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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it reasonable to expect a Christmas dinner?

307 replies

BuckleBuckaroo · 17/12/2020 13:20

Is it reasonable to invite yourself over for christmas, not telling the person what day you intend to visit until a week before the day (will be the 23rd) and then expect more than a cup of tea, mincepies, biscuits, crisps and dip - basically expecting a christmas roast dinner (most likely 3 course). And feel put out and say you are been made to feel unwelcome if you dont get it?

OP posts:
Coffeehunter · 17/12/2020 14:10

Buy the turkey slices that have stuffing in the middle from any supermarket then serve a slice of that with 3 raw carrot sticks, one sprout, a tablespoon of smash and a blob of cranberry sauce ,don't forget to artistically smear the cranberry sauce . Mini Christmas lunch with no effort and they can't complain because it contains everything they expect

billy1966 · 17/12/2020 14:11

Entirely your husbands problem. Infact I would be out.

They clearly have the impression you are the house skivvy.Flowers

Inniu · 17/12/2020 14:15

If they are high risk and not seeing many people at Christmas then I would make an effort to do what makes them happy.

I offered to have Christmas dinner in the garden if it would make my parents more comfortable and DH and the kids were happy to go along.

Is there a reason not to have a roast dinner?

Georgyporky · 17/12/2020 14:17

I'd offer the lightest of light lunches, perhaps soup & bread.
Be careful what you say - they might decide to come on 25th!

HoofHeartedSanta · 17/12/2020 14:18

LIGHTHEARTED ... Have they seen Harry Potter ? pretend you are tricking your Husband into giving you a sock - as soon as you have been freed, pop on your coat and leave them to it ! < Wonders if the village Spar still stock a Birdseye Turkey dinner for the microwave >

Dinosaur19 · 17/12/2020 14:18

@Inniu

If they are high risk and not seeing many people at Christmas then I would make an effort to do what makes them happy.

I offered to have Christmas dinner in the garden if it would make my parents more comfortable and DH and the kids were happy to go along.

Is there a reason not to have a roast dinner?

I disagree. Their entitled behaviour would make me want to cook for them even less. It’s not a 5 minute job rustling up a Christmas dinner. Tell them it’s mince pies or they can grab some food on their way if they’re so desperate for a meal. Cheeky fuckery
tinselfest · 17/12/2020 14:23

Ruddy cheek.

Your DH needs to find out how long they think they are going to stay. And then he needs to manage their expectations.

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 17/12/2020 14:24

Coffeehunter I like that idea. Asda smart price breaded chicken nuggets with instant mashed potato and brussels it is. Mil will look down her nose at it and refuse to eat it. She will be expecting free range and top name brands and refuses to step foot in asda and aldi.

OP posts:
Peachy66 · 17/12/2020 14:25

I would get KFC in. Like it or lump it.

Leaannb · 17/12/2020 14:26

@heydoggie

My dad's birthday is before Christmas and we're doing a family lunch: not a Christmas one but basically something like a lasagne, some nice bits, a fancy dessert (and probably birthday cake) and mince pies and tea after. If my in-laws were coming on the 23rd and it was the only time I was going to see them after dinner, I/we would cook them dinner / the food equivalent of a Sunday lunch though not an actual roast like a Christmas dinner but probably something with at least two courses and nice treats.

There's probably a back story but travelling to come over for the one meet-up over the Christmas period with close family and staying a number of hours, I would expect more than mince pies.

If you expect more than mince pies then you should jave waited to be invited
ApolloandDaphne · 17/12/2020 14:26

If they were coming at lunchtime I would probably do soup, crusty bread, cheese and pate. I certainly would not be doing a full roast dinner!

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 17/12/2020 14:27

Peachy66 she would be horrified and claim she suddenly was not hungry.

OP posts:
Britishmanagersclub · 17/12/2020 14:28

They want a roast on the 23rd? What are they doing on the 25th?

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2020 14:29

Well if DH suggested we gave my parents a cuppa and mince pie when they were arriving for lunch, I'd think he was having a laugh and of make them proper food. So yabu but actually DH needs to step up and feed them as they're his guests. Uncut loaf, small gammon joint, pickles, posh crisps, pork pie. It isn't difficult, I'm sure he'll manage

Original poster
BuckleBuckaroo · 17/12/2020 14:29

Think mil is having her mum round on the 25th for Christmas dinner.

OP posts:
JillofTrades · 17/12/2020 14:30

Take control op and uninvite them. I wouldn't have anyone so rude stay at our home and make demands of me. J could care less if they are family or what. Luckily dh is the same.

FourTeaFallOut · 17/12/2020 14:30

Well you seem to be revelling in making them feel unwelcome, looks like you've got this sorted now op.

goose1964 · 17/12/2020 14:32

I'd say it depends on who it it, DS1 who you've not seen for months or great aunt Ivy who you see once a year. The former would be welcomed and fed , probably a curry, the latter would be lucky to get a cup of my vanilla chai, basically Christmas in a mug

Hobbesmanc · 17/12/2020 14:33

Its your husbands parents- maybe the kids grandparents? This bloody bizarre year has resulted in the upheaval of social norms. Lots of families arent sure of the mixing rules. Maybe they see this as their Christmas with you? If you are both of work, why cant it be a celebratory day?

Doesn't need to be Turkey and the trimmings- no one wants that twice in a week lol but a baked ham or a fish pie isnt a challenge and buy in a pud. Put crackers on the table and let them enjoy your company

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2020 14:33

@JillofTrades

Take control op and uninvite them. I wouldn't have anyone so rude stay at our home and make demands of me. J could care less if they are family or what. Luckily dh is the same.
And you'd be ok with your DP uninviting your parents without your agreement? I'm fairly certain "DH doesn't like my Mom because he says she's bossy and controlling. She's meant to ce over next week but DH called her and told her she was no longer welcome" wouldnt go down well on here
Wellpark · 17/12/2020 14:36

You sound delightful and most welcoming towards your husband's parents. Why can't you do a bit if roast chicken and roasties with some veg? Just bung it in the oven it doesn't need to be a gourmet experience. Follow it up with a shop bought pud and a cuppa and mince pie.

Bonsai49 · 17/12/2020 14:37

I think it’s reasonable to offer them lunch if they’re there at lunchtime but not a full roast .

Cocomarine · 17/12/2020 14:39

Well, there’s clearly a back story with you having a lot of reason to find them insufferable!

But if their son has said, “choose a day to do an extra Xmas Day with us”, then I think you would expect a full meal and one week’s notice is plenty to shop for that.

So I think it depends on your husband’s role in this invitation. You may have a husband problem, as MN likes to say!

But if they’re just inviting themselves - they can get to fuck and be grateful for the mince pie. Which you must get from Asda range, and serve straight from the packet Grin

MrsMiaWallis · 17/12/2020 14:40

@BuckleBuckaroo

Coffeehunter I like that idea. Asda smart price breaded chicken nuggets with instant mashed potato and brussels it is. Mil will look down her nose at it and refuse to eat it. She will be expecting free range and top name brands and refuses to step foot in asda and aldi.
I'd be repulsed by that meal as assume the person cooking it hated me.

Fgs just make a nice easy lunch.

crosspelican · 17/12/2020 14:40

There must be a massive backstory and excellent reason to hate them.

If my in-laws (I'm not close to them and we don't see them often) said they were going to come and see us on the 23rd, and it was the only time we would see them over Christmas, I would be sending DH off to Waitrose with a shopping list for a lovely meal (any excuse after so many months on our own!) and he'd be coming home to a to-do list so that we could put on something really nice.

It's a week's notice to feed two people. You're not having 24 hours notice to put on a family wedding or something. It's been a weird year. Unclench your buttocks and be nice. Confused (or actually say why you hate them)