To date when pregnant?

[frabbit]

I’m 15 weeks pregnant, single. Father of baby wants to be involved with baby but that’s as far as things go. We don’t see each other outside of scans and appointments, and we barely talk at the moment.

Would it be gross to consider dating? Not looking for financial support or a baby daddy, genuinely just missing the support and companionship, maybe even the attention, of a dating partner. Obviously would be taking things slow. I’ve been chatting to someone and he’s asked me out on a date. If I do go, do I tell him beforehand that I’m pregnant? Or wait to see how the date goes?

What’s the general consensus?

Honestly I’d take a break from men. Concentrate on your pregnancy.

@pisspants

OP you and your baby are so vulnerable now. I would work on building up your other support networks or trying to meet other single parents to be. Dating as a single parent is really hard let alone when you have a baby. I'd honestly forget about it for now if I were you.

This is good advice too OP.

*Man wants to date whilst ex/FB/ONS is pregnant with their kids.Man goes ahead and dates;I know at 3 women who have met their SO while their ex/FB/ONS were pregnant.

*Woman wants to date as single whilst pregnant:society=no,no,no,no,no,no.

Wheresmykimchi.English is not. My first language I hope your not a racist it is my view if she wants a friend fine no need to date why rush. Think about the babby

@happystone

Wheresmykimchi.English is not. My first language I hope your not a racist it is my view if she wants a friend fine no need to date why rush. Think about the babby

Probably could've said that without calling her a slapper couldn't you? You know, if you really didn't want to be nasty.

Which part of any of that is unusual?

It's not usual to have a child with a man you haven't been in a relationship with, no.

It happens, but it's not usual.

Unless two forms of contraception have failed for you, that's one thing (and ideally emergency contraception if the barrier method failed) .... If they haven't, you probably do need to take a step back from casual dating until you're sure you are in a place to protect yourself physically and emotionally. Not only that but protect your unborn child, and baby after they're born.
They need you as stable and focused as you can be.

I think you need to be able to give your focus to your new baby. In my experience, relationships take a backseat with a newborn and a new relationship would be unlikely to survive it- trying to nurture a new relationship and a new baby risks neither getting the attention it needs to thrive. It's s risk I wouldn't take with my own kid.

And yeah, it sucks that the baby's dad doesn't have this to consider, but that's biology for you. It's mighty unfair, but that's not the baby's fault and ultimately, it'd be the loser in this scenario.

@eeek88

Given that he is already informed of the situation regardng the baby, I think it will go one of several ways: 1) They have a few dates, enjoy each other's company and it fizzles out naturally. Not a problem. 2) They really click but when the baby comes along OP's priorities change and he is no longer top of the list so it fizzles out. Bit of a shame for him if he was expecting to remain the most interesting thing in her life, but not really a problem. 3) It turns into something serious and when the baby comes along he sticks around and makes a longer term commitment. It would be a shame to throw away an opportunity like this. 4) [flippant comment alert] She's a brazen hussey who just wants a man to carry her through her reckless decisions - in which case she'll get one anyway and it'll end in tears anyway so I don't see why she shouldn't crack on and let it all end in tears with this one 5) [flippant comment alert] He's a paedophilic predator* like all men and she definitely shouldn't let him near her child, born or unborn. In which case she either needs to remain single FOREVER or accept that her child is going to be horribly damaged by him. *Except that if he was a predator he would probably be targeting women that he already knew to be pregnant instead of wasting his time pursuing women that he believes to not be pregnant on the off-chance that they might turn out to be pregnant after all

If you want to meet him for a date go for it! Hope you have fun :)

🤣😂 spot on

Well, you can do what you like of course.

I'd worry that you're looking for security that you are unlikely to find and think being pregnant will magic up your knight in shining armour.

You've been single for 4 years, got pregnant by a man you were seeing 15 weeks ago who isn't interested and youre doing Internet dating and talking to a man who would hardly expect you to be pregnant - what's going to change? It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Maybe take things a bit slower

@happystone

Wheresmykimchi.English is not. My first language I hope your not a racist it is my view if she wants a friend fine no need to date why rush. Think about the babby

How strange that you’re nonetheless fluent in charming idioms like ‘slapped.’

OP, there’s nothing wrong with dating while pregnant. I suppose I’m wondering what you genuinely expect to get out of it, though. You talk about companionship and support, but tbh, many of my single, unpregnant, independent-minded female friends find dating tough, and that there’s a lot of frog-kissing and keeping your chin up after being ghosted by someone you thought liked you. Is a casual date really going to offer companionship and support, any more than you would get from your friends and family?

I have to say that if I were dating someone who was pregnant, I think I would feel as if she was about to go on a longterm job abroad, or otherwise embark on something that was going to take up all her attention and time.

@happystone

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What a typo. Definitely not the sexiest

Like what? Not a misogynist? Probably good not to pass that on to the next generation tbh.

Good call from PP about you saying it's your second language while you've had the inclination to learn the word slapper. Maybe words dripping in misogyny were your priority when learning.

I hope you teach your children to make a point without resorting to name calling. In their first response to a situation they don't agree with.

It sounds like you were casually dating when you fell pregnant OP, so I was going to say perhaps step away from that for a bit and concentrate on yourself and your pregnancy. However, from your updates it seems you no longer need advice and have made your mind up!

Fwiw, you're lucky to even feel like chatting men up, getting ready to go on a date and feel sexy/confident enough to shag a new man when pregnant! Some of us on these boards felt horrendous at 12 weeks pregnant. I looked like the walking dead and couldn't even look at coffee let alone drink it 😂

Just take care though, OP, keep your wits about you, there are some weirdos out there.

Op go for it date as Many men as possible play the field while you can.

@happystone

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*slapper

And the irony. Learn to make a point without name calling, that's what us grown ups do.

15 weeks even

Will people please knock it off with the “pregnant women are so vulnerable” comments. How utterly patronising. 🙄

@happystone

You may not like the word slapped but it’s used grow up

It’s an incredibly derogatory, sexist word, used to humiliate and subjugate women. Don’t use it. It’s nasty. Period.

I need to go to work in morning can’t be dealing with childish behaviour

**Man wants to date whilst ex/FB/ONS is pregnant with their kids.Man goes ahead and dates;I know at 3 women who have met their SO while their ex/FB/ONS were pregnant.

Woman wants to date as single whilst pregnant:society=no,no,no,no,no,no.

I wouldn't advise any woman I know to enter into a relationship with a man whose ex/fwb/ons is pregnant; messy as fk.

But for the sake of argument, it's not the bloke that'll be left literally holding the baby the vast majority of the time, is it.

@Bizawit

Will people please knock it off with the “pregnant women are so vulnerable” comments. How utterly patronising. 🙄

I dunno, there's an insane amount of hormones flooding a pregnant woman's body. Changes the way we respond to things, makes emotions run higher. I'd say it's a very emotionally vulnerable time.

@happystone

I need to go to work in morning can’t be dealing with childish behaviour

👍🏻 off you pop!

@FourPlatinumRings yeh but we’re still autonomous beings , capable of making our own decisions.

[quote BobsYerUnclee]@Bizawit

I don't mind dating. It's the casual sex aspect.

It's bloody rank to sleep with someone purely for a shag when you're carrying a child.

[/quote]
Op didn’t say she was looking for casual sex, she said she was looking for some companionship . But even if she were, I still don’t see what’s disgusting about having sex while pregnant? Being 15 weeks pregnant really doesn’t interfere with sex in any way.
According to this thread she should not be having sex or she’s disgusting and has no self respect , and she should not be looking for a meaningful relationship, because a) she’s pregnant and therefore far too foolish and emotional to cope, b) the man will molest the baby, c) she should stop being so selfish and get her priorities straight - once women have babies they aren’t supposed to have other human needs and wants! What kind of a mother is she planning to be anyway. Thank god for those 3 waves of feminism eh?