Argh! Present from DM! AIBU?

[KangaRooMama]

I need some advice as I don’t know how to respond to this and don’t know if I’m overreacting. There is kinda two parts to it.

I got home this afternoon to a amazon parcel delivery from my DM. The parcel was addressed to DS name, my maiden name. This has upset me as this has never been, nor ever will be his name. I feel that this is blatant show of disrespect to me and DH and our marriage. I also feel that this disrespect is solely kept for us as DM would NEVER send a parcel addressed to DNephew, DSIL maiden name as that isn’t their name.

Additionally it actually said on the box what the contents of it was - the puppy toy in the picture. I have overtly said it that I do not like noisy, tacky, plastic toys like this on more than one occasion, but this is just ignored. Last Christmas DS was only about 7 weeks old and DM bought him the robot pictured. I cannot stand it and it hasn’t been played with in a year. This year I was determined to avoid this situation and made DS a fairly extensive Amazon wish list with various things at a range of prices for family to pick from. But again this has been ignored by DM.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people choosing something not from the list for DS, but feel that to choose a gift that is the exact kind of thing I have said I don’t like/want to be very disrespectful. This was on top of the disrespect I’d felt from the address label. So felt like a bit of a double whammy.

For clarity, if you have any of the toys pictured, and your kids enjoy them, that’s great, this is just my own personal choice.

Just give unwanted toys to the charity shop. I would pull her up on the name thing though.

At my wedding, I for some reason listed my 2 closest friends (who were both doing readings) by their maiden names, despite the fact they had been married for over two years each, with children, and i got on well with their hubbies/families etc! I was mortified when i noticed!!
Sometimes people just have a dingbat moment. If she repeats it, its a problem you need to address, but it could be a one-off so i'd just let it go or make a joke.
Oh, and send the toys with the kids to her house on the first available opportunity to play with, then accidentally leave them there...!! I did this regularly with MIL, was amazing how quickly she cottoned on...!

My mother did this when my children were born (she was still doing it when my second was born so she did it for 2.5yra at least). But she sent it to DS with my husbands surname. We have double barrelled our names and she knows it. All our correspondence has our double barrelled names and we have talked about it. She was divorced from my father but kept his surname for years after his death. She only really resorted to her name probably 15 years after his death. My DSis changed her name to my mother’s maiden name for unknown reasons and didn’t even bother to tell me. I love my father’s name and wouldn’t give it up for the world. It was a big thing for my husband to take my name it he got that it was part of my identity and I wouldn’t feel right leaving it behind. My mother hated that as she wants to (I think) wipe any memory of my father from the face of the earth. So when I got the gifts I felt like sending them back because that’s NOT my child’s name. Not my name. NOR my husbands name any more. Eventually after 2-3 years of sending her letters/gifts with ‘from ‘double barrelled name’ on the sender details she got it and now writes it in capitals, to make the point. I can feel the annoyance in her writing but it’s my name and she has to accept it.
IMO your annoyance about the gift stems from the annoyance about the name which h totally understand. Just tell her you don’t like those presents. But believe me you’re going to get so much stuff that you don’t like. Tacky plastic crap... and your kids will LOVE it and eventually you’re going to have to make your peace with it. It’s part and parcel of being a parent in this day and age.

Smallgoon-the name it was addressed to was deliberately intended to be malicious. Well possibly, or it could have been a mistake but then I haven't got the gift of discerning stranger's motivations and thoughts via the internet. OP , if it was malicious the best approach is to appear not to notice and grey rock her. If she does it again just say 'His name is xxxx, you keep forgetting". If she wants a reaction it is best not to give one. I still think YABVU about the toys.

I regularly received gifts with wrong names from my mother, we used to laugh about it and say it was her age. Now it's me, I send the wrong packages to the wrong child, label them with the dogs name, you name it, I've done it; but not on purpose.

As for the type of gift, does it really matter? Never forget that one man's tat is another's jewel. Far sadder in this whole tale is how important all of this I s . Be grateful that you have a Mum, there will be many young mum's in this group very isolated, without a Mum. You are coming across as very me, me, me, me!
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I really don't see s problem. Your Mum bought your child an age appropriate you. It is not for you so you don't have to like it, it is for your child. Addressing it to your son in the our maiden name is a bit odd, but maybe she forgot your married name or maybe just proud of grandchild and wanted to claim child as part of your family. Really not a big deal and something to laugh at rather than get annoyed. There are so many things to worry about this year I could not get upset of worked up over this. I hope your child enjoys his you from his Granma.

I think you're being unreasonable. As an outside observer- none of this is a big deal. I think you're just over sensitive/ maybe because of your DM's past disapproval you're now looking for problems. So you don't like the gift? It's not for you, it's for your child. I'm sure they will love it. Why don't you try and see? You can always take batteries out if you hate the noise it makes. Simples. However I think you'll find your child enjoys the 'action and consequence' and will learn from it. Don't be ungrateful. Your mum won't be around forever. I don't know how old your mum is but certainly for me she makes mistakes and forgets my married name A LOT! Also my maternal grandmother never acknowledged myself and full sister as hers, only my elders half sister and brother as she didn't believe in divorce. So please be grateful for the fact she cares. Not everyone does. I think you need to take a step back and look at it from further away.

My late MIL used to regularly give her daughter cheques with her maiden name on them. Often got grandchildren's names wrong. We just used to laugh about it, but I appreciate that your relationship with your mother is different.

I've bought one of those toys for my niece's baby boy for Xmas. I hope he'll love it.

PFB.

maybe she forgot your married name or maybe just proud of grandchild and wanted to claim child as part of your family

my toes are curling "wanted to claim child as part of your family"... errr.. he is 🙄. DM is just making a stupid point

My Grandma sends Christmas cards to "Mrs ExH name", despite me having being divorced for years, living with my partner and expecting a baby with him.

I have no idea why.

The robot perhaps not your choice can be recorded with a voice it’s actually v sweet . The puppy again both things are not major misses if you look up play value I prefer different toys but think your being a little unfair to micro manage every toy through your door . I’m not sure we are getting the full story about your name thing are you married to your new man has he adopted your child and she has sent the parcel in your single name ?

These are not presents for you, they are presents for your son. And they are not from you, they are from your mum. Has you son actually been allowed to play with the robot you hate? Or have you kept it in a drawer because you think it's tacky - like that means anything to a toddler.

As for the name, you are wildly overreacting to what may have been an innocent oversight.

If you really want to avoid being tacky then stop making Amazon lists and asking people to get your child (you, really) things from them. Nothing is tackier than telling someone what you want them to "give" you.

To be clear, I share your dislike of plastic electronic toys and always bought my own kids toys without batteries. But damn if my kids didn't love all that flashing, singing, beeping stuff that other people gave them.

Let your mother give your son something that he will probably love and leave them alone. It's her gift to him and her choice.

And brace yourself - remote control cars are coming soon for you and they are even more irritating.

Nothing wrong with those toys! Your poor mother! Fancy writing a gift list! 🤣is this your first child? It’s not your wedding day! Most of the fun is choosing presents for people/ children. If you don’t like, re gift,
I accidentally put my sisters maiden name on a sponsorship form- she doesn’t hate me, I’m just lucky I guess.

BloggersBlog, her surname was the same as my maiden name.
I wasn't married to my Partner.

Your dc might love the toy,it looks cute,why not let the dc choose it they want to play with it?
Speak to your dm about the label.

I take it your mum has an issue with your DH, given the surname issue?

The toys look fine, annoying tunes and plastic tat are catnip to a toddler!

Sounds like this is another example of bad behaviour from your DM that’s pushed you over the edge. You’re either going to have to take the bull by the horns and tackle the surname issue and the underlying problems or you’re going to go round in circles with petty annoyances and growing resentment.

It’s ironic that you call your mum a snob when you are being a snob about plastic toys. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree I guess.

Just as a side note, we all hate those toys, but they love them and I doubt toys like that cause speech delay which you have somewhat implied up thread. Just take the toy at face value, annoying fun for a baby. It doesn’t have to be anything more than that.

Those toys are quite nice, i had the puppy as a present for DS1. As i read your post I tought of some cheap/ugly/very noisy toys but seems your mum chose something most children would love
And a well known brand As for maiden name it could be a mistake, it happened to me as well when sent to another adress. Can't you just say "thank you mum, I don't really want any noise in my house but i am sure your grandson would love it!" Alt least she doesn't forget about him even if there is a backstory! Most women won't send anything in this case!

My son LOVED the bear. It's not tacky unless you're a bit of a snob IMO

Oh is it a puppy hha I thought was a bear for the last 2 years. Still, kids love it. Don't be a grinch

If your mum is trying to piss you off then reacting is what she is after. If you accept and ignore she might think twice about being childish in the future. In any event why let something like this get to you? Ignore it.

Op, you do understand that becayse a toy says words this does not mean you’re forbidden to then provide context and teach yourself right? It’s not one or the other? You can have both.

Try to calm yourself, it’s just a couple of fun toys.

@KangaRooMama sorry to be blunt, but IMO it feels like a dig at your husband/marriage, because it is. But do you know what? Its her problem, not yours. I have a toxic mother, and I don't let her get to me any more.
In respect to the toy, this may have been done deliberately too, esp if she knows you don't like them. (All mine had these, but they also had a mum that taught them, not the toy!)

[quote Funkyfriends]@Barmyfarmy what the frick has taste of music got to do with anything. I put up with this “shit” because I’m a mother, I don’t want to play with plastic things that make noise, but my DD enjoys playing with them and I’m not selfish and a dictator in my house that my family can only do the things that I want them to do.

Your comments quite frankly are laughable.[/quote]
My comment about taste in music was what's often referred to as 'sarcasm'.

Now who's comment is laughable?