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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it reasonable to expect a Christmas dinner?

307 replies

BuckleBuckaroo · 17/12/2020 13:20

Is it reasonable to invite yourself over for christmas, not telling the person what day you intend to visit until a week before the day (will be the 23rd) and then expect more than a cup of tea, mincepies, biscuits, crisps and dip - basically expecting a christmas roast dinner (most likely 3 course). And feel put out and say you are been made to feel unwelcome if you dont get it?

OP posts:
timeforanewstart · 17/12/2020 15:43

Although couple french sticks , some ham and cheese or a few frozen part bits cooked isn't hard

IMNOTSHOUTING · 17/12/2020 15:43

I'd count smartprice nuggets and instant mash as crap. And mince pies for lunch. All served with a side order of resentment

Most people would be resentful if someone demanded a 3 course roast dinner at any time of year let alone the 23rd. Personally I would definitely offer a full lunch (as presumably we'd be eating one anyway) but not a roast and not three courses.

Fairyliz · 17/12/2020 15:45

Presumably this is someone close to you, parent? sibling?

I wouldn't do a roast on the 23rd but I would cook a nice meal like I would any guests visiting.

ancientgran · 17/12/2020 15:45

There is middle ground between providing snacks and providing a full Christmas dinner. I would aim for that middle ground. True, they might have only mentioned the roast when told they could have a minch pie for lunch.

ancientgran · 17/12/2020 15:47

Most people would be resentful if someone demanded a 3 course roast dinner at any time of year let alone the 23rd. The op didn't say they demanded a 3 course meal, she said "most likely." To me that clearly means they didn't demand a 3 course meal.

ancientgran · 17/12/2020 15:48

Think mil is having her mum round on the 25th for Christmas dinner. Do you think she'll do more than a mince pie for her MIL?

Greenpolkadot · 17/12/2020 15:53

Sling a pork chop in the oven and do some pre cooked veg....cheeky fuckers,,

Calmandmeasured1 · 17/12/2020 15:59

Think mil is having her mum round on the 25th for Christmas dinner.
You think? You don't actually know what your MIL is doing on 25th? Do you have any contact with them?

What actually transpired in the conversation? The way you have phrased it doesn't say how the talk of lunch came about. It sounds like you don't like your ILS anyway so may have put MIL over to us in a worse light.

TonMoulin · 17/12/2020 16:01

Tell your DH he is charge of the meal when his parents are there.
That means, deciding what you will all have, cooking it and tidying up afterwards (Which I am going to assume is expected from you)

Send PIL to their son saying this time he is in charge

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 17/12/2020 16:02

Do you think she'll do more than a mince pie for her MIL?
Obviously because it’s Christmas Day. People will fall over their fucking feet to add to a pile-on on this bloody site.

Thedarknightsaredrawingin · 17/12/2020 16:03

No roast dinner on the 23rd. I would do sandwiches, crisps, cake, mince pies and tea.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 17/12/2020 16:04

It’s 6 days away. Plenty of time for your dh to plan and shop for a 3-course meal.

So, if you’re seeing your in-laws, and they’re seeing her mum, that’s your 3 household bubble. I guess you don’t get to see your family?

ktp100 · 17/12/2020 16:05

WTF is that??!!

I wouldn't do a Xmas dinner on the 23rd for bloody Queen, nevermind a bloody CF!!

Leaannb · 17/12/2020 16:08

@ancientgran

Thinking about it I wouldn't have told them what was on offer. If people are coming at lunchtime I'd just do lunch. I sort of get a feeling that making a point of telling them it's mince pies and bscuits indicates you wanted them to know they weren't welcome. I suppose everyone does things differently but if I was visiting my son, 3 hr drive, and was told OK we will give you mince pie and biscuits I'd feel they didn't want me to visit. I wouldn't demand they do something specific but I'd be hurt if they didn't think I was worth a bit of effort.
When people don't invite you and you just tell them you are coming you aren't wanted
unchienandalusia · 17/12/2020 16:10

I can't imagine having family over at lunchtime and not serving them, you know, lunch! Jeez. It's not like we're all overrun with having catered for lots of guests for the past 9 months. Make a simple but tasty lunch and try to find a bit of festive cheer ffs.

ancientgran · 17/12/2020 16:11

Obviously because it’s Christmas Day. People will fall over their fucking feet to add to a pile-on on this bloody site. What is it obvious? My neighbours usually have their friends from the golf club round on Christmas day for "nibbles and a glass of bubbly" I've been invited to visit friend for tea on Christmas Day

I don't think people providing Christmas dinner on Christmas day is a given, providing lunch when family are doing a Christmas visit at lunch time is much more obvious in my book.

ancientgran · 17/12/2020 16:12

When people don't invite you and you just tell them you are coming you aren't wanted The OP clearly doesn't want them but her husband might just like the idea of his parents coming round for a meal at Christmas.

There are some people on here who wouldn't know hospitality if it bit them.

GabsAlot · 17/12/2020 16:15

im useless in the kitchen prob why my late mil didnt like me much

dh doesnt seem to mind though-if teres always a tension with your ils op id defer to dh to sort things out

tara66 · 17/12/2020 16:23

''Good will to all men'' then. PIL can have a banana. They will be dead soon and that will be great!

TheClitterati · 17/12/2020 16:23

so your in-laws are coming to visit in the days before Xmas, you won't be seeing them on Xmas day and you think its unreaonable to have a meal with them?

Only on MN. Families in real life just aren't like this.

No they don't get to dictate what you cook, but of course you should have a meal with them.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/12/2020 16:42

What does your DH want to do? It's really his problem isn't it? If he's happy with what you are planning to serve, then that's the end to it. If he thinks they have a point and there should be something more 'substantial', tell him to get himself to the market and deal with it.

Normally starting the 23rd I'm up to my elbows in prep-work and baking. I certainly wouldn't have the time or the kitchen and oven space to fix a full roast. Anyone inviting themselves would get at most a cold collation.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2020 16:46

[quote IMNOTSHOUTING]@SleepingStandingUp mum mum would absolutely say 'oh are you free on the 23rd can I come visit?'. That would be fine but she wouldn't demand that I cook her a particular meal and sulk if I didn't want to.[/quote]
I totally agree, it was aimed at the pp who was aghast that a parent would do such a thing as ASK TO VISIT

IMNOTSHOUTING · 17/12/2020 16:50

@SleepingStandingUp Oh I missed that sorry. Yes I agree it's totally normal for a parent to suggest a day to come round. (I'd also be perfectly happy to give them lunch it's only the specific and extravagant demands for lunch that would annoy me).

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2020 16:51

When people don't invite you and you just tell them you are coming you aren't wanted nonsense. Maybe in your family but in most families, parents don't have to wait for a formal invitation to visit, and people like seeing their family. Op might not want them there, ever, but it isn't just her home.

Orangesox · 17/12/2020 16:51

I think the fact that they've said "surely it'll be a roast" is pretty fucking cheeky purely on the basis that it's simply expected that you'll have the time and ability to source ingredients for an extra roast two days before Christmas when you've more than likely already sorted your food shop and can't alter it.

That said, I probably would've suggested something low maintenance for lunch like a nice cottage pie, rather than biscuits and mince pies, and if they'd counter requested a roast my response would've been along the lines of "sounds lovely, I'll sort the main if you bring X, Y & Z".

If it's the only time you'll see them over Christmas I'd try to be at least hospitable, but then I adore my in-laws and I'm deeply upset that we won't see them this Christmas.