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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH regularly tells me to 'shut up' when I baby talk DS

259 replies

Millano · 16/12/2020 18:28

Just that really- AIB overly sensitive when DH mutters or says 'shut up' when I'm baby talking to our 5 month old DS. I realise it's probably quite insane to listen to because (this just happened) I use a baby voice when undressing him for bath and say 'it's bare butt time! It's bare butt time!' and DS is pissing himself laughing. But I just heard DH say shut up, and I just said 'I hear that from you a lot, it's just so upsetting'. I'm sat sulking now. I'm being pathetic right??

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 16/12/2020 19:50

@JammyGem

Wasn't there some study that showed baby talk actually helps speech development?

Either way, your DH is a twat.

Yes, it does and he is indeed a twat.
Eckhart · 16/12/2020 19:50

@RosesAndHellebores

Have you tried googling it, or do you class your own experience to be conclusive proof?

The tone of baby talk is beneficial to speech development, much more than using adult conversational tone. Good job you got a genius, really.

JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson · 16/12/2020 19:51

@Hardbackwriter

There are some brilliant smug mummy 'I spoke properly to my child and that's why they won debating competitions at 18 months' posts on this thread. Love a MN boast.
The irony being that such boasts show that the parent has little clue of best practice for infant development.
AliasGrape · 16/12/2020 19:51

@Hardbackwriter

There are some brilliant smug mummy 'I spoke properly to my child and that's why they won debating competitions at 18 months' posts on this thread. Love a MN boast.
I know, it’s brilliant. Some of them HAVE to be parody surely?
Millano · 16/12/2020 19:54

@Eckhart

What needs to change here, initially, is that you need to drop this way of thinking: I'm being pathetic right

That's not a healthy way to feel about yourself when your husband is regularly telling you to shut up.

You are responding in your natural way to your baby, who loves it. The thought of having to stop doing it makes you tearful.

It's perfectly natural to find baby talk irritating. But if your husband thinks that his irritation is to be prioritised over his baby's smiles and the bond you have with your baby, then his priorities indicate poor fatherhood. He might not be a poor father in other ways, but in this respect, he thinks his irritation is more important than the bond between his wife and child.

Can you see why people are saying he's a dick?

Very good point.
OP posts:
Teddybear27 · 16/12/2020 19:54

If my partner told me to shut up on a regular basis I would be telling him to fu*k off on a regular basis....

AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight · 16/12/2020 19:56

What everyone else said about parentese. But I do think 'butt' is crude and 'bare butt time' a bit of a strange expression.

No excuse for your h to tell you to shut up, though. None at all.

Coseynightin · 16/12/2020 19:57

Surely it depends on the tone of the shut up?

Airyfairymarybeary · 16/12/2020 19:57

That is rude but do you have to use a baby voice? I would find that insanely annoying.

Namechangeme87 · 16/12/2020 19:58

I find it impossible to not talk to baby’s in a different softer / baby talk voice tbh

Also dogs

Your Dh is a dick

Hardbackwriter · 16/12/2020 20:00

Threads about toddler speech always bring out the most insane MN boasts, and I never really get it - it's not like there are lots of adults who are still going around going 'I see dat choo choo' so it's pretty clear that the others are going to catch up with your child's brilliantly eloquent, clear speech in the end?! Though I do have a friend who I love but who still brings up in casual conversation how early she spoke and read because this was so drilled into her by her mother!

Eckhart · 16/12/2020 20:01

@Coseynightin

Surely it depends on the tone of the shut up?
If it's the tone that makes OP want to post on MN for support, we know enough about what sort of tone it is.
RosesAndHellebores · 16/12/2020 20:01

@eckhart absolutely. Possibly that's why my dc are both Oxbridge. I thank my hv for telling me it was her job to make sure I spoke to my DS enough for him to develop speech. So I read him the Iliad and the Odyssey and nurtured a live of classics. He took a first in Classics from Oxford in 2017. Currently doing a PhD.

High standards beget high standards and don't include "butts".

Millano · 16/12/2020 20:03

@RosesAndHellebores

To be entirely honest I think babies develop good speech listening to words properly enunciated.

Thank you rather than ta. Are you happy this morning rather than is oo awight ickle bubba.

I'm 100% with your dh about this my children developed very clear speech and it was always remarked upon.

I cannot comprehend why any sentient being would teach babies and infants the wrong way which then has to be unlearnt and replaced with the right way.

Still recall ds, aged 3, answering the phone to the health authority's director of Public health. "Hello, x speaking, who is calling please and I'll tell mummy". I rang back and the woman was gobsmacked. Normal to me. I may venture that hip's don't have high enough standards.

You're 100% with my DH about this.... so you support him telling me to shut up? Regularly. 100% means obviously there's no question that he has your full support here. You sound delightful.
OP posts:
Hardbackwriter · 16/12/2020 20:03

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@eckhart absolutely. Possibly that's why my dc are both Oxbridge. I thank my hv for telling me it was her job to make sure I spoke to my DS enough for him to develop speech. So I read him the Iliad and the Odyssey and nurtured a live of classics. He took a first in Classics from Oxford in 2017. Currently doing a PhD.

High standards beget high standards and don't include "butts".[/quote]
Genuinely can't tell if this is a joke

MsJudgemental · 16/12/2020 20:03

The sing-song parentese voice is essential for their development, but using 'baby' words isn't. Nor is words like 'butt', although I don't find it offensive, just weird unless you're American. Just use proper words. It's good that he apologised, though.

Eckhart · 16/12/2020 20:04

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@eckhart absolutely. Possibly that's why my dc are both Oxbridge. I thank my hv for telling me it was her job to make sure I spoke to my DS enough for him to develop speech. So I read him the Iliad and the Odyssey and nurtured a live of classics. He took a first in Classics from Oxford in 2017. Currently doing a PhD.

High standards beget high standards and don't include "butts".[/quote]
You've got to be kidding. If this is serious, that's the funniest boast I've ever seen on MN Grin

Have a medal and a glass of champers, daaahling. You are the best parent ever to exist.

Beautifulbonnie · 16/12/2020 20:05

I have to be honest. Baby talk drives me insane. My mother never spoke to me in it and abhors it. She thinks children should be taught the correct word everytime

However. Your DH shouldn’t keep telling you to shut up. I wouldn’t like that at all. I don’t think I’ve ever said it to my DH. Nor him to me.

I would explain how upset it makes you. Marriage is about communication. Have a chat. Tell him how sad it is making you.

GabsAlot · 16/12/2020 20:05

i used to do it to my cat my dh just rolled his eyes at me no need to tell you to shutup

Eckhart · 16/12/2020 20:05

@RosesAndHellebores

You spelt 'love' wrong, by the way...

planningaheadtoday · 16/12/2020 20:05

It's Motherese and very important for your child's development. Tell him if you stop your baby might develop communication delay. That will make him think. Silly man.

XingMing · 16/12/2020 20:05

I won't say your DH is a dick, but men don't communicate with tiny children the same as women. I talked all the time to DS, now 21, who is and has been very articulate for his age all his life, but who is also very, very dyslexic.

There was a huge study, by the U of Chicago School of Education IIRC, that showed fairly conclusively that the more words small children heard before starting school, and at least equally important, the more positive the words were, the better their educational achievement would be. So encouraging, entertaining and coaxing with real words with real meaning in real sentences is how they acquire grammar, syntax, understanding and language. I CBA to go find the paper right now, but it revealed that children of articulate parents had about 5 or 6 million words spoken to them before starting Y1, and most were spoken to encourage. Children of less educated or impatient parents had only heard half as many words, and more of them would have been stop, no, or even worse. So yes, talking nonsense, then sense, then stories, the reading age-appropriate novels, is exactly what you and everyone else should be doing. Don't let your DH dominate this.

Millano · 16/12/2020 20:06

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@eckhart absolutely. Possibly that's why my dc are both Oxbridge. I thank my hv for telling me it was her job to make sure I spoke to my DS enough for him to develop speech. So I read him the Iliad and the Odyssey and nurtured a live of classics. He took a first in Classics from Oxford in 2017. Currently doing a PhD.

High standards beget high standards and don't include "butts".[/quote]
Surely you're parodying yourself here GrinGrin

OP posts:
ravenmum · 16/12/2020 20:06

In this example OP was not even really using baby talk - just a higher voice and repetition, but not saying "Oo is dat a bare buttibutt"?

I had no idea "butt" was considered crude - it's not in my active vocabulary at all, I'd think of it as an Americanism, but you hear it all the time on daytime soaps, don't you?

GabsAlot · 16/12/2020 20:06

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@eckhart absolutely. Possibly that's why my dc are both Oxbridge. I thank my hv for telling me it was her job to make sure I spoke to my DS enough for him to develop speech. So I read him the Iliad and the Odyssey and nurtured a live of classics. He took a first in Classics from Oxford in 2017. Currently doing a PhD.

High standards beget high standards and don't include "butts".[/quote]
is this for real

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