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Original poster

Is it reasonable to expect a Christmas dinner?

307 replies

BuckleBuckaroo · 17/12/2020 13:20

Is it reasonable to invite yourself over for christmas, not telling the person what day you intend to visit until a week before the day (will be the 23rd) and then expect more than a cup of tea, mincepies, biscuits, crisps and dip - basically expecting a christmas roast dinner (most likely 3 course). And feel put out and say you are been made to feel unwelcome if you dont get it?

OP posts:
FinallyFluid · 17/12/2020 13:37

I wish you had done a poll, I am sure it would be unanimous.

Mintyt · 17/12/2020 13:38

CF. But how far are they travelling to you, and how long time wise are they planning to stay.

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/12/2020 13:40

If people I liked and didn’t see very often were coming for lunch then I’d prepare a really nice lunch, and perhaps make it a bit festive considering it’s Christmastime.

You appear not to like whoever these guests are, so just ask them not to visit in the first place. I think offering nothing but mince pies and nibbles for lunchtime visitors isn’t particularly welcoming so why bother in the first place.

Tana433 · 17/12/2020 13:43

My parents are visiting us on the 23rd and i am doing baguettes with a meat and cheese selection and then mince pies for afters and they are thrilled with this. They wouldnt have been expecting more than a cup of tea and cake/biscuits. I think your visitors are being very cheeky OP.

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/12/2020 13:46

So they’re your husband’s parents. Surely he can cook? Or if you’d both prefer them not to visit then just say so.

purplecorkheart · 17/12/2020 13:46

Just curious is this person a family member or friend? If it was my parents I might at a push stretch to a casserole or something like that. Other than that it would be like you with maybe a few sandwiches.

tuttifuckinfruity · 17/12/2020 13:49

Of course asking for a Christmas dinner on 23rd is ridiculous. But if they are coming for lunch, you make them lunch surely?

How far are they travelling?

DailyPotion · 17/12/2020 13:49

I wouldn't do a roast, but it would do a "spread", cheese, pate etc, maybe soup.

If they've invited themselves and the time isn't convenient say so, but I find a useful test for in laws is how you'd react to the same thing from your own parents. I.e. if my parents said could they pop round lunchtime on 23rd (in normal times) I'd be pleased to see them and immediately thinking about what to offer them to make it nice. For ILs I wouldn't be so enthusiastic but that's not really their fault.

heydoggie · 17/12/2020 13:50

My dad's birthday is before Christmas and we're doing a family lunch: not a Christmas one but basically something like a lasagne, some nice bits, a fancy dessert (and probably birthday cake) and mince pies and tea after. If my in-laws were coming on the 23rd and it was the only time I was going to see them after dinner, I/we would cook them dinner / the food equivalent of a Sunday lunch though not an actual roast like a Christmas dinner but probably something with at least two courses and nice treats.

There's probably a back story but travelling to come over for the one meet-up over the Christmas period with close family and staying a number of hours, I would expect more than mince pies.

ifonly4 · 17/12/2020 13:50

I think whoever it is, they should have spoken to you properly about Xmas arrangements given you either need to be in a three household bubble or may have chosen not to mix this Xmas. Plus whether, they've invited themselves or you've invited them, they'll have to have what you had planned or would like to do, even if it was Xmas Day.

Sherin1 · 17/12/2020 13:51

It’s definitely unreasonable

hulahooper2 · 17/12/2020 13:52

I would offer them a meal , but not a full Christmas dinner , as looks like their only Christmas outing

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/12/2020 13:53

If they’re giving you the silent treatment, which is pathetic, I’d assume they weren’t coming.

DH should say as much. “As you’re not answering our messages, we’re sure you’re no longer inviting yourself over. When you’ve grown up a bit let’s see about getting together next year”.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/12/2020 13:54

@hulahooper2

I would offer them a meal , but not a full Christmas dinner , as looks like their only Christmas outing
Because they’re so rude no one else will agree to host them? Some people reap what they sow.
caffeinebuzz · 17/12/2020 13:54

If you had invited them for lunchtime it would be reasonable for them to expect a proper meal (not full Christmas roast!). But since they have invited themselves YANB in any way U.

HeeeeyDuggee · 17/12/2020 13:55

Did they misunderstand and think this was your Christmas with them? We always celebrated with my parents on the 23rd or 24th and I’d do Xmas lunch because that was our Christmas together (as we spend actual Christmas with In laws usually)

IMNOTSHOUTING · 17/12/2020 13:55

Who the hell even wants a three course roast dinner on the 23rd?! Even if I'd be invited for lunch by the host months in advance I wouldn't expect anything more than a couple of sandwiches or cold nibbles.

FourTeaFallOut · 17/12/2020 13:55

Will they be coming on the 25th or is this their equivalent of 'Christmas day' with you? I think I'd put something on a bit more substantial than a mince pie if that's the case.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 17/12/2020 13:58

We need more details.

If you’ve all agreed that you will be meeting up for “a substitute Christmas Day”, and it happens to be on 23rd, then I can see why they would expect a meal.

If they are just visiting over the festive period for an afternoon, then I don’t know why they’d expect a Xmas dinner.

houseinthesnow · 17/12/2020 13:58

I would make this ENTIRELY dh's problem.

You are not the only one with two arms, he needs to organise with his parents what he intends to cook them. You can be in charge of wine.

I would not get involved. Let him sort it out, and he can organise and cook whatever it is. It is not for you to abide by their old fashioned date viewed of a 1950s housewife perceptions. It is on dh to assert himself and make himself to his own parents.

I would distance myself from the whole thing.

MaryLeeOnHigh · 17/12/2020 14:07

They have not said how long they intend to stay. Just they will arrive at lunchtime

Why is it up to them to decide? Can't you just say something like "Sorry, lunchtime's not convenient, we'd love to see you between 3 and 6 as we have other plans for the evening as well?"

AtleastitsnotMonday · 17/12/2020 14:08

Go to Aldi. Buy a couple of their Christmas dinner sandwiches, a bag of pigs in blankets crisps. A bag of satsumas and a box of mince pies, 2 cans of coke. Set up picnic for them in the garden, put a piece of tinsel round table. Wave every half hour out the window.

Crinkle77 · 17/12/2020 14:09

They are being unreasonable to expect a roast but yabu just to give them biscuits and mince pies. You could offer them something a bit more substantial.

Chloemol · 17/12/2020 14:10

I would do either a lasagne, or sandwiches or cold meat and jacket potatoes, it’s lunchtime. I don’t think biscuits and mince pies would be enough

SnuggyBuggy · 17/12/2020 14:10

If they're your DPs parents then let him take the lead in dealing with them.