To leave one girls name off the team card?

[GinAtMerlottes]

DD (10) joined a sports team in September. There is 9 of them in the team and two or three who train with them but aren’t in the official team.
The coach is a volunteer and she puts in so so much effort with the girls and is just so lovely. The team in this iteration is new and this is her first year coaching also.

I sent a message to all the other parents to see if they wanted to contribute to a joint gift. Quite a few did so I set up a PayPal pool and set the amount for £10. In the end everyone contributed, and the training kids put in £5 and we got 100 odd quid. Bought some vouchers and am going to give them along with a card and wine tonight.

One set of parents didn’t respond at all to any messages about the present and didn’t mention it to me at training either. No problem at all but it does mean every others kids name is on the card but not theirs. They are very involved with the team and the sport so no doubt they’ve done their own thing or whatever but WIBU to leave this girls name off?

I also arrange the teacher collection at school and don’t set an amount for that and have just written “from class” in the cards regardless of who has actually contributed. But this is a sports team they elect to join so feels a bit different.

Small issue but preoccupying me this morning. I try and be very inclusive etc in everything and doesn’t sit well to leave off one name.

Sorry post kimchi

X post.

The thing is, it won’t be “just £10” either. Say you have 2 children, you could easily end up with 2 school teacher collections, one ballet teacher, one netball coach, one football coach, one karate teacher. If they all do a collection organised by someone who helpfully decides everyone should pay £10, then before you know it that’s £60 you have to find.

I note that you have just joined this term, you’ve organised the collection, told everyone they should pay £10, put all the names on the card yourself and plan to give it to the coach personally, just you and them. People will not like you. Including the coach.

The normal thing to do would be to write “from the team” (no idea why you would think that was “cringed”), and then get a couple of the children (not just your ownDC) to present it to the coach at the end of the last session.

I don’t know why you bothered posting this though, as you are not interested at all in what anyone else thinks.

This was once done when I was in Primary school and back then my mothers English wasn't good so she probably didn't understand that there was a gift collection for a teachers gift. Anyway, the teacher received the gift, the flowers and the massive card with everyone's name signed on it apart from mine. We were sitting on the carpet floor when our teacher opened the gift and thanked everyone. She hanged the card by the black board and I went to look at it at later on and it didn't have my name on it. Most of the class had signed it apart from me. I was really upset not to be included in it. When I went home I told my mum about it and she had no idea but it was pretty mortifying for me back then. I guess op has most likely understood what it could cause if she leaves one child out as the majority of the comments suggests a generic message that includes the whole team instead of individually naming each child whose parent/cared has contributed to the collection. Tbh though, £10 is a lot especially at these difficult times and maybe next time do the old school style with a massive brown envelope and loose change.

Here's a song for you, OP

m.youtube.com/watch?v=JmoG4JY_T58

@PullTheBricksDown

“I'm reflecting on how the thread is basically a parade of posters saying how nasty and spiteful OP is and finding other ways to speculate on how nasty a person she is, while bemoaning the lack of kindness and Christmas spirit on display. Hmm.”

Yes the irony is lost on them!

If I received a card with all but one name I would think it was a horrible thing to do and rather not receive a present.

If you're trying to done nice thing then do a NICE thing. Don't make it about how nice you all are for contributing.

@TrialOfStyle

@ rossclare do you also exclude a single child who has no choice as to whether she can contribute or not?

Also there’s something really bizarre about OP individually signing the children’s names on behalf of them. ‘The team’ or pass the card around to kids to sign so they are actually involved it much nicer.

I didn't need to make that decision as everyone either contributed or said they'd bought their own.

But it's the inference that every person that arranges the collection are doing it for the attention. May be some do. I don't. I do it so that our lovely teacher's get a great present.

In fact, i make a conscious effort to avoid the attention and took them in to the school today for the office staff to take around and 3 other children did the accompanying thank you cards, so they won't know if was me that did it.

So please don't lump all the collectors in as glory hundters

Do you want a flag for your virtue signalling or are you fine as you are?

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell

Do you want a flag for your virtue signalling or are you fine as you are?

Ohhh, flag please!!!!!

God I loathe these joint presents and suggested amounts - I have 3 DC so it’s not just £10 (frequently the requested amount), it’s £30 plus the requests for money for club leaders etc. It could well amount to nearly £100. You’d think we were relatively well off from the outside but actually we are on the bones of our arse and can barely afford presents for our own children. If you left my children’s names off I’d think you were awful but equally would not feel comfortable telling you we can’t afford it. And yes I know we can give separately but at my DC’s last school that was very much seen as not wanting to join in 🙄

That wasn’t for you rossclare.

@Wheresmykimchi

“You might feel comfortable to do that - there's a number of reasons for that that might not apply to the parent in this situation.”

I’m not entirely sure what you mean? Sorry I have only skim read it. I’m supposed to be wrapping but the thread is too entertaining!

I suppose part of being a parent and an adult is facing and dealing with difficult and uncomfortable situations, like this one.

Too slow with a mangled hand rossclare

@theThreeofWeevils

ha ha, that's brilliant!

@LittleTiger007

It’s the right decision. The children won’t see the card. The other family will have given their own separate gift.

This.

It really isn’t a big deal. It’s what has happened on both my class watsap groups. ( thank fuck I wasn’t dealing with it)

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell

Too slow with a mangled hand rossclare

Ouch, what did you do?

Disappointed about the flag - was hoping for a nice EU one!

I wouldn't put it in, I doubt the recipient will even notice or just assume it was an error. Its not a big deal either way though I don't think, but if you aren't comfortable then it's OK not to.

If I was the coach I’d think you’re a dick.
So would the teachers, coaches and other who work with children @Brieminewine. Still, better for them to get the heads up as soon as possible.

Rossclare

As much as I would like to say I sprained my fingers carrying a collection envelope () it is merely a nasty steam burn 🔥

We have just had the same thing with the teacher's Christmas collection, one child's parent didn't contribute so they didn't get added to the card. I think that's fair!

@Elfieishere

Oh. Hit a nerve did I. Yes I did 😂😂😂😂😂

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell

Rossclare

As much as I would like to say I sprained my fingers carrying a collection envelope () it is merely a nasty steam burn 🔥

Well i'm currently nursing my aching back from carrying all that glory!

Hope it doesn't get better in time for Christmas (so someone else can cook the turkey) x

You’ve asked WIBU to leave the girl’s name off, suggesting that this is what you want to do. That’s such a heartless thing to do. You have no idea about their financial situation or anything else about them.
Personally I wouldn’t want someone deciding for me that a present should be paid for by the group my child was involved with. I also wouldn’t want to be put under pressure (even if unspoken) to contribute. Many families are in financial turmoil at the moment. It seems tone deaf to ask for money from people in the current situation.