AIBU to never see my friend the same way again?

[ChristmasIvy]

Name changed for this as it could be outing.
A good friend of mine has just “given back” her new puppy after just 4 weeks. Her two kids (11 and 7) are totally devastated. She says she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it was bad for her mental health, so she knew it was better to just give him back. I am totally shocked and distraught for her poor children, who were told this was their early Christmas present. I just don’t understand why you’d give up so easily - what was she expecting from a young puppy?! I’m finding her weak at best and quite cruel and selfish at worst. DH says I probably don’t know the full story but AIBU to be struggling with how I feel about her now?!

Puppies are really hard work. I think it was 3 months after I got mine I considered rehoming my dog because I thought I was rubbish at it - the training is continuous, cleaning is so much more and the walking. That's without the fear of them running off which will happen at some point. The only reason why I didn't is because he made me feel so good when he wasn't naughty.

It's a commitment that requires a complete lifestyle overhaul. I wouldn't blame anyone for making the mistake once and it's not a failure to admit you can't cope.

While it must be devestating for the DC they would be more devestated if they lost their mum. Surely better to give pup back than mum end up with a mental breakdown. I had one and was in hospital for 3 years. So important to take care of your mental health.

She didn't give birth to the dog and has zero obligations towards it.

🙄

At first she thought she would enjoy looking after it and playing with it, but then it got too much. So she just gave it back.

It got too much....it was 4 bloody weeks.

I agree with you about the term ‘nervous breakdown’ being overused. It’s insulting to those of us who genuinely have MH issues.

I agree with this - “bad for my mental health” so often seems to be synonymous with “I don’t want to do that”, which I think trivialises genuine mental illness. But I digress. Woman gets puppy. She underestimates the impact of said puppy - and sends it to another home. Not ideal, I agree...but at least it’s gone to someone who wants it and will care for it. Better all round for her to admit her mistake sooner rather than later, surely?

I know a few people who should have done this. A puppy is a long term commitment for the next 10-15 years and a lot of hard work. Once you get through the initial stages it is of course much more rewarding, but your life is still very much aligned to the needs of the dog....going out, going away etc. Better to realise now than later.

We got a kitten in lockdown who repeatedly tried in her own shit and tracked it around the house. I was so stressed that I’d have happily regimes her. DH insisted that she would grow out of it but it was stressful and unbearable.
Your friend is probably just realistic about her limits and doesn’t need you judging her.

Trod re-homed

I agree with you op. Yes, it’s best for the puppy, but why couldn’t she have thought about this or researched before buying the puppy. It’s like people who are surprised it’s hard work having a baby. Of course. Ask for support when things are hard, of course let off steam if you need to, of course you don’t have to love the hard bits, but how can you be surprised? How did you go through life not realising puppies and babies are hard work? ‘A dog is for life, not for Christmas’ is SUCH a cliche and yet she thought it didn’t apply to her?Do people think everyone else was lying? Did they think they were exceptional? Did they think at all prior to taking a decision that affects other lives?

Your friend is probably just realistic about her limits and doesn’t need you judging her.

Shame she only got realistic AFTER getting the puppy.

Better to realise now than later.

Best to do your research and realise before.

@Lady1576

I agree with you op. Yes, it’s best for the puppy, but why couldn’t she have thought about this or researched before buying the puppy. It’s like people who are surprised it’s hard work having a baby. Of course. Ask for support when things are hard, of course let off steam if you need to, of course you don’t have to love the hard bits, but how can you be surprised? How did you go through life not realising puppies and babies are hard work? ‘A dog is for life, not for Christmas’ is SUCH a cliche and yet she thought it didn’t apply to her?Do people think everyone else was lying? Did they think they were exceptional? Did they think at all prior to taking a decision that affects other lives?

So you've never made a mistake and bitten off more than you can chew?

No one’s perfect we all make mistakes like maybe having a bad tattoo!

So you've never made a mistake and bitten off more than you can chew?

But puppies calm down. It gets easier. And when it’s living creature and there’s children involved you really do have to try harder. We’ve had a few puppies, accounts I read online of people’s experiences are very accurate of how life with a puppy is so if you do your research you can have a pretty good idea what it’s like.

She doesn't owe the dog anything.

That depends on your morals I guess. Glad to have mine and not yours.

Good on her, the puppies well being outweighs her kids wants

Agree best for the puppy but I’d feel the same as you.

I think you've acted very weirdly and in such a judgemental way! Your friend was looking after the puppy, not you! So she only knows how it was affecting her mentally. It's not easy looking after an animal, and then young children too. Her kids will get over it, it's not the end of the world just because they were told it's a early Christmas present, they'll get plenty of other presents.

They're needy, noisy, all in your space, biting and hurting, destroying, pissing and shitting everywhere.

Easily found information with a google search. Or talking to anyone who has ever had a puppy. Do people really think they’ll get that one puppy who is independent, quiet, does as it’s told, doesn’t bite or chew and comes fully toilet trained?

I think you’re being judgmental. You’ve no idea what her mental health was like and having a puppy no doubt added to the stress. I’m sure she wouldn’t have got it had she realised how difficult it was.

I agree it’s sad for the kids but I feel sorry for the mum and it’s best that her MH is in order.

Save the judging for those that are intentionally cruel and instead of getting the re-homed, the throw them in the river in a bag attached to a brick. They’re the ones you should be angry at, not someone that took a puppy back.

It’s best for the puppy that she took it back too!

I'd feel exactly the same as you, op.

It really pisses me off when people pass animals around like objects.

This

Well, this is ridiculous. If you came on here asking 'wibu to give my DC's puppy back after 4 weeks' you'd get fucking flamed.

@borntohula

Well, this is ridiculous. If you came on here asking 'wibu to give my DC's puppy back after 4 weeks' you'd get fucking flamed.

If they then proceeded to say that they felt they’d MH was nose diving and they are struggling to cope...... pretty sure most people would suggest it’s the best option for puppy and ‘owner’