MaxNormal
Oh god just divorce him. He's a selfish wanker.
This.
Women everywhere need to just stop putting up with men who behave like this.
I totally agree!
The reason men are continuing to pull shit like this and feel able to is unfortunately at least in part because certain women let them!
No it shouldn't be down to women to teach men how to behave decently but the truth is mothers spend more time with and have more influence on sons and wives with husbands. It's not right it's not fair but it's the truth.
I've been single better part of 18 years and it's a damn sight easier than putting up with crap like that! And that has included raising dd alone.
Stand your ground op he is being a selfish dick and in all likelihood he does know it but he's banking on you backing down first!
Not to mention what a shit husband and father he's been in previous years.
It's frowned upon on mn but it can be very effective IF safe for you to do:
1 losing ones shit when it's justified
2 going "on strike" when it's justified
This is absolutely one of those times!
I would be doing sod all for the entitled little twat!
Frankly if I were you I'd have lied and said the swim session WAS booked and the friend could only see you that day!
He's clearly got his own way on far too much for far too long!
I'm afraid you bear at least a little responsibility for this op as you really need to "start as you mean to go on" in a marriage.
Not why ex and I split but he tried on some entitled nonsense when we were very first married and I nipped it in the bud! He admitted he was trying his luck and got a bollocking from his parents as well as me
He doesn't see you as "deserving" down time I would find that a total turnoff.
How long have you been married and has he always been like this or has he sort of been like this and got worse?
And actually what you're describing isn't even a full day of personal time! Frankly he seems to see you as the family's and especially his personal servant!
If you’d talked to each other, you could probably both have the days out that you wanted.
I strongly suspect that's far from true! You're making the mistake of applying reasonable behaviour to an unreasonable person. He'd have completely bullied op out of the day altogether if he'd had the chance!
Does he realise how much childcare he would have to do if you divorced him?
This argument crops up a lot on mn when the fact is men like this are exactly the type to fuck off and completely abandon their kids (while lying and telling all and sundry 'my ex won't let me see my kids') and not paying maintenance which it is shockingly easy for them to do!
I very much doubt his selfishness is ONLY apparent at Christmas!
Are any of the presents you're Buying/ wrapping for him/his family?
If so I'd knock that on the head!
@Waspnest sadly I very much see it in real life as well as on mn. I don't understand it either I would not put up with it and neither would the majority of friends and family but a significant minority do - if only for a few years until divorce and then a lot of repressed annoyances tend to come out!
The problem with those suggesting you can change your plans-
I think those saying that are likely to be either
In similar unfair relationships
Possibly as selfish as the dh themselves.
We get a somewhat skewed view on mn plus...patriarchy...but there are women like this too. I know a few. The husbands literally do EVERYTHING and I don't just mean as much as women usually end up doing in relationships but literally everything! And the wives sulk/tantrum if they don't get their own way I've witnessed literal pulling out own hair and stamping feet in temper by these women, grown women and mothers shocking behaviour
Question is, did he actually have any plans before you mentioned you did or is he trying to prevent you going out at all?
I suspect this is a distinct possibility! Which is coercive control I think? The sulking is abusive behaviour too.
I am already in the process of getting ducks in a row.
Not at all surprised - get it sorted ASAP
Be prepared re my earlier comment he's exactly the type to abandon the kids and piss about over maintenance