Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Original poster

Is it reasonable to expect a Christmas dinner?

307 replies

BuckleBuckaroo · 17/12/2020 13:20

Is it reasonable to invite yourself over for christmas, not telling the person what day you intend to visit until a week before the day (will be the 23rd) and then expect more than a cup of tea, mincepies, biscuits, crisps and dip - basically expecting a christmas roast dinner (most likely 3 course). And feel put out and say you are been made to feel unwelcome if you dont get it?

OP posts:

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 19/12/2020 08:40

When did people get so mean, and hard, and inhospitable?

AlwaysLatte · 19/12/2020 09:00

Cheerfully say that it would be lovely to see them and would they like to join you for lunch which is the kids making pizzas that day? Then you can suggest they join in and go and have a glass of something while they enjoy bonding.

AlwaysLatte · 19/12/2020 09:04

It is cheeky to invite yourself at lunchtime though! If I'm making a suggestion to visit I try to avoid mealtimes and if that's not possible/too far I might suggest taking them out for lunch (not now obviously) or bringing food. It's up to the host to say 'come for lunch'. I wouldn't do a roast near Christmas Day anyway. We usually have my SIL and family over on Boxing Day (not this year) and I usually do something totally different like boeuf bourgignon or lamb curry, which I cook 2-3 days before.

AlwaysLatte · 19/12/2020 09:05

We said tea, mince pies and biscuits will be served. And they said surely its going to be a roast dinner and now giving us the silent treatment.
Are they actually adults??

AlwaysLatte · 19/12/2020 09:08

Quite easy and you’ve had several days notice, so perhaps time to get on with your life and time to stop being angstful! 🎄
Love the cute little Christmas tree at the end of a bitchy post 😂

THEDEACON · 19/12/2020 09:14

They'd not be coming here for an indoor visit nevermind a meal

Circumlocutious · 19/12/2020 09:16

OP still hasn’t said what she’ll be having for lunch that day, and if she just plans to go hungry and spite herself.

chocolatepowder · 19/12/2020 09:22

Ummm controversially it doesn't need to be a Christmas lunch with crackers but this is your husbands parents. Surely you will serve something more substantial than ripping open the box of aldi mince pies. Be a gracious host or tell them they are not welcome at all. Don't sit on the fence.

LetItGoHome · 19/12/2020 09:30

Sounds more like an issue with not actually liking your husband or inlaws very much rather than the cooking. Surely you will be eating lunch of some description on 23rd?
I love my in-laws so would want them to eat and enjoy their company, the same as I would my own parents.
So their is obviously a problem with the relationships which need addressing, not the food.
For what it's worth I'd do one of those cook in the bag rotisserie style whole chickens served with it jacket potato and salad. So it can be had buffet style.

InTheDrunkTank · 19/12/2020 09:34

This must be all about the back story. In most families I think it would be normal to try and see each other over Christmas and it would be fine for the in laws to suggest a date they would come over. Both my parents and in laws did this this year. It would also be normal to cater to visitors with a proper meal (this close to Christmas I'd probably go for some nice deli type food as a cold buffet). So on the face of it it odes seem stingy to begrudge the in laws a visit and to only offer them snacks.

That said no normal person would demand a three course roast at any time of the year let alone so close to Christmas so perhaps the in laws are just annoying, demanding people and that's why OP's so adverse to catering for them.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 19/12/2020 09:37

Surely cooking a proper dinner on the 23rd is going to take the shine off op making her actual Xmas lunch? Who wants to make 2 roasts in 2 days? And eat them!! I agree order kfc to be delivered. Lashings of lovely gravy there!

Not envy.

Scottishskifun · 19/12/2020 09:49

Nope not a chance in hell!

I would probably (if feeling nice) get some charcuterie things, nice bread, olives and cheeses. That way no need to cook and husband can put it out for his rude parents!

Partayyyyy · 19/12/2020 10:54

Give them directions to the local kebab shop and tell them to get you somthing whole they are there

MotherExtraordinaire · 19/12/2020 11:06

I do think that yabu with this whole titfortat about oh not doing the cooking when it's quite obviously your domain in your chosen setup!

You quite obviously have an issue with pil.

They're guests coming to your home and I do think it is year you should especially be making a tad more of an effort. Not necessarily a full roast, but it's not that difficult to organise a simple veg or salad with meat. Could even be cold meat ahead of Christmas eve dinner?

Ginfordinner · 19/12/2020 11:16

I do think that yabu with this whole titfortat about oh not doing the cooking when it's quite obviously your domain in your chosen setup!

This ^^ exactly.

I do most of the cooking in our house because I enjoy it, but then DH does most of the washing up, and we split the cleaning between us. so the default option is that I cook, whether it is just the three of us or whether we have guests regardless of who they are - friends, my family, his family.

It's no wonder there are so many DIL/MIL issues when both parties view each other as the enemy.

However, I still think they were rude to demand a Christmas dinner.

Chailatte20 · 19/12/2020 11:39

I'd do a lunch spread so crusty bread, meats, cheeses, olives, meat or veg pie, salads then mince pies, Christmas cake slices and tea & coffee at the end. So se eldnts of Christmas without the whole shebang. All of this can be bought from any supermarket, Aldi do a really nice Christmas buffet selection.

I think the issue is that you don't like your in laws, you choice I don't like mine either so own it.

LovePoppy · 19/12/2020 12:35

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

When did people get so mean, and hard, and inhospitable?

Around the same time people became entitled and inviting themselves over and dictating menus?

LovePoppy · 19/12/2020 12:39

@Circumlocutious

OP still hasn’t said what she’ll be having for lunch that day, and if she just plans to go hungry and spite herself.

I would be eating leftovers from the night before. Am I the only one who doesn’t put on a spread for lunch?

MotherExtraordinaire · 19/12/2020 14:24

@LovePoppy
I would be eating leftovers from the night before.
Am I the only one who doesn’t put on a spread for lunch?
Surely that's if only you and your family on normal occasions. Not during the festive period when you have guests? Who presumably you've had limited contact with this year?

InTheDrunkTank · 19/12/2020 14:26

@MotherExtraordinaire

She was replying to people who said 'you'll be eating lunch anyway so just give the in laws what you would have had anyway, it's no extra bother'.

I'm the same if I don't have guests I'll probably just get loads of leftovers from the fridge and top up with boring cheddar and crackers, and a bit of fruit but wouldn't do that if guests were coming.

sueelleker · 19/12/2020 16:27

[quote MotherExtraordinaire]@LovePoppy
I would be eating leftovers from the night before.
Am I the only one who doesn’t put on a spread for lunch?
Surely that's if only you and your family on normal occasions. Not during the festive period when you have guests? Who presumably you've had limited contact with this year?[/quote]
I wouldn't consider them guests unless i invited them; they seem to have invited themselves.

Circumlocutious · 19/12/2020 16:33

@sueelleker

I don’t understand why they (DH) can’t just say ‘sorry that day and time won’t work for us’, instead of saying ‘fine, but you’ll be having tea and mince pies for lunch’. Very passive aggressive.

woodhill · 19/12/2020 16:34

Sounds like no one will be going anywhere for Christmas so maybe this is the case with you OP?

NotOfThisWorld · 19/12/2020 16:36

@sueelleker To be fair isn't it normal for parents to invite themselves? My mum often sends me a text 'haven't seen the kids in a while can I come up for the day on XXX' if we're not free that day we'll find a different date that works. When she comes round I'll certainly make sure I have something for lunch and some nice biscuits. DH's inlaws live further away so need to stay over but basically it works the same way.

Neither of them would insist on coming on a certain date if it wasn't convenient though and certainly wouldn't make demands about exactly what we cooked them.

LovePoppy · 19/12/2020 16:48

[quote NotOfThisWorld]@sueelleker To be fair isn't it normal for parents to invite themselves? My mum often sends me a text 'haven't seen the kids in a while can I come up for the day on XXX' if we're not free that day we'll find a different date that works. When she comes round I'll certainly make sure I have something for lunch and some nice biscuits. DH's inlaws live further away so need to stay over but basically it works the same way.

Neither of them would insist on coming on a certain date if it wasn't convenient though and certainly wouldn't make demands about exactly what we cooked them.[/quote]
“Can I come up” is very different than “we will be there on the 23rd around lunch” though.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13