Page 4 | Is it reasonable to expect a Christmas dinner?

BuckleBuckaroo · 2020-12-17T13:20:31+00:00

Is it reasonable to invite yourself over for christmas, not telling the person what day you intend to visit until a week before the day (will be the 23rd) and then expect more than a cup of tea, mincepies, biscuits, crisps and dip - basically expecting a christmas roast dinner (most likely 3 course). And feel put out and say you are been made to feel unwelcome if you dont get it?

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/12/2020 14:41

What is it with all the chagrin over them having invited themselves and therefore needing to be punished with poor hospitality? Don’t family usually invite themselves? If I fancy visiting my parents I’ll usually phone them up and say “hey, I’m thinking of coming to see you next Sunday and they will either say “yes please!” or “sorry, we have other plans, how about the week after” (and almost always the former, because what better things do my parents have to do than welcome the infinitely amazing company of their favourite child?)

There has to be an enormous backstory here which has nothing to do with the roast dinner because if DP’s parents said they were coming to visit two days before Christmas then I’d certainly go all out and make them a nice lunch. Why not address the backstory with PILs and DH rather than moan about their expectation of food?

MrsMiaWallis · 17/12/2020 14:43

@ComtesseDeSpair

What is it with all the chagrin over them having invited themselves and therefore needing to be punished with poor hospitality? Don’t family usually invite themselves? If I fancy visiting my parents I’ll usually phone them up and say “hey, I’m thinking of coming to see you next Sunday and they will either say “yes please!” or “sorry, we have other plans, how about the week after” (and almost always the former, because what better things do my parents have to do than welcome the infinitely amazing company of their favourite child?)

There has to be an enormous backstory here which has nothing to do with the roast dinner because if DP’s parents said they were coming to visit two days before Christmas then I’d certainly go all out and make them a nice lunch. Why not address the backstory with PILs and DH rather than moan about their expectation of food?

Yes me too. I'd do a small xmas lunch with a chicken. But unusually on MN I really like my PILS.

CatholicKidston · 17/12/2020 14:48

What are you being so stingy for? Just make them something to eat

boltingthestabledoortolate · 17/12/2020 14:49

Can't get why doing a simple roast is such a chore , most of the work is done by the oven , about 15 mins prepping veg if you haven't bought ready prepped and a few mins dishing up ffs it's really not hard , just uninvite them if it's too much hassle or you hate them so much
Would love to see my PIL but with Covid constrictions that doesn't look possible now

LovePoppy · 17/12/2020 14:50

@hulahooper2

I would offer them a meal , but not a full Christmas dinner , as looks like their only Christmas outing

But that’s not OPs fault.

That can make their own damn meal

LovePoppy · 17/12/2020 14:50

I just knew it was your inlaws.

Let them sulk. Plan your normal meal plan

NemosPoorlyFinn · 17/12/2020 14:52

I personally think it's cheeky to invite yourself over anywhere
Christmas or not 😬
I'm gobsmacked at all the other expectations

Leaannb · 17/12/2020 14:54

@crosspelican

There must be a massive backstory and excellent reason to hate them.

If my in-laws (I'm not close to them and we don't see them often) said they were going to come and see us on the 23rd, and it was the only time we would see them over Christmas, I would be sending DH off to Waitrose with a shopping list for a lovely meal (any excuse after so many months on our own!) and he'd be coming home to a to-do list so that we could put on something really nice.

It's a week's notice to feed two people. You're not having 24 hours notice to put on a family wedding or something. It's been a weird year. Unclench your buttocks and be nice. (or actually say why you hate them)

Maybe she dislikes them because they invite themselves over with unrealistic expectations. Thats enough....She should have just told them no from the get go. If MIL and FIl want a Christmas meal with them on the 23rd why didn't they invite OP and them over and make them a Christmas roast? Laziness. Thats why

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2020 14:55

@NemosPoorlyFinn

I personally think it's cheeky to invite yourself over anywhere Christmas or not 😬 I'm gobsmacked at all the other expectations

Would your parents seriously visit you on offer of a specific invitation? They'd never call and say can we pop and see you Saturday or will the kids be in Monday after school et.i find it a bit sad people have such formal relationships with their family and close friend's

LovePoppy · 17/12/2020 14:56

So many people saying arias chicken is an easy meal

Am I the only one who can’t cook one? Jeez, expectations are high here

LovePoppy · 17/12/2020 14:56

*roast

sneakysnoopysniper · 17/12/2020 14:56

We have been warned to make it a "small" christmas celebration and there is your perfect get out. Tell them after discussion you dont feel comfortable with extra visitors outside the immediate nuclear family and that the arrangement is no longer working for you. However you would need to make a similar prohibition for your own family.

If you do decide to go ahead with the plans revise the timescale to later/earlier and tell them there will be nibbles only.

Confusedandshaken · 17/12/2020 14:57

Lol! Anyone who turned up here on the 23rd of December (in a normal year) would be given a pile of spuds to peel. I would be in full on prepping mode. Then in the evening (if we liked them) they would get a sandwich or get a vote on what flavour pizza we ordered. This year I would wave at them from the front door.

DioneTheDiabolist · 17/12/2020 14:58

My local garage is selling microwaveable Christmas dinner for £7. Get your DP to buy two. I bet they'll be even more pissed off then.

PigletJohn · 17/12/2020 15:00

I think you're looking a little flushed. Didn't I hear you coughing ealier? And your sense of taste seems to be fading.

I think seven days isolation would be a good precautionary move.

Email your contact list to warn them.

Attach a selfie in your Dressing Gown of Doom.

Throw lots of used tissues around the sofa.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 17/12/2020 15:00

@BuckleBuckaroo

We said tea, mince pies and biscuits will be served. And they said surely its going to be a roast dinner and now giving us the silent treatment.

That's very rude and entitled behaviour. Even all the posters claiming a roast is no effort at all would bristle at having it demanded. They're also not factoring in that almost noone wants to eat two roast dinners in such a short period of time. I think serving up lunch if they're coming from a distance or around lunch time is reasonable but not demanding that it's a particular meal.

Whatever anyone claims a roast is more hassle than lots of meals. You have to prep the meat put it in early, do the gravy last minute, work out timings for the roast potatoes and also some veg on the side.

ancientgran · 17/12/2020 15:01

I'm torn really. I tend to over cater for visitors, I think it isn't very hospitable but then I'd be annoyed if people told me what they expected. I'd definitely offer more than mince pies and biscuits if only because I'd want lunch myself.

I think a roast is quite an easy meal to do, just bung it all in the oven, there are definitely worse things to make.

How far are they travelling, that would influence me as well, if they are five minutes away I'd be less worried about feeding them than if they had a 2 hr drive.

If there was a vote I wouldn't be sure which way to vote.

VirtualLearning · 17/12/2020 15:01

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to hope to be welcomed in your own child’s home? I would welcome this and make a good effort for them as they are such close family and would feel it important. To me family always is, and a week seems more than enough not least if you aren’t working (that isn’t a judgement, I am a sahm and would gladly make it welcoming and festive , even if I didn’t go for a full turkey.

JillofTrades · 17/12/2020 15:01

And you'd be ok with your DP uninviting your parents without your agreement?

Actually I would be doing the uninviting myself if anyone treated my dh badly in his own home. Dh would do the same for me. Op said the mil doesn't like her being a sahm and always makes sly digs. I wouldn't tolerate that in my home.

ancientgran · 17/12/2020 15:02

They're also not factoring in that almost noone wants to eat two roast dinners in such a short period of time. I love a roast dinner, often have 2 a week, have been known to have 3.

unmarkedbythat · 17/12/2020 15:03

If you come to my house on the 23rd I'll feed you but it won't be a roast because I am not cooking two roasts two days apart. I'd let you open one of the tins of chocolates that no one normally gets to touch before 3pm on Christmas Eve though, and you could have your choice of alcohol. If you didn't like that you'd be best off visiting someone else :)

FunTimes2020 · 17/12/2020 15:03

What does your DH think about their shenanigans? I assume they are awkward all year round?

Gemma2019 · 17/12/2020 15:03

If they are coming over at lunchtime then why are you only serving tea and mince pies - surely they can join you for lunch and have whatever you are having?

IMNOTSHOUTING · 17/12/2020 15:03

@SleepingStandingUp mum mum would absolutely say 'oh are you free on the 23rd can I come visit?'. That would be fine but she wouldn't demand that I cook her a particular meal and sulk if I didn't want to.

billy1966 · 17/12/2020 15:06

I don't really think its about whipping a nice lunch up for people you like, it's about their high handed manner, their disapproval for the OP's choices, which are absolutely none of their business.

When you make your disapproval for someone clear and are demanding, you can't be surprised if it rubs people up the wrong way.