Urgent Help I don't know what to do AIBU?

[NamechangedforAIBU]

I've name changed because my post is very outing and I don't want my SIL who is on here and my best 2 friends in the entire world who know my username on here to find out.
So what do I do, AIBU or is it ok?
Please be gentle with me, I've been awake all night not sure what to do and written a list of the for's and against and since cannot decide.
I just cannot ask my family or my work colleagues I'm working from home and feel a bit distant from them all the closeness at work has gone and we haven't seen each other in months. I really cannot bear asking my 2 best friends they won't judge me but it will make a difference to our friendship.
So I'm at the mercy of MN. Yes I know some will flame and some will be cruel and mean but there are people on here that will also be kind and helpful so hoping that one of those can help me out?
Thanks in advance

I don't have children.

Why don't you adopt?

*I don't have children.

I do have to consider my fur babies feelings though and my 12 cats - what will they do if this comes out?*

I think you just outed yourself. You should report to MN and ask to remove post with a cryptic message.

Yes op. It does sound like you are pregnant, better do a test

Could it be the onset of the menopause?

@Alexandernevermind

I think I've had a sense of humour bypass this morning.

Have you rang 111? Do you need money sent to your PayPal account to get it treated?

Change your will, don't leave those ungrateful bellends a penny

There’s nothing wrong with earning your living as a sex worker, OP, I’m sure your SIL and two best friends will understand, and maybe want to work with you?
I cannot countenance your lack of regard for chocolate biscuits, though, that’s pretty weird. Do explore the biscuit isle more thoroughly, it may open you to a whole new world.🙂

Well when you do have kids remember that it's perfectly reasonable to make everyone wait to meet the baby until the 1st birthday party.

Why haven't you reported them to social services already?!
And call the police right now.
Also you should inform the school because it's not like they've got anything better to do than deal with anything that even slightly involves a child within around a 50 mile radius of their location.
Probably better call the NSPCC to be on the safe side too.

Try Brian from Hull.

I have just seen that you have cats. In which case you are being totally unreasonable in not posting any pictures of them!

OP Does your SIL know about the 12 fur babies - if so you've blown it.

I do have to consider my fur babies feelings though and my 12 cats - what will they do if this comes out?

But do you let them lick the plates in the dishwater, you filthy slattern?

Or is it 12 cats and an unknown number fur babies? Either way you've done it.

@efes

Do Euronics sell those types of products?

Yes. Have you not read 1001 uses for a hair dryer?

😵😵😵

This would all be better if you low-carbed and ran 10 miles a day

But you know that already

Have you considered taking in ironing?

Don't worry about it.One average sized chicken will feed all of you on Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Just make sure you boil some extra sprouts.

I think decluttering & zofloraing everything will help.

@LittleMissBrainy

I don't have children.

Why don't you adopt?

More to the point

WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING ON MUMSNET IF SHE DOESN'T HAVE CHILDREN?????

You should probably consider selling a kidney OP

@PoulePouletteEternellement

I don't have children.

Nevertheless I think you should accept Winchester. Eton is on a downward spiral and Harrow ...

Of course your friends are jealous. And your SIL is already spreading unsavoury rumours about where you got the money. Return all the presents you've bought for them and spend the money on extra tuition for your non-existent children. You'll thank me come Common Entrance time ...

I totally didn't realise that about Eton. My future genius is already on the list - note to cancel and swap to Winchester you say? Not keen on the University there though it take allsorts!

Diagram or it didn’t happen.

You shouldnt really have posted this, unless you earn a 6 figure salary and have more than 7 bathrooms .

He absolutely was totally out of order eating the last chocolate bar/slice of carrot cake/mince pie (delete as appropriate).
Leave the bastard now today, right this very moment!