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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m broody at age 47

241 replies

Blackcelebration12 · 15/12/2020 14:10

A friend of mine is pregnant with her first at the same age as my me (47) using donor eggs and it’s made me broody & longing for the baby/young kids phase again as mine are older.

It’s bonkers & selfish though right? I do feel too old but also feel like I’d like to do it all again. Maybe that broody feeling never leaves you does it?

In my rational moments, I really don’t want a teenager in my 60s as I don’t think it’s fair on the child. But then I see babies & get the longing.

Aibu to ask if any of you have felt like this? Talk me down- I know it’s perimenopause too & my ovaries giving it a last burst of broodiness.

OP posts:
CounsellorTroi · 15/12/2020 15:00

@needabus

I think I’ll be broody forever in a way I’m sick of it. Cant stop it Literally each time as I’m leaving hospital I’m looking forward to the next one I cannot stop 😱 I’m so tired but it drives me it’s a real problem and I seem to be ultra fertile so I can see myself with 10 dc 🤣🤣🤣
Try and think of it as an addiction and deal with it that way?
LifeAfterBreastCancer · 15/12/2020 15:01

Some really rude comments here.

OP I totally get it. I'm 45 and was diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago. It was utterly devastating as I'd hoped for another DC but had never managed a second pregnancy after our lovely DD who is now eleven. I assumed I was menopausal but had a period the other day and it got my mind whirring about it all again. I can't deny that it's a great sorrow to me and I feel very sad about missing out the big family that I had always dreamed of.

NeedToKnow101 · 15/12/2020 15:02

Are you mad OP?????

Lelophants · 15/12/2020 15:02

How do you feel about miscarriages and a child with serious disabilities?

I'm happy for your friend, but she really does have a tough time coming 🙈

tuttifuckinfruity · 15/12/2020 15:03

[quote Piwlyfbicsly]@tuttifuckinfruity
I agree! I remember myself desperately needing sleep and a minute for myself with my two babies (I had them just 18 months apart). It was incredibly difficult, and it seemed like every day lasted forever. However, now when they are school aged, all the baby struggles are forgotten and I blame myself for not being happy enough back then. Truth is, I wasn’t happy. I loved them to bits and will miss cuddles and kisses so much, but it was so difficult.[/quote]
@Piwlyfbicsly Yes, that's exactly it. I had a small age gap between mine too and I struggled. The sleep deprivation and the running between them was just so hard. And then the looking back and wishing I had just enjoyed it more.

I try not to be too hard on myself though; I think some people just enjoy it more than others due to the way they are. Some people also have easier babies. It is what it is I suppose.

I also have always worked. I haven't ever had the luxury of being able to devote myself to solely being a mum. I think that can add another layer of pressure to things.

needabus · 15/12/2020 15:03

Yes ! It is
I’m fighting it this time. I’m much more tired with this baby it must be an age thing (late 30s) I have to be careful though as all my family have v late menopause’s and babies have been born up till v late 40s so I think I’ll be battling this addiction for a few years yet but I do need to as I think I have enough now !

ktp100 · 15/12/2020 15:04

I don't think it ever stops.

I get a twinge every time I see a baby or even cute baby clothes.

It's how we're wired, unfortunately.

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 15/12/2020 15:05

I’m 50 and I get baby cuddles with friends kids and grandchildren, and I often babysit a friends 5 year old which I love, it’s nice to do all the fun bits, and it’s nice to hand them back, my sons 25, so one day I hope for grandchildren. I couldn’t imagine having a toddler full time at my age. Not saying it’s wrong though each to their own.

aintnothinbutagstring · 15/12/2020 15:05

No, don't get me wrong, I get broody but it is pure rose tinted nostalgia looking back at the DC being little. I'm too used to my unbroken 8hrs sleep and having a glass of wine whilst watching films with DH in the evening. Cooking a meal without a child hanging off my ankles. Or somebody crying, having a tantrum for something or nothing. Nevermind DH who constantly talks about 'when we are retired...' 20yrs too early at 44 Confused, he's got it all planned out, don't think a baby would fit well into that!
I think it's fine to acknowledge your broodiness, just enjoy your friends excitement, it's her first after all, and look forward to GC in the future!

scoobydoo1971 · 15/12/2020 15:07

You are not mad. It is the peri-menopause years. The hormone changes trick our brains into thinking we might just manage one more baby. The reality is that natural pregnancies are hard to achieve at our age, the risk to health for baby and mother is rather high, and the practical parenting role is harder when you are older. I had my last at 40, and I still have a primary age child as I am about to turn 50. That is hard work, and she has autism and dyspraxia which is no doubt linked to health problems arising from a later in life pregnancy and complex birth (sepsis). If I went back in time, I would still have my daughter but wouldn't have left it so late to start trying for a second baby. If you are broody, why not look into fostering?

tuttifuckinfruity · 15/12/2020 15:08

@ktp100

I don't think it ever stops.

I get a twinge every time I see a baby or even cute baby clothes.

It's how we're wired, unfortunately.

I'm not really a "baby person". Other people's babies do very little for me. Cute clothes don't particularly appeal to me either.

However, I do feel sad at every stage passed. Things like dummies, bibs, nappies.....whole supermarket aisles that I'll never have cause to go down again. No more In The Night Garden. Listening to colleagues etc chat about models of prams etc that I won't have heard of because things have moved on.

It's an incredibly all-consuming period of your life, and it goes so fast, and when you pass that stage I think it is all incredibly bittersweet. I suppose I do see the appeal of trying to cling onto it by having another one.

spiderlight · 15/12/2020 15:08

My mum had me at very nearly 47 - first/only child and a huge surprise, as they'd been trying for 14 years. She must have found it exhausting but she was a wonderful mother. Yes, there was the odd comment from other kids; yes, she was mistaken for my gran on many occasions. It did get her down (my dad was a year older and was less bothered by it). The difficult part for me is that I lost them both relatively young - my mum when I was 33 and my dad when I was 46. I'm 48 now and I'd love another baby but I know I wouldn't have the energy to cope.

ravenmum · 15/12/2020 15:09

I'm sure I'll love having grandchildren if the kids want any. But my own feelings of broodiness left long ago. At 51 I am still enjoying my newfound independence now the kids have flown the nest. Broke up with my exh at 45 and the one thing that made it slightly less shit was the fact that the kids were already 14 and 16, so much easier to look after for a few years as a single mum.

CatsRock · 15/12/2020 15:13

Yes you are BU. But it’s normal.

If you think about it, this feeling is what drives the overstepping of a lot of grandmothers - I gather having a grandchild brings all those feelings flooding back and as many of us have experienced many new grandmothers don’t seem to be able to rationalise and remember that it’s not their baby etc.

It also comes out from those you know less well. Older colleagues at work going all misty eyed when they hear you’re pregnant, strangers in the street or on the bus giving you unasked for advice about labour / breastfeeding/ sleep training.

These feeling drive those behaviours, and are easier to understand on that context

Original poster
Blackcelebration12 · 15/12/2020 15:13

@scoobydoo1971 I have thought about fostering funnily enough

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 15/12/2020 15:14

I’m 47 I understand what you are saying 🙈

Hard to have the feeling

CookieClub · 15/12/2020 15:21

I think, given that your youngest is only 8..then why not have a baby?? It's not like your children are in their 20s and you're considering starting again.

What does your husband think?? Would you regret never having another baby?

changingnamesandkeepingsane · 15/12/2020 15:22

I think you can remember the baby years fondly (through hindsight) and feel sad they are over. You can also be broody. They are different and neither are reasons to have another child. It needs to be a rational decision IMO.

oakleaffy · 15/12/2020 15:22

I wonder if those with big families are ''Baby addicts?''.. I am like this with a certain type of item I collect.. ''This will be the last''....then I see another, slightly different carving, different shape, and can't resist.

Maybe this is what baby collectors feel?

Silicone babies ...I saw a programme years ago called ''My fake baby''...Some of the baby collectors had real children, too, but were obsessed with the baby stage.
A silicone baby clearly fulfils the need in some women.
I like older children, not so keen on pregnancy..Yuck. Morning/all day sickness put me off doing it again.

YellowPostItPad · 15/12/2020 15:23

My neighbour in her 80s is broody. I don't think it ever goes.

PamDenick · 15/12/2020 15:23

We very very nearly thought about it during first lockdown...

So sympathy OP...

And I won’t tell you my age xxx

Viviennemary · 15/12/2020 15:26

47 is reaĺly just too old to even think about it. The chances of disabilities and complications are really high. Then all these heart breaking decisions to be made if things go wrong. That's my opinion.

Original poster
Blackcelebration12 · 15/12/2020 15:27

@CookieClub my OH is an absolute no way to any more kids! He’s already in his mid 50’s so it would be ridiculous & unfair on the child for sure!

Like someone said, I might think about fostering in a few years time. But I think I should just enjoy my own kids too! DS is 13 so actually needs me a lot at the moment emotionally too!

Am sure it will pass and I can go off travelling in my 50’s and have some freedom again- I really don’t want to be in my 60’s with a teenager!

OP posts:
VividImagination · 15/12/2020 15:27

I had ds3 at 42 after a large gap. Obviously I love him to bits and wouldn’t swap him for anything and I really enjoyed the baby stage but, if I had my time again knowing what I know now, I don’t think I would make the same decision.

JustDanceAddict · 15/12/2020 15:29

It’s bonkers! I’m slightly older but the idea of giving birth etc agsin fills me with dread 😆
I’m a bit nostalgic for the baby days, but I know in reality it was much harder work than having teens (with all the issues they bring).
I’m hoping that in 10-15 years I’ll have grandchildren and enjoy ‘baby days’ again.