DH regularly tells me to 'shut up' when I baby talk DS

[Millano]

Just that really- AIB overly sensitive when DH mutters or says 'shut up' when I'm baby talking to our 5 month old DS. I realise it's probably quite insane to listen to because (this just happened) I use a baby voice when undressing him for bath and say 'it's bare butt time! It's bare butt time!' and DS is pissing himself laughing. But I just heard DH say shut up, and I just said 'I hear that from you a lot, it's just so upsetting'. I'm sat sulking now. I'm being pathetic right??

@TonMoulin Oddly enough I never had to adopt speech that was incorrect to make my babies laugh. Affection and humour, songs and tickles yes. Song with actions yes. Talk of butt's- no. There was enough of that once they started school. Lots of bum bum poo poo heads and silly songs. I always thought it came from older siblings. Perhaps not .

@happymummy12345

I hate baby talk and don't see the need or point of it so. Just talk to your baby using proper words

It's not about the words as much as the higher pitch and sing song tone. You can still use proper words.

A bit of baby talk, fine, but if it's all the time I can imagine it grates on the nerves a bit, and by the sounds of it, you do it quite a lot.

You carry on OP. You sound like a really lovely mum. Just tell him you don't like being spoken to like that. It shows a great lack of respect. The words "shut up" are totally banned in my house. It's a horrible thing to say to someone. Is that what he wants to hear your son say in the future? I say '"fucking hell" when I'm driving. My DD said it the other day and it was a real wake up call! But it's said because I get quite anxious and stressed. It's not directed at anyone. She's never heard me say anything like that to another person. I grew up in a house with a lot of arguing and shouting. It's the last thing I want for my DD. Just tell him you won't tolerate it. Be very clear.

@GoldenOmbre - in the OP's 2nd post she said that she talks to her baby all throughout the day in various voices. They are stuck in the house together.
Regarding my comment about mutual attraction and respect comment - I made it because it doesn't help the OP if posters just agree and sympathise with her. She and her DH need to get on. It goes both ways - he has just upset her and made her sad.

Butt is American for bum isn't it?

I'm in the South (London) and I don't know if people are starting to use it more but it's got no connotations here apart from American for bum.

I also think telling a woman to shut up for doing something that makes her baby laugh when she's in her own home is utterly shit. Especially coming from the dad.

I talk baby talk to cats though. They have not grown up to be highly articulate by age 3 so maybe the naysayers have a point (they don't).

@JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson

Yes butt is like saying ‘arse’ or ‘cock’ here (South).

South England? No, it is not.

It was in London when I was growing up.

Honestly i'd if some whinny high pitched sing songy voice I'd agree with him.
Talked to ours loads but in normal voice .

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@eckhart absolutely. Possibly that's why my dc are both Oxbridge. I thank my hv for telling me it was her job to make sure I spoke to my DS enough for him to develop speech. So I read him the Iliad and the Odyssey and nurtured a live of classics. He took a first in Classics from Oxford in 2017. Currently doing a PhD.

High standards beget high standards and don't include "butts".[/quote]
What in the original Greek? Or the bastardised English translation? Really the latter is incomparable to the former

41 years in the South of England and I've never known anyone think butt is offensive. I can't imagine using it myself but only because it's an Americanism that wouldn't come any more naturally to me than saying faucet or ass but it's no ruder than bum, which is the equivalent word.

It wasn't in London when I was growing up and no one uses it now AFAIK.

Bum or arse are the words for the posterior. Backside maybe?

How weird.

He should not be telling you to shut up but have you considered that you might be driving him nuts with the sheer repetition of that phrase, if not others too.

I use a baby voice when undressing him for bath and say 'it's bare butt time! It's bare butt time!'

It makes me wince to be honest. I wouldn't say anything to you but I would want to leave the room as quickly as possible if you kept saying it over and over again.

You are married to this man. You have a child together. Your baby is obviously the most important person to you but you should also still be considering your husband's feelings too. You don't like him telling you to shut up and you expect your feelings on that to be respected. He very obviously does not want to listen to to repetative baby talk but you and other posters feel he has no right to have his feelings about that respected. Not exactly equitable. You need to be careful that you are not setting up mummy and baby versus daddy here or you will eventually get all the time to baby talk you so desire as he buggers off out all the time to get away from it.

@HikeForward

Yes butt is like saying ‘arse’ or ‘cock’ here (South). Maybe it’s regional.

Sing song voice and engaging with baby, that’s fine but you don’t need to use silly inane phrases/words or rude ones or a loud shrill voice (especially if your DH is trying to wfh or relax.)

If you’re talking to the dogs like that too he must be fed up!

I live in the south and butt is nothing like arse or cock wtf

It's called 'parentese' OP. Look it up. It's a thing acknowledged by linguists.

'Butt' though. Are you American? . Surely bottom or bum?!

If it was making the baby laugh, then the adult man could just live with not being the target audience of the bare butt material. Baby laughter is brilliant. Tiny children are exhausting, and if tiredness is making you silly, rather than making you weep, then really that’s a win.

Baby talk is good for baby’s development, but even if it wasn’t, if it makes them laugh then what’s the harm. I think it’s hard work without a sense of humour. I make up silly songs, and do daft voices, and play ridiculous games to get them to eat their dinner, go to the toilet, get dressed, whatever. I definitely come out with some utter rubbish, but my partner laughs at me rather than gets wound up, and I do the same to him.

@ladycarlotta

'bare butt time' made ME laugh. I can imagine talking nonsense like this to my little one. Moreso when she was tiny, but now she's a young toddler it is SO much fun to get her involved in the nonsense and silliness. I sometimes sing a stupid made-up nappy change song and she nips her fingers in the air like a crab. I mean, it's not Ovid. But it's still great.

More power to you, OP, you have years of fun ahead.

Ah that's lovely, thank you. I also have a nappy changing song... makes a pretty gross job, lovely and fun (kind of).

Oh! Or bot bot. That would be perfectly fine.

'Shut up' though, is very rude. Very rude indeed.

you and other posters feel he has no right to have his feelings about that respected

He has expressed his feelings by muttering 'shut up', which indicates that he think his feelings of irritation are more important than demonstrating respect to OP.

I'm sure things would be very different if he'd approached her and said 'Could we have a talk about this?' and gone on to explain his feelings like an adult, rather than a malfunctioning teenager.

@lottiegarbanzo

Oh! Or bot bot. That would be perfectly fine.

Yup see your point. Am not American and have no idea why I say 'butt'. Do also say bot and botty. Just say whatever springs to mind in the moment.

I also have a nappy changing song

DD would periodically have ghastly nappy rash and changes would be hideous. Daft songs helped. I can confirm that ‘Metanium’ scans perfectly in my nappy-based parody of Titanium by Sia

Loving all the pearl clutching at the word butt. What do you call the end of a cigarette?

Interesting to see the people who assume that baby talk means not using proper words. It doesn’t automatically mean that at all. It can, but the OP’s quote shows she is using proper words, even if one word (butt) is one not everyone would choose.
Baby talk (motherese) means using a slightly higher pitch, and lots of repetition. All of which is shown by research to help language development.

Some people might say “look at the doggy.” Many don’t. They would say “Did you see the dog. Did you. Can you see the dog, look.” And if the pitch is slightly sing song and higher than normal then it’s baby talk, because you wouldn’t talk like that to an adult.

The other thing people often do without realising is leave gaps for the baby to ‘answer.’ And if the baby gurgles then the adult responds. “Do you like that? Is it a nice dog.” (The baby gurgles). “Do you. Yes, I like it to.” Again, it teaches babies about turn taking in conversation.

I’m willing to bet that most people did use a different tone when talking to their babies because most people do it instinctively. There’s some really sneery posts but they all seem to be based on an assumption about choice of language.

@PeppermintPasty

I cannot fathom people on this thread saying that baby voices etc make them cringe. That you are not 100% supportive of the OP, who is being told to shut up by her supposedly DH, speaks volumes, and in a harsh adult voice too, about how little you understand what’s going on here.

The husband is trash. The OP is doing the most natural thing in the world. I am so over people saying “oh he has a point, baby voices are soooo cringey”. Are you mad? Do some research into infant development.

Then do some research into wanky men seeking to pull the rug from under their partners. Fuck sake.

I’m in a bad mood tonight, but I would seriously tell him to fuck right off the next time he does it, in your best baby voice, naturally.

Maybe when you are in a better mood you will re-read where although people find baby talk cringy (and it really does depend on the definition), they also think the OP’s DH is wrong to tell her to shut up.

@Preparedtobetoldimwrong

Loving all the pearl clutching at the word butt. What do you call the end of a cigarette?

I don't often discuss cigarette butts with babies.

But I agree. It's just a word!