Argh! Present from DM! AIBU?

[KangaRooMama]

I need some advice as I don’t know how to respond to this and don’t know if I’m overreacting. There is kinda two parts to it.

I got home this afternoon to a amazon parcel delivery from my DM. The parcel was addressed to DS name, my maiden name. This has upset me as this has never been, nor ever will be his name. I feel that this is blatant show of disrespect to me and DH and our marriage. I also feel that this disrespect is solely kept for us as DM would NEVER send a parcel addressed to DNephew, DSIL maiden name as that isn’t their name.

Additionally it actually said on the box what the contents of it was - the puppy toy in the picture. I have overtly said it that I do not like noisy, tacky, plastic toys like this on more than one occasion, but this is just ignored. Last Christmas DS was only about 7 weeks old and DM bought him the robot pictured. I cannot stand it and it hasn’t been played with in a year. This year I was determined to avoid this situation and made DS a fairly extensive Amazon wish list with various things at a range of prices for family to pick from. But again this has been ignored by DM.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people choosing something not from the list for DS, but feel that to choose a gift that is the exact kind of thing I have said I don’t like/want to be very disrespectful. This was on top of the disrespect I’d felt from the address label. So felt like a bit of a double whammy.

For clarity, if you have any of the toys pictured, and your kids enjoy them, that’s great, this is just my own personal choice.

Not sure the pictures worked so adding them again.

Nice one. Bingo.

Can you contact Amazon and get it returned? The name on it doesn’t match anyone living at your home so it must have been addressed incorrectly.

'Not known at this address' and return.

Not known at this address.

I think you're probably overreacting just a bit, sounds like there is a backstory with your relationship with your mum but buying your child a present that isn't to your exact taste isn't "disrespectful". You need to chill out a bit, in a couple of years your DS will be asking Santa for all kinds of plastic tat that you will hate but he will love.

They are appropriate toys for his age though 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Fe2O3Girl haha that's very tempting but I don't think I'd get away with that with my DM!

Just because you don't like those toys doesn't make them any less fun for a just turned 1 year old.

Could your mum have forgotten your married name or be so used to your maiden name she just made a mistake?

My parents have done this a couple of times by mistake. All their other grandchildren have their surname (my maiden name) so it’s easily done. It didn’t bother me at all!

@NeutralJanet your assumption that there is a backstory is 100% accurate.

Why would she do this?

I think you are over reacting over both matters. They look like cute presents and I expect they were well intentioned and not bought to “disrespect” you.

One year olds will love those toys. Let him have them. Also, my mum addressed my own present to my maiden name. She wasn’t disrespecting my DH, she just forgot. As did I the other week and signed the wrong name at work. I’ve been married for 10 years.

It's really hard to know without understanding what your DM is like. If my mum did this I'd just assume she wasn't thinking that carefully when typing in the name. Likewise my mum always bought loud annoying plastic toys I hated but that's just what grandparents do and she meant no harm. In your case I get the impression your DM has form for deliberately undermining your marriage so perhaps that's why you're reacting differently. The noisy toys I think is an over reaction just donate it after xmas or put it away in a cupboard and donate in 6 months if you really hate it.

Unless there is a huge backstory you sound like a bit of a nightmare.

I think you're over reacting, sorry.

My 13 month old DS has had these from almost birth (2nd hand from cousins and gift from nanny) he's just started to get into them and he loves them, your DS would probably get more out of them now.

Because I know that puppy toy, and the song it sings, I'd definitely either return it, or donate it and deny all knowledge.

You can't do anything about her choice of presents. At least it's safe and suitable for a baby! I suggest taking the batteries out. Or keep for regifting or give to charity. It is so nice when family do take notice of what you actually want, obviously it's their choice but why would they not want to give something the recipient will actually like?

my DS adored that puppy toy when he was that age, I think it would be widely considered a suitable present. But then I don't think trying to control what gifts our kids are given by others is beneficial - you mightn't choose it because it doesn't appeal to you, but maybe your LO will love it, and isn't it good for him to see other perspectives than yours sometimes ?

On the name thing, unless there's previous form for disrespecting your marriage, I wouldn't get in a flap over it

YABU. Someone who loves him bought your son a present which he will almost certainly like, and it's not good enough? You're coming across as snobby and ungrateful I'm afraid.

The name thing... Meh. Wouldn't bother me.

It does sound like a huge overreaction on your part, but it also sounds like you're looking for ways to be annoyed with her so I'm assuming the backstory is significant.

The toys are appropriate and they are for your DS not you, so this isn't a big deal imo. The name thing wouldn't especially bother me unless you've got reason to think she's doing it to make a point.

@Exploring I'm not sure if that comment helped but it did make me laugh!

The name thing would totally do my head in. However the present is not only age appropriate, but helpful for development at this age. You're overreacting on the toys. When you ds is old enough to request those things will you tell him no because they're not to your taste?