Is it reasonable to expect a Christmas dinner?

[BuckleBuckaroo]

Is it reasonable to invite yourself over for christmas, not telling the person what day you intend to visit until a week before the day (will be the 23rd) and then expect more than a cup of tea, mincepies, biscuits, crisps and dip - basically expecting a christmas roast dinner (most likely 3 course). And feel put out and say you are been made to feel unwelcome if you dont get it?

You obviously don’t get on with them OP. If they’re generally unpleasant to you then I don’t see why you should be hospitable. If it’s just a personality clash then I think you’re being unreasonable.

I would be developing a cough and fever on the 20th

Why is everyone giving OP a hard time. It’s her HUSBANDS family. I’m sure he can cook and host if he hasn’t seen them for so long. Utterly ridiculous that yet again it’s the wife’s job.

Utterly ridiculous that yet again it’s the wife’s job

She's a SAHM. It literally is her job

So if the ILs visit the husband has to provide food, and if the OPs parents visit only the OP can feed them?

What about division of labour? Maybe the husband does most of the cleaning or washing up? I don't understand why only the offspring of the parents should be the ones doing all the work.

I loved my MIL. I made her favourite foods for her. We used to stay with her far more often than she stayed with us so I was happy to cook for her when she came to visit. I am a better cook than DH, so he does the washing up and loads the dishwasher.

@MrsMiaWallis I believe SAHM job is looking after the children, not whipping up a 3 course meal for the in laws whenever they fancy inviting themselves over.

It's Mil and Fil

Why am I not surprised?

I say tell your DH that his rude parents can eat what he cooks them.

YABU and very tightfisted to suggest only tea and biscuits.

They ABVU to counter that with expectation of a full roast and silent treatment.

The balanced approach is a casual lunch with a few festive treats thrown in. But clearly neither party is capable of conducting themselves with dignity.

@MrsMiaWallis

Utterly ridiculous that yet again it’s the wife’s job

She's a SAHM. It literally is her job

No.

Just....no.

@Ginfordinner

I loved my MIL. I made her favourite foods for her. We used to stay with her far more often than she stayed with us so I was happy to cook for her when she came to visit. I am a better cook than DH, so he does the washing up and loads the dishwasher.

And that’s wonderful that that works for you.

But don’t put your preferences into other peoples relationships

What bloody use is it to the OP for people to be wittering on about the fancy meals they'd hypothetically cook for their own in laws.

It's rude to invite yourself over for extra Christmas dinners
People become SAHPs for childcare reasons, not to be skivvys for the extended family
Having a penis doesn't prevent you from speaking to your own parents or cooking

Tell them you’ve got to self isolate and cant have visitors.

If they were arriving lunchtime then I would cook them a hot meal but it certainly wouldn't be a full Christmas dinner.

This is bizarre! So cheeky!!!!

@SnuggyBuggy

What bloody use is it to the OP for people to be wittering on about the fancy meals they'd hypothetically cook for their own in laws.

It's rude to invite yourself over for extra Christmas dinners
People become SAHPs for childcare reasons, not to be skivvys for the extended family
Having a penis doesn't prevent you from speaking to your own parents or cooking

Sums it up.

Let your dh deal with it. If he wants to cook a full Christmas roast for them on the 23rd then eat another two days later, that’s up to him. Crack on. You’re not obliged to provide it for them on demand.

I’d get a chicken pie from Tesco’s, oven chips and a microwave bag of veg. Minimal cooking and it’s a ‘proper’ lunch.

@Circumlocutious

YABU and very tightfisted to suggest only tea and biscuits.

They ABVU to counter that with expectation of a full roast and silent treatment.

The balanced approach is a casual lunch with a few festive treats thrown in. But clearly neither party is capable of conducting themselves with dignity.

This

I'm not sure why people have these CF ers in their lives!

OP unless there's previous form for this you do seem to be making assumptions about how they'll behave/what they will expect?

I bet a large proportion of visiting happens when people effectively invite themselves "We though we'd pop round on such-a-day, we've never got to see your new bathroom yet, will you be around? " sort of thing, and you either say "great, lovely to see you, why don't I make lunch?" or "we're out that day, but what about...".

Have they said they expect a turkey lunch specifically?

For heaven's sake, how hard is it to whack a chicken in the oven, frozen veg, frozen roasties, aunt Bessie's etc.

Anyone visiting over Xmas in my house gets a proper meal. That's courtesy. And I get a meal when visiting others.

Only on MN would people shove a packet of mince pies and a mug of tea in front of guests at this time of the year.

I knew you were talking about your in laws even before you mentioned it. I bet your own DParents would be treated differently.

No wonder so many people have dysfunctional relationships with their families judging by some of the responses on here.

It's like you go out your way to be permanently offended and obtuse. If my DH treated my mum like some of you speak about your in laws, I wouldn't be with him.

Refusing to cook a meal for your own DH's parents is just rude.

I'm no fan of reverses but if someone posted a scenario where they had obviously invited themselves to someones house on the 23rd and were complaining about the food the responses would be very different.

@TidyOmlette

Why is everyone giving OP a hard time. It’s her HUSBANDS family. I’m sure he can cook and host if he hasn’t seen them for so long. Utterly ridiculous that yet again it’s the wife’s job.

If she'd said "so I've told DH he's cooking" I don't think anyone would disagree. It's the glee in thinking up ways use can offends her MIL that is perhaps reducing peoples empathy

I was on my phone earlier, but will try and make a better job of my thought process now. Why do some mumsnetters think that anything to do with the husband's family is the sole responsibility of the husband? They are family, not total strangers.

As the OP hasn't come back to update we don't actually know the background or what was said, but if anyone was driving far enough to visit us that they required a midday meal, regardless of whether they were DH's family, just DH's friends or even my friends or family, we would both make sure that we could offer more than a mince pie and a cup of tea.

The offer of biscuits, mince pies and tea at lunchtime does come across as a bit passive aggressive TBH. I wouldn't go as far as a roast dinner, but it would more likely be a nice home made soup and some nice fresh bread. If the husband is supposed to be working on the day they are coming I don't think it is unreasonable for him to ask if his wife could provide some food. And if he isn't working then he can either cook, help cook, do childcare or whatever is required. After all they are a partnership.