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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to never see my friend the same way again?

286 replies

ChristmasIvy · 17/12/2020 17:46

Name changed for this as it could be outing.
A good friend of mine has just “given back” her new puppy after just 4 weeks. Her two kids (11 and 7) are totally devastated. She says she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it was bad for her mental health, so she knew it was better to just give him back. I am totally shocked and distraught for her poor children, who were told this was their early Christmas present. I just don’t understand why you’d give up so easily - what was she expecting from a young puppy?! I’m finding her weak at best and quite cruel and selfish at worst. DH says I probably don’t know the full story but AIBU to be struggling with how I feel about her now?!

OP posts:
OldAndWornOut · 17/12/2020 18:15

Surely if you're going to take on an animal you would research for months beforehand?

Fancy finding out a puppy behaving like a puppy can affect your mental health after the event.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 17/12/2020 18:17

The fact the poor dpuppy was intended as a gift should have riled you anyway...

Ideasplease322 · 17/12/2020 18:20

My friend did this with a kitten - she was surprised it cried at Night🙄.

I would never dream of giving up on a pet, but not everyone is the same.

I can imagine how distressing this is for the children. But if she really couldn’t cope with the puppy it’s probably for the best

cushioncovers · 17/12/2020 18:23

I gave a puppy back after 4 days. I was suffering from depression badly and thought it would help with my recovery, give me a reason to get up, give me focus, etc. It was an absolute disaster I spiralled even further down into a state of anxiety and couldn't do a thing. I gave the puppy back to the breeder who rehomed her the following day as she had another family who had wanted one of the pups.

I was devastated that I couldn't cope. My kids were so upset and I felt such a lot of guilt for months afterwards. That was 8 years ago and it was the right decision but it felt horrible at the time.

Don't judge your friend

Sunmoonstars77 · 17/12/2020 18:25

She should have thought it through and done more research before taking the puppy on. They are so much hard work but so worth it. My little dog is now coming up to 2 and drove me mad as a little pup, the chewing and toilet training is hard work. However she is so loveable and they get easier as they get older. I agree with previous posters that it's better she realised this early on rather than later. It's unfortunate for the kids though

LuckyNumberThirteen · 17/12/2020 18:28

A woman I worked with did this more than once with various different animals. I couldn't bring myself to have anything to do with her in the end.

Lucy, if you're reading this, you're a massive prick.

LST · 17/12/2020 18:31

You are being massively unreasonable. Better she did it now when it was still young and impressionable than months down the line where it got into bad traits.

MrMeSeeks · 17/12/2020 18:33

Yanbu. Animals are not things! I would never just give an animal back ( and they have been extremely hard work)
We don’t care enough about animals

Thehollyandtheirony · 17/12/2020 18:33

Yanbu

Iootraw1 · 17/12/2020 18:37

Bad for her not thinking it through and researching more carefully in the first place. Good for her giving puppy back - best for puppy.
Kids aren’t the ones who will be raising that pup.
Dogs aren’t just for Christmas.
She did right thing by the dog in the end and that’s what counts.

BloggersBlog · 17/12/2020 18:37

Pity she didnt look into it more before taking the poor puppy on! Stupid woman

Porridgeoat · 17/12/2020 18:38

Your friend sounds mature and thoughtful. It’s positive she can admit she has bitten off more then she can chew. Good to prioritise good mental health. Better return the dog as a puppy who would be easy to rehome. Yes sad for the kids but I suspect they won’t be contributing to day to day looking after the puppy.

Squiffany · 17/12/2020 18:39

YABU and overly dramatic OP.

Sally872 · 17/12/2020 18:39

My friend would never disappoint her children like that unless she really had to. I would not judge.

Ellieboolou33 · 17/12/2020 18:39

@CallistoSol

Undoubtedly best for the puppy, no matter how you or her children feel.
Agree But.... Also remember my dad rescued a puppy from the skip, he had been dumped in a bin bag and was half starved. My mum let us have him then after 3 months re homed him as he kept peeing. My mum was the most gentlest souls who was an animal lover, she'd even save worms from the pavements. However that time in her life was very difficult (abusive husband), and felt the pup needed full time one to one.

Don't judge too harshly, especially if she's otherwise a good person.

Porridgeoat · 17/12/2020 18:40

All the research in the world wouldn’t prepare someone for a baby or a puppy

greeneyedlulu · 17/12/2020 18:41

I do feel sorry for the kids but it's always the parents who end up looking after the puppy and people just dont realise what a huge responsibility having a dog is (the exact reason I dont want one) I think shes done the right thing to be honest.

aSofaNearYou · 17/12/2020 18:43

Well it's up to you but I think it's a pretty harsh reaction.

dairyswim · 17/12/2020 18:44

You are being hugely unreasonable. You think it's better for a woman to have a nervous breakdown than for a puppy to be rehomed?

DartmoorDoughnut · 17/12/2020 18:44

I mean I think she’s a twat BUT on the plus side she bought from a reputable breeder I guess as they took the pup back?!

OldAndWornOut · 17/12/2020 18:45

Based on the research I've done, (which is none at all) I won't be getting a puppy.
They're bloody hard work and take a lot of training, as do the family they go to.

PodgeBod · 17/12/2020 18:45

I think you're being too harsh. Better to do this while the puppy is still very young and will hopefully find a fantastic home then waiting a year when sadly less people will want it.

If her mental health is bad maybe she was getting frustrated with the puppy and was worried she might hurt it? I feel sorry for everyone in this situation. Especially if she doesn't have form for this sort of thing.

devildeepbluesea · 17/12/2020 18:47

I absolutely would judge her too OP, but I agree with PP that's it's probably best for the poor pup.

Louloulouloubells · 17/12/2020 18:47

Puppy will be fine, not a great move but sounds the best for the pup.

Have you actually checked to see if your friend who is on the verge of a nervous breakdown is okay? Judgemental or what.

spongedog · 17/12/2020 18:47

I now have a second Siamese rescue (so cat, not dog). The first was lovely, not perfect by any means, but we sadly lost him too young. Because I am known to the specialist rescues I was offered a young cat fairly quickly. This one has driven me to total distraction, particularly over lockdown when I was working from home. He is an indoor cat, and our attempts to get him to be safely outside have failed. He drives me up the wall - many times I have been tempted to call the rescue and say it isnt working for me. He is incredibly needy (due to his early few months). I work part-time but dont want to be shouted at (caterwailed?) for hours when I get home from work. It's a very difficult decision.

Personally I would work at it longer than 4 weeks. I dont know if she is brave to make that decision - you know your friend better than us - but perhaps it is best for the little dog. I am sure there are many decent would be dog owners who would love the pup. I just hope she doesnt sell it - that was a recent kick off on a local facebook group. Perhaps be supportive this time. As others have said not a second time.