.

I'd wait till he was out, then pack my bags and take the baby elsewhere.

I wouldn't tell him a THING.

Once I was where I was going - then I'd wait for him to call. And I'd ignore the calls.

And he will call. He will know exactly why you've gone and he'll shit himself.

You will then have ALL the power. He'll beg...he may wake up and stop contacting this woman.

The other option is to confront him and he will deny, deny, deny....minimise and then blame it all on you.

Don't let him have that opportunity.

Thanks everyone. Some useful info, he's the main earner since I'm not working at the moment. I can't believe I'm even having to think about this.

The app is called wechat- he has no other contacts on there and there was no passcode to get in to it. It was hidden in a folder called "work stuff" though. I would never have noticed it if I wasn't looking for "something".

She seems to be a real person and not a scam, although I don't know what's worse!!! They seem to talk all the time, about normal things as well.

Get screenshots.

Get originals/copies of everything important in you life: bank account details, pension details, finances, passports, etc and get them out of the house and to a safe place.

Get legal advice.

Get tested for sexually transmitted diseases; this may not be the first time.
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Good luck.

So sorry op. How awful to read those things.

I agree with others suggesting you keep quiet for a bit and sort out finances etc before letting him know you know.

With pics and messages like that being sent there doesn’t seem like any chance of coming back from it.

How awful for you.

As far as I know, wechat is a Chinese version of Facebook ... does that make any sense ?

Not really Newbie :( it just looks like a messaging app, there must be more to it then.

Do you have any family members you could go stay with for a while with your baby? Just leave, don’t tell him anything. Make sure your bank, documents are in order first.
Please don’t put up with this, this probably isn’t the first time he’s done it and by the sounds of it will use the “it was a mistake, a one off.” Card. Trust me it’s never a one off.

Pack your bags, secure some cash...is there somewhere you can stay? Don't hang around to humiliate yourself...he WILL lie, he WILL minimise and he WILL blame you once he admits it all.

How strange that it's WeChat. WeChat is a Chinese messaging platform that isn't really used here at all. I find that curious given there are more popular apps - unless you're not in the uk?

WeChat allows for the exchanging of messages between users and supports free calls. The messaging functions include text and voice messaging, broadcast messaging, video calls and conference calls. Unlike other social platforms, WeChat can be used to message or call internationally both to and from China.

How odd. I have no idea. We're in England.

Yeah screen shot and then start sending him identical messages but from you. If she's said, 'Oh I can't live without you blah blah' send him exactly the same message.
It won't solve anything but it may be fun to just mess with his mind a bit - like he's messed with yours by being an ars^%T&hole!
Good luck

Does he work with people from other countries? Is she European looking or Asian?

Never heard of ''WeChat'', but it seems it is available on the App Store...Almost like a What's app.

Internet makes it too easy for men and women to have affairs and 'Hook ups' should they be so inclined.

I had heard of apps that look like a calculator for secret stuff.

Who would suspect a calculator? But it is out there.

apps.apple.com/gb/app/calculator-hide-photos-videos/id1165276801

He has you and a baby so this is a shi*ty thing to do. He will only be sorry because he got caught and you deserve better. I’d be inclined to message her and say “ l’m his wife and mother of his child . You’ve contributed to the breakdown of a marriage and a child growing up without his dad . Happy now ?”

Hi Op
Tell your husband to Do One Fuck Off..

Your husband is Arsehole

So sorry this is happening.
I was working in media when I graduated and the number of nice seeming men who do this as soon as their wife gets pregnant shocked me to the point I was single for several years. I was utterly appalled by the sheer volume of seemingly kind and good men who quite merrily went abouy publically humiliating and betraying their partners.

Wechat is a Chinese version of whats app.

I personally would not tell him anything but start carefully planning my exit

Start copying and gathering Financial documents etc.
I would also start skimming and hiding cash to build up a nest egg.
This will give you options and if he does the dirty financially you won't be completely screwed (I really wouldn't give a shit either way on the morality front on this as he fucked you over first so all bets are off.)

@MrsLighthouse

He has you and a baby so this is a shi*ty thing to do. He will only be sorry because he got caught and you deserve better. I’d be inclined to message her and say “ l’m his wife and mother of his child . You’ve contributed to the breakdown of a marriage and a child growing up without his dad . Happy now ?”

Sadly OW don't care. My DH's colleagues told me that the OW when confronted by them saying ''But he has a young child and wife'' replied:

'' All's fair in love and war...It happened to me, She'll get over it ''

They are so wrapped up in their own needs that they don't seem to give a toss.