Argh! Present from DM! AIBU?

[KangaRooMama]

I need some advice as I don’t know how to respond to this and don’t know if I’m overreacting. There is kinda two parts to it.

I got home this afternoon to a amazon parcel delivery from my DM. The parcel was addressed to DS name, my maiden name. This has upset me as this has never been, nor ever will be his name. I feel that this is blatant show of disrespect to me and DH and our marriage. I also feel that this disrespect is solely kept for us as DM would NEVER send a parcel addressed to DNephew, DSIL maiden name as that isn’t their name.

Additionally it actually said on the box what the contents of it was - the puppy toy in the picture. I have overtly said it that I do not like noisy, tacky, plastic toys like this on more than one occasion, but this is just ignored. Last Christmas DS was only about 7 weeks old and DM bought him the robot pictured. I cannot stand it and it hasn’t been played with in a year. This year I was determined to avoid this situation and made DS a fairly extensive Amazon wish list with various things at a range of prices for family to pick from. But again this has been ignored by DM.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people choosing something not from the list for DS, but feel that to choose a gift that is the exact kind of thing I have said I don’t like/want to be very disrespectful. This was on top of the disrespect I’d felt from the address label. So felt like a bit of a double whammy.

For clarity, if you have any of the toys pictured, and your kids enjoy them, that’s great, this is just my own personal choice.

[quote KangaRooMama]@Fe2O3Girl haha that's very tempting but I don't think I'd get away with that with my DM! [/quote]
Yeah you will. You would just rather moan about it and let her continue to disrespect your dh, son and yourself.

What about what your child would like?

After all, it’s him that will be playing with the toys, so surely it’s more important that he likes them rather than you?

I think you are being over sensitive.
The name on the packaging is likely an error and even if it weren’t, I’d not care if it had wrong surname because in this day an age a child can have mothers maiden name, their fathers name, a different name altogether or a double barrelled both names. It’s hard to keep it all straight and remember who has what preference.
The toys are perfectly age appropriate and looking at them, I would not think of them as “tat”. You think you have described exactly what you don’t want to your DM but it is impossible for her to be a mind reader and know if a toy would be acceptable or not to you.
The fact she is sending regular Christmas presents to a grandchild shows she is making an effort towards being a decent grandmother. My DF never accepts my present suggestions and always selects something he thinks they will like. The result has been some really bad and really good presents over the years. But it’s the effort and thought that counts most.

Unless you advise the back story you sound unreasonable when youth potentially arent

I only wanted wooden, sustainable, scandi style toys for DD. MIL had other ideas. DD is currently pushing her pink Disney princess truck around the house. They love bright tat!

@SnackSizeRaisin
why would they not want to give something the recipient will actually like?

It looks to me in this case like that's exactly what she did. OP just isn't the intended recipient, which is why she hasn't received a gift that she would like.

If it had been my name, my maiden name, I coulda kinda understood that, as obviously that was my name for years, so could understand she could have written that without thinking. But there is no way she doesn't know my married name, or has forgotten it, so I feel that to address DS like that is absolutely deliberate.

Well you may not like the toy but does your son like it? Or will he? It is his present from his grandma after all, not yours.

Yes, the address label is annoying.

You do like hard work OP, just breathe it’s not that big a deal and not worth getting stressed over!

• sound like hard work

This is ALL about the backstory, because a wrong name and a toy for your son that isn't your taste are not issues in an otherwise good relationship. Focus on the dealing with the issues that have got you to here, because you'll regret making a big point of an address label and a plastic robot - they themselves aren't the problem and are just a symbol (to you) of everything that has come before.

Another one who's naice middle class child loved the fecking puppy I'm afraid OP

The name thing- I accidentally call my sisters kids her maiden name quite often.. like if they've got chocolate round their mouths I will say "classic Jones (maiden name) behaviour" rather than "classic Thomson (husband name)behaviour"

You're going to have to tell us the back story I'm afraid.

But the gift isn't about you, its about something your child may like and in my experience children like bright tat over tasteful toys.

However there is clearly a massive backstory so clearly you are not going to be happy with whatever she does.

Yabu. Sounds like you don’t like her and easily spark off at anything she does.

If you really don't like the toys you could just not play with them and let your son enjoy them

Why don't you ring her up and ask her why she has addressed it like that?

And charity shops love new toys by the way.

@Coffeehunter

If you really don't like the toys you could just not play with them and let your son enjoy them

I suspect the robot hasn't been played with because it is still in its box at the back of a cupboard. I know they don't look as good on your social media pics as some overpriced wooden rainbow does but this isn't about you - it's about your son and what he might like.

Maybe your mum did do this to piss you off. But tbh if you’re this uptight generally I can understand why. If I was the petty type I’d probably be inclined to do that same... Equally the singing puppy was a big hit with both of my babies so in that sense your mother chose well. The good news is they weren’t interested in it for long.

Just out of interest as I’m being nosy, what things were on the acceptable list?

The name thing's weird, but YABU if you don't let him have toys like that, he'll love it. It's not about what toys you like.

Of course the name thing is a deliberate attempt to get under your skin, why else do it. Whatever the back sorry is, say you had to return something to Amazon as a mistake as it arrived to someone not at your house, they must have mixed it with someone else’s order.

@Pixilicious

Unless there is a huge backstory you sound like a bit of a nightmare.

I agree.

Just let your kid have his toy.

What kind of toys did you have on his wishlist?

Can we see examples?

A grandmother bought an age appropriate toy for her grandchild God Forbid!!

The toy isn’t for you. It was bought for your son. He will probably love it. If not you could give it to a charity shop. Some child, somewhere, will like it.

Do you have a hissy fit if someone buys your DH something that you don’t like OP?

Need the back story I’m afraid. Going solely on the facts you’ve provided you’re being ungracious and over sensitive.
The robot is pretty cute...nice for a plastic toy.