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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to never see my friend the same way again?

286 replies

ChristmasIvy · 17/12/2020 17:46

Name changed for this as it could be outing.
A good friend of mine has just “given back” her new puppy after just 4 weeks. Her two kids (11 and 7) are totally devastated. She says she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it was bad for her mental health, so she knew it was better to just give him back. I am totally shocked and distraught for her poor children, who were told this was their early Christmas present. I just don’t understand why you’d give up so easily - what was she expecting from a young puppy?! I’m finding her weak at best and quite cruel and selfish at worst. DH says I probably don’t know the full story but AIBU to be struggling with how I feel about her now?!

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 17/12/2020 18:49

I’d judge more if she decided to get another further down the line!

Taylrse · 17/12/2020 18:49

At least the puppy can hopefully go to someone now who can provide it with the care it needs.

Hopefully your friend has realised puppies are not just play things. They need alot of time and attention if she ever decides to get a pet in the future.

Bonnieonthelam · 17/12/2020 18:51

@ChristmasIvy

Name changed for this as it could be outing. A good friend of mine has just “given back” her new puppy after just 4 weeks. Her two kids (11 and 7) are totally devastated. She says she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it was bad for her mental health, so she knew it was better to just give him back. I am totally shocked and distraught for her poor children, who were told this was their early Christmas present. I just don’t understand why you’d give up so easily - what was she expecting from a young puppy?! I’m finding her weak at best and quite cruel and selfish at worst. DH says I probably don’t know the full story but AIBU to be struggling with how I feel about her now?!
Oh poor you feeling so devastated. Did you even think about your friends mental health. She could have kept the puppy and given him up at a later stage when he was fully settled, that would have been devastating for the dog. she could have pushed herself into poorer mental health by keeping the pup. Ok her kids are upset, they will get over it. The two important elements are the pup and the woman. She made a mistake. Hopefully people will be more informed before bringing puppies/pets into their homes.
Fieldofyellowflowers · 17/12/2020 18:52

Best for the puppy. She should never have got it. People like her make me livid.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 17/12/2020 18:54

I wouldn't judge this tbh .......it's a shame more people can't admit having a pet isn't for them four weeks in. Instead of neglecting the poor things. Good on her for being honest.

Miranda15110 · 17/12/2020 18:56

Quite agree that it's better to give a pup up than to fail to meet its needs.

innercitysumo · 17/12/2020 18:59

Would you rather she had a breakdown, neglected the dog? Be more compassionate to your friend op ❤️

hopeishere · 17/12/2020 18:59

"Weak"??

She obviously totally underestimated how much work it would be. She has done the right thing.

VetiverAndLavender · 17/12/2020 19:00

She made a mistake, but the puppy will be fine, at that age. The children will be sad for a while (and if she's a loving parent, she'll be punished by their sadness, surely), but if she genuinely couldn't cope with the puppy, it was better to do something about it as soon as possible.

If she learns from this mistake, I'd just try to forget about it and focus on her good qualities. If, on the other hand, she starts talking about getting another puppy (or does something else of a similar nature), I'd be annoyed with her. Ultimately, it's not your business.

CancelledChristmas · 17/12/2020 19:02

I just don't understand why some people take on a dog if they haven't done their research. It's just stupidity.

Personally I think dogs are good for peoples MH .

cherrypie790 · 17/12/2020 19:06

Yanbu.

ArabellaScott · 17/12/2020 19:06

@Porridgeoat

All the research in the world wouldn’t prepare someone for a baby or a puppy
Yes. This.

What would you prefer, that she lets her mental health go completely to shit? How will that help her, the puppy, or her family?

Or that she rehomes the puppy with someone better equipped to look after it?

CarryOnFestiveNamechanging · 17/12/2020 19:06

Your friend has absolutely done the right thing. I doubt it was an easy decision. You should be more supportive.

BoomBoomsCousin · 17/12/2020 19:09

Your friend tells you she's on the brink of a nervous breakdown and you are concerned that her children are upset about losing the puppy they've only known for a few weeks?

Either she's incredibly self-centered and as soon as something a bit more than she likes comes along she gives up but you've never noticed before despite being "a good friend". Or she's been struggling and you're not much of a friend at all.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/12/2020 19:10

I think being distraught about it is a bit much. Best for the puppy. People don't realise how much work they can be. Would you rather she kept the puppy to please her children, who will very likely lose interest in about a month, and have her mental health plummet.
The puppy will go to a new home, and will forget all about them.

Emeraldeyes20 · 17/12/2020 19:10

And this is the reason many puppies end up in dog’s homes!! Probably bought on a whim and the novelty has worn off! I feel the same as you OP, completely irresponsible and cruel! If she had mental health problems she’s shouldn’t have taken in such a huge commitment!

CrazyToast · 17/12/2020 19:10

I knew someone who got a kitten for her kids, then 'gave it away' when she discovered it caused mess and the cat litter smelled. A while later she got two more kittens, moaned about the same things, then they mysteriously went elsewhere too. Was never sure where exactly they went. Those poor animals. And poor kids.

Peacocking · 17/12/2020 19:11

You can read and read about how much work a pet is, but until you experience it you've really no idea! The puppy is young enough to have seen the past few weeks as a great adventure and to find a new family easily. She's had a big surprise and made a sensible decision in a timely manner. A 9 month old puppy is massively harder than a teeny new one.

If she repeats this, then judge her. But not on a one off situation.

Megan2018 · 17/12/2020 19:17

I couldn’t be friends with someone like this. I knew someone who did something similar with kittens and I’ve not spoken to them since. Not the sort of person I want to be associated with. But probably the best thing to happen to the puppy.
People that think of animals as disposable boil my piss.

GiraffeGym · 17/12/2020 19:19

I know someone who has, over the course of around 5/6 years, bought 7 puppies/dogs and all of them have been rehomed or sent back to the breeder within about 2 months of getting the dog.
That I judge.

Suze1621 · 17/12/2020 19:20

The number of poorly spcialialised and reactive dogs currently in rescues is shocking. Your friend realised she had made a mistake and did the best thing for the pup in giving it up. Hopefully it is soon enough for it to gind a more appropriate forever home.

katy1213 · 17/12/2020 19:21

Clearly no concern for your struggling friend - but enjoy being a drama queen!

FlyingByTheSeatof · 17/12/2020 19:22

Its none of your business OP and you sound like a really judgemental unsupportive friend.

That's all I'm reading into this really

HeadNorth · 17/12/2020 19:23

YANBU - it would definitely change my view of a friend who did this. Like my friend who had an affair - I didn't drop them or bad mouth them, but they went way way down in my estimation and I could never feel the same way about them. I gently let the friendship slide so we are now on acquaintance terms and will pass the time of day if we meet socially but I no longer want to hang out with them. Casual disregard of animals is not a trait I want in my friends.

airbags · 17/12/2020 19:25

YABU - it's better to do it now rather than later. Buying a pet for Christmas is also completely unreasonable and I'd say it probably didn't come from a reputable breeder.