He is still not divorced

[Heisstillnotdivorced]

Namechanged.

My fiance and I got engaged almost a year ago. We have one daughter, she is two years old. We have been living together for four years and own a house in both our names. He was legally separated when I met him and had been for two years.

Things are pretty hostile with his ex, lots of sniping back and forth all the time. They have three teenage DCs together. She ended the marriage and has a new partner but seems to find any excuse to argue with my fiance. Initially I got on quite well with her but not anymore, she sent me a spiteful message last year saying he didn't want to move on from her, if he did they would be divorced now. I avoid her now.

My problem is he has been promising me for two years now that he is going to sort his divorce out but there is always a reason it doesn't get done.

AIBU to call off the engagement?

OP, are you a savage for bacon and cabbage???

This is really the crux of the problem.

We might surprise the OP yet! She’s expecting the “Good luck, you’re gonna need it” messages now she’s left the thread, but people are asking her whether she’ll come back and tell us what happens and whether she likes a certain dinner.

Mumsnet: anything but predictable!

I didn't really find her sarcasm funny, I found it to be desperate and sad, a sort of hysterical laughing as the ship goes down.

I think she will stay eternally engaged because that's all that will ever be on offer and if uses sarcasm to prevent herself from confronting the fact that she just isn't loved enough, well who can blame her?

I don't. Although I would still advise her to LTB.

@Piglet89

We might surprise the OP yet! She’s expecting the “Good luck, you’re gonna need it” messages now she’s left the thread, but people are asking her whether she’ll come back and tell us what happens and whether she likes a certain dinner.

Mumsnet: anything but predictable!

I know!!! And here I am now expecting the nasty good luck messages feeling very stupid indeed after spotting your sincere and heartfelt enquiries.

@ADRIENNEthroughbloodshoteyes I certainly am a savage for bacon and cabbage but also quite partial to tomorrow's jam.

I found it to be desperate and sad, a sort of hysterical laughing as the ship goes down.

Humour is a defence. As a wise rabbit once said, sometimes it's the only defence we have. Better to go down laughing.

And it made me laugh. Thank you, OP.

@Piglet89

We might surprise the OP yet! She’s expecting the “Good luck, you’re gonna need it” messages now she’s left the thread, but people are asking her whether she’ll come back and tell us what happens and whether she likes a certain dinner.

Mumsnet: anything but predictable!

Piggy you’ve failed your Irish test!

@ADRIENNEthroughbloodshoteyes she's brash though.

😂

🇮🇪

Although someone will be along in a minute to tell me I’m not Irish and if you thought the OP’s thread got a bit heated at times, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Seriously, OP - I hope there’s movement on the matter in January on this but if there isn’t, a whole thread full of women here think you’ve more than enough strength, resilience and humour to come through it and thrive just fine!

OP enjoy our Christmas.. worry about this in the new year.. start afresh like

[quote ADRIENNEthroughbloodshoteyes]@WiseOwlWan I love your username![/quote]
Decades of learning everything the hard way!!

@ReadyFreddy

I'm surprised nobody has commented on my previous comment about the fact that his ex may have been emotionally abusive, which is why he might be scared to divorce her. She definitely seems to be the type who likes to control.

perhaps because nobody would know either way..... not even OP

Good luck OP. I'm not surprised his lack of action has put you off. It's hardly the most attractive trait!

Heisstillnotdivorced

Pay the hecklers no mind

@ReadyFreddy

But you can be sure if the situation was reversed many people would be mentioning the 'potentially controlling ex hubby' etc.

Well that's probably why nobody commented; they saw that it wasn't actually a genuine contribution, just another agenda pushing derail attempt of the kind we've had so much of lately. And now you're reduced to pushing it more and more because everyone ignored you.

So forceful on this thread

And yet.... putting up with this shite in real life.

You should channel some of the energy and force you’ve put into your responses here.... to how you deal with your boyfriend-fiancé.

@Heisstillnotdivorced

Right I think this thread has run its course for me. Amidst all the inevitable muppetry I got some very helpful advice which helped me formulate my thoughts around my frustration.

I will check back at some stage and to no doubt find a barrage of highly original "good luck op, you're gonna need it" type replies.

Good for you op. It's your life and not a soap opera got the nosey masses. Good luck with your relationship issues

Just read this thread , some of the posters here have been so nasty to the op and then have the nerve to call the op rude. Wow just wow ......

yeh, not just to this poster but so often on mumsnet, a poster realises that they need to reassess their life. Who can honestly say that they sail through life without ever needing to check the compass occasionally. Sorry for the metaphors! Mothers of young children, needing support and advice come to a board for mothers, and what they get back is 5 pages of respect my right to be smug, rude and judgmental'*

I was going to say, why post if that's all you've got, but I guess they need other people's crises and crossroads to feel good about themselves.

YWNBU to call off the engagement.

However as your DP now has the solicitor appointments lined up for January, I'd wait and see what the outcome is of those first, given you've already waited so long.

@ReadyFreddy

But you can be sure if the situation was reversed many people would be mentioning the 'potentially controlling ex hubby' etc.

Oh she is for sure, I've seen that from my own dealings with her. I did clock your comment the first time and I agreed but didn't reply because imo it's relevant but not reason enough.

What I mean is that doesn't let him off the hook! He's with me, he has a family with me, he has planned a future with me.
Its his job to sort this mess out. I didn't marry her, I didn't then wreck their marriage, the pair of them did that on their own. It's just not on to stress me out and disrespect me like this.

Oh I'm the op btw, I've changed username. I can't see if it comes up green now.

@Starseeking

YWNBU to call off the engagement.

However as your DP now has the solicitor appointments lined up for January, I'd wait and see what the outcome is of those first, given you've already waited so long.

Thanks.

I responded to this and it didn't list for some reason.

Basically I've decided to do this. I gave him back the ring and told him he can ask me again when he has fully sorted legalities. I told him truthfully that my feelings have changed and I'm not sure if that's temporary. I hope it is frankly as we have a child, house and a good time together usually.