DH regularly tells me to 'shut up' when I baby talk DS

[Millano]

Just that really- AIB overly sensitive when DH mutters or says 'shut up' when I'm baby talking to our 5 month old DS. I realise it's probably quite insane to listen to because (this just happened) I use a baby voice when undressing him for bath and say 'it's bare butt time! It's bare butt time!' and DS is pissing himself laughing. But I just heard DH say shut up, and I just said 'I hear that from you a lot, it's just so upsetting'. I'm sat sulking now. I'm being pathetic right??

[quote Faultymain5]@SchadenfreudePersonified re research, do they compare those children who got baby talk as opposed to those who didn’t? And how do they make sure parents don’t fall into baby speak as it’s so instinctive. How is it all measured? I’m really curious as no-one has ever mentioned it to me before this post.[/quote]
I'm sorry - I can't remember any details - but it's definitely out there somewhere.

As other posters have pointed out - the high voice, sing-song intonation etc is attention grabbing for an infant, and the fact that (most!) mothers instinctively use this speech pattern suggests that it is evolutionary. I'll see if I still have anything related to it if I get time tomorrow (I've been retired for 10+ years and gave most of my books etc to a neighbour's DD who started training.

Simplified sentences are obviously better for children, too - but that doesn't mean that you have to use baby talk. If you aren't comfortable, you can say "dog" or "doggy" rather than "bow-wow", but the high, sing-song voice definitely engages the attention of infants.

There is a LOT of research describing the importance of smiling and eye contact. Children who are physically cared for, but not interacted with are much more likely to develop serious social and mental health problems. They also don't sensitively parent their own children when they have them - this is learned behaviour. (There have been a number of longitudinal studies - not deliberately depriving children long term of interactive parenting, obviously, but using information gleaned from the children of mothers (in particular - usually the primary caregivers) who are depressed and have a flat "affect" (manner), and children who have been brought up in the old care system.

(It's actually very difficult to get mothers and infants to take part in experiments like this, because the obvious distress of children who aren't interacted with upsets mothers too much, and they break character. They cannot not interact with their baby. It's almost always too upsetting for both the mother and the child.)

The horrors of the Rumanian orphanages also provided huge amounts of material for psychological studies.

Singing to a baby while you change them is a way of distracting them. As is nattering to them. Making faces at them. Silly noises. Whatever.

And it does come instinctively to a lot of parents around the world to do this stuff. Hence there being a word for it.

People do it to cute or baby animals as well. It's not unnatural or weird. It's completely normal.

Which isn't to say people who don't do it are wrong- who speak as they would to an adult. The main thing is the attention. But to say it's weird annoying and she should put a sock in it so her OH doesn't get irritated... Paraphrasing obv.

Also before long the baby will be crawling etc taking it's nappy off and scarpering and all the rest of it. If he can't take a bath time sing song and laughing thing how the hell is he going to cope with that?!

I don’t think it’s weird to say it’s annoying if you are trying to work for someone to be yattering nonsense.

It’s not wrong to be yattering nonsense but if you are trying to concentrate it could be irritating. Very few people are saints and they do snap.

and mutter under their breath

What's he going to do when he's got a toddler though.

They are a total pita let's be frank.

I’m surprised he’s told you to shut up more than once! If any man told me to shut up even once it would be the last time. He would be history. Please be quiet, I’m trying to concentrate, or can I have some peace please etc is acceptable but NEVER shut up. It takes a level of contempt to say that to another person who ever they are.

@NiceGerbil

What's he going to do when he's got a toddler though.

They are a total pita let's be frank.

Well he’s probably not going to be working from home all day. Might make a difference

Some people on this thread must have a very reserved and joyless house.

Babies love exaggerated expressions and different pitch voices. It’s engaged them and they can mimic and join in the excitement and ‘conversation’ - and no, ‘baby talk’ doesn’t delay in speech further on. Different pitches encourage them to copy!

Please come on - the great classics.. sounds really fun!!

That's not the point though is it little bear.

My colleagues all have little kids and many of the clients too. They wander in during meetings and whatnot. It's one of those things. Yes it's annoying but you make the best of it.

If he can't cope with his wife jollying the baby along at bathtime then he's going to struggle.

Also, many jobs are going to go all or mostly home based after this, for the roles and orgs where it's worked.

I mean I don't get annoyed it's a bit of light relief but the parents do

Mine are older it's a nightmare for those with little ones.

@Daphnise

You do sound very annoying, and whilst you might well need to shut up, it is discourteous of him to actually say those words.

So you are both being unreasonable.

And too much baby talk is brainless. I bet the baby's fed up with it. You could try talking sense in a normal affectionate voice, and keep everyone's sanity.

Agree with this post. It would drive most people mad listening to "baby talk" all day. Just change your pitch is normally enough, nobody has to use made up words (and yes, butt is particularly yeuch)

She's got a baby! Of course she talks to her baby as comes naturally to her and millions of other parents around the planet.

My DH loves babies and is more of the pulling faces blowing raspberries type. He was a v hands on dad. And men tend to pitch voice higher when talking to little ones as well.

What a strange thread.

Is this about the man and his wants being more important? Because the gist of a minority of these posts is she should STFU.

@GoldenOmber - her husband is telling her to "shut up". I don't think it's in dispute that he is finding her irritating.

I never babytalked - I just used my regular voice. I find it quite cringey to be honest and would probably be murmuring the same as your husband under my breath!

@GoldenOmber - I assume as they have a newborn together and are married that they want the relationship to work. He is upsetting her. Something needs to be worked out between them.

@NiceGerbil

I mean I don't get annoyed it's a bit of light relief but the parents do

Mine are older it's a nightmare for those with little ones.

Yes so imagine what it’s like if it’s not a child who is being loud but another adult?

There needs to be some give and take.

How do you even talk to a baby without inane bollocks?

Who's this? It's a cat! Where's the cat? There's the cat? Where's the cat? There's the cat! Is standard fare in a cloth book.

I mean it's just normal. Repetition. Sing song voice. What's this? It's a dog! Peekaboo. Blah blah blah.

I mean I didn't like the baby stage but it seems odd to pretend that this is not standard. Singing. Repetition. Bread and butter stuff.

If it gets on his tits that really is his problem.

@Preparedtobetoldimwrong

Loving all the pearl clutching at the word butt. What do you call the end of a cigarette?

Yes to this. I doubt I can help OP with her problem more than the previous 200 comments, some especially helpful PLUS her DH has now apologised, so I’m really here now to see how this “butt” issue developed. When someone said it was a dirty word, I first thought maybe they were Mormon and lived in America, in Utah or something? Then when they said it was equivalent to “cock” or “arse” and they were in the South, I assumed they still meant perhaps the American South. Now they’ve stated south of ENGLAND, I’m confused as butt shite.

Bless you op, you’re only talking to the baby but I have to say I hate baby talk to the point I have a visceral reaction to it, it just absolutely goes through me! Ds was doing it to the dog the other day and I had to leave the room it was so annoying and cringey. If I heard dh doing it I don’t think I could ever have sex with him again.

Some of Mumsnet's finest weirdos and braggarts in here tonight!

OP baby talk is normal and good for your child, don't feel embarassed. Your husband finding baby talk annoying isn't the issue (I can't imagine working from home with a small child so fair play there to both of you, this year is a shitshow and difficult for everyone in loads of ways!), more that he is happy to be so dismissive and mean about it.

But if he genuinely meant the apology I'd let it go. If he did it again, I'd be very, very angry.

I used to baby talk them sometimes, but I don't think I said anything like 'it's bare butt time', that would have annoyed me too tbh - so maybe it's more about what you're saying rather than how you're saying it that he has issues with.

@ilikemethewayiam

I’m surprised he’s told you to shut up more than once! If any man told me to shut up even once it would be the last time. He would be history. Please be quiet, I’m trying to concentrate, or can I have some peace please etc is acceptable but NEVER shut up. It takes a level of contempt to say that to another person who ever they are.

Completely agree.

Your husband sounds awful OP.

You sound like a great mum, who loves interacting with her baby.

I wasn't great at this chit chat, I did a bit but wasn't a natural.
I wish I'd known how critical it was for them.

Please stand up for yourself OP.

At the very least, he's rude and uncouth to speak to you like that.

@SchadenfreudePersonified
Thanks for coming back, please don’t go out of your way to look, I’m past that stage thankfully.

This is the thing, I speak normally to babies, but I sing nursery rhymes (without turning them into nappy change time songs), I read in animated way with voices for characters. I think the most important thing is to show love, kindness and a little interest.

@Thespidersweb Some people on this thread must have a very reserved and joyless house.

Or they just have different practices in their own homes. If joy from baby talk floats your boat then great, I feel others may get their joy in other ways. Though shock horror I never entertained Father Christmas, Easter bunnies and the like either.

South where?

I don’t want to be too specific but I’ve lived in various parts of south England and nobody says ‘butt’ as it’s akin to swearing. Imagine a teacher saying ‘butts on seats please children!’ I think it’s horrible to refer to a baby’s bottom as ‘butt’ (why do you even need to refer to it at all, can’t you just say ‘bath time, let’s get you all bare’ rather than go on about his bare butt repeatedly?) He’s probably laughing because you’re laughing not at the actual phrase.) It’s like talking about bare arse, booty, bumhole on repeat etc. At best it’s vulgar at worst it’s swearing (and may be one of his first words if you say it so much!)

You can still engage affectionately and chatter to baby in a sing song voice, just don’t do it loudly if your DH is working and be aware it’s a shared space.