Is it reasonable to expect a Christmas dinner?

[BuckleBuckaroo]

Is it reasonable to invite yourself over for christmas, not telling the person what day you intend to visit until a week before the day (will be the 23rd) and then expect more than a cup of tea, mincepies, biscuits, crisps and dip - basically expecting a christmas roast dinner (most likely 3 course). And feel put out and say you are been made to feel unwelcome if you dont get it?

I wouldn't make a full roast but would cook a hot meal for visitors esp parents in law.
At the minimum soup and crusty bread and pudding

@SleepingStandingUp
but calling to ask if you can visit isn't inviting yourself round
Because you've actually asked

From what the OP has explained and what I understand "inviting themselves" is they haven't actually asked to come round
They told OP they will be

If I hadn’t seen them for a while, I’d probably cook something special, or lay on a small buffet.
But would not do a roast - as it’s only 2 days from having Xmas dinner.
Lasagne garlic bread, and salad
Home made soup with ‘naice’ bread. Followed by some special sandwiches
Baked Camembert with cranberry sauce, and crusty bread.
A casserole
And a bought special dessert like a roulade.

However for fussy eaters it can be difficult and actually a roast can be simple and quicker. I enjoy making guests feel welcome and love the opportunity to celebrate at this time of year.

But it’s sounds like there is a bit of a back story here, and you don’t seem to like them much. Maybe DH can sort there meal out?

*their

Thinking about it I wouldn't have told them what was on offer. If people are coming at lunchtime I'd just do lunch. I sort of get a feeling that making a point of telling them it's mince pies and bscuits indicates you wanted them to know they weren't welcome. I suppose everyone does things differently but if I was visiting my son, 3 hr drive, and was told OK we will give you mince pie and biscuits I'd feel they didn't want me to visit. I wouldn't demand they do something specific but I'd be hurt if they didn't think I was worth a bit of effort.

I have had people on a few occasions "invite" themselves for dinner at relatively short notice (though never around Christmas time). My standard response is say that this is absolutely fine- I will go and get fish and chips/ A takeaway curry. If I was feeling really wicked I might ask for half the bill... The idea that I am going to rustle up a three course dinner is, well somewhat optimistic. As previous posters observe, this is CF.ry on a grand scale.

Why don't you make whatever hot meal you'd normally be having that day for dinner at lunch time. You don't have to do a full Christmas dinner.

Actually, a roast chicken is one of the easiest things to make for them, and it looks like you've made an effort for your husband's parents.

Or do a Marks and Sparks run and get a nice quiche to heat up, some fancy sausage roll, bit of salad etc and do a nice buffet lunch for them.

If they think they are coming for a meal, and you have to eat a meal for yourselves anyway that day, then what's the issue?

Nobody would be turning up self invited from 222nd onwards to my house.... I'm too darned busy for that crack 🌺

Blergh, I can't imagine having to eat a roast 2 days before Christmas. Surely at that point, you're in the making room for the big feast stage of the week.

If one of my dds married someone so unwelcoming and useless in the kitchen I'd be really disappointed for them.

Why would you stesss yourself out cooking a three course meal (particularly a roast!) three days before Christmas?! Madness! A few bits from a deli counter or similar is more than satisfactory!

Lol who acted like that? Don't bother. That person should know the right attitude.

@PreRaphaeliteMotherhood

Why would you stesss yourself out cooking a three course meal (particularly a roast!) three days before Christmas?! Madness! A few bits from a deli counter or similar is more than satisfactory!

Doesn't have to be three courses. I find a roast chicken really easy so thats what I'd do with a good pudding. How weird to think you have to starve or eat crap a few days before cooking a big roast.

If you have invited yourself, then you should accept what you receive. Even in normal times.

Are there lots of socially inept people on Mumsnet?!

Doesn't have to be three courses. I find a roast chicken really easy so thats what I'd do with a good pudding. How weird to think you have to starve or eat crap a few days before cooking a big roast.

@MrsMiaWallis Not wierd at all. Why do you assume some nice cheese and posh bread from a deli counter is starving or eating crap? A roast chicken is boring as hell when you're about to have a roast with all the trimmings in two days time. Most people would prefer the deli meal (although if I was a guest I certainly wouldn't complain about either).

When I have visitors that close to Christmas, at around lunch time or tea time then I do usually put on a bit of a festive spread, or cook something nice. However none of them expect it, and if I couldn't for whatever reason they wouldn't care. It's unreasonable of your mil and Fil to do this. Tell them in no uncertain terms they get what they're given.

@IMNOTSHOUTING

Doesn't have to be three courses. I find a roast chicken really easy so thats what I'd do with a good pudding. How weird to think you have to starve or eat crap a few days before cooking a big roast.

@MrsMiaWallis Not wierd at all. Why do you assume some nice cheese and posh bread from a deli counter is starving or eating crap? A roast chicken is boring as hell when you're about to have a roast with all the trimmings in two days time. Most people would prefer the deli meal (although if I was a guest I certainly wouldn't complain about either).

I'd prefer the Deli too tbh 🌺

It's not exactly last minute - it's 6 days away. If they are coming at lunch time - I'd give them lunch. That generally consists of soup, bread and cheese chez the Moles.

Anyone who requests specifics is unbelievably rude. It seriously is only on MN that I have encountered this - I know of no-one who knows anyone IRL that would be this rude. Even my own dear step-MIL who is difficult beyond belief insists we eat out when they come to visit us (and in fairness they pay) as we cannot possibly cater to all her imaginary allergies.

Why would some nice bread, cheese, olives, salad etc. Be ‘eating crap’? I wouldn’t usually eat a roast at lunchtime on a Wednesday and whilst it is fairly easy, it uses loads of pans and trays (at least I always do!) and crockery which would be the last thing I’d need just before Christmas if I could help it.

Deli food gets my vote. We're not big lunch eaters anyway and it tends to be cheese and fruit or home-made soup (no additional carb) in our house.

I wouldn't expect relatives to wait to be invited but I would expect them to ask when it would be OK to visit. I would give them a light lunch but certainly not a roast dinner because guests don't get to specify exactly I feed them.

@MrsMiaWallis

Are there lots of socially inept people on Mumsnet?!

Well you seem to be a prime example of one to be honest!

Tell them if they fancy a full meal they can happily treat you all to a chinese takeaway

@IMNOTSHOUTING

Doesn't have to be three courses. I find a roast chicken really easy so thats what I'd do with a good pudding. How weird to think you have to starve or eat crap a few days before cooking a big roast.

@MrsMiaWallis Not wierd at all. Why do you assume some nice cheese and posh bread from a deli counter is starving or eating crap? A roast chicken is boring as hell when you're about to have a roast with all the trimmings in two days time. Most people would prefer the deli meal (although if I was a guest I certainly wouldn't complain about either).

I wouldn't count that as crap.

I'd count smartprice nuggets and instant mash as crap. And mince pies for lunch. All served with a side order of resentment

There is middle ground between providing snacks and providing a full Christmas dinner. I would aim for that middle ground.