To date when pregnant?

[frabbit]

I’m 15 weeks pregnant, single. Father of baby wants to be involved with baby but that’s as far as things go. We don’t see each other outside of scans and appointments, and we barely talk at the moment.

Would it be gross to consider dating? Not looking for financial support or a baby daddy, genuinely just missing the support and companionship, maybe even the attention, of a dating partner. Obviously would be taking things slow. I’ve been chatting to someone and he’s asked me out on a date. If I do go, do I tell him beforehand that I’m pregnant? Or wait to see how the date goes?

What’s the general consensus?

Will people please knock it off with the “pregnant women are so vulnerable” comments. How utterly patronising. 🙄

Not sure if naive or obtuse.

If new bf/casual partner gives you a dose of hsv (which could happen even with condoms) non pregnant you has a painful fortnight and gets the privilege of taking anti virals everytime you feel a tingle perpetually, pregnant you could cause birth significant damage to you unborn child.

If new bf/casual partner turns out to be the lairy, aggressive, shovy type while drunk/arguing/whatever non pregnant you gets could end up with bruises or damage to only yourself; pregnant you could end up with your unborn child hurt by a fall, collision or impact.

Even in the mildest case of conflict with new bf/casual partner; your low mood/upset/stress would affect your ability to cope well with a baby.

Many unpleasant, abusive (in any number of ways) men see pregnant women and women with small children as vulnerable, even if they're not theirs. Working is not as easy, leaving their home is not as easy, getting rid of a man who is daddy or step daddy is not as easy emotionally as getting rid of a bf with no kids involved. Many women whose previous relationships have not worked out feel under huge pressure to prove the next relationship is good, they chose better this time etc and men know this.

Then there's the vulnerability of a small child, esp before they can speak well, to their mothers bf/partner .. in so many ways.

Sure there will always be the "X got into a relationship with a great guy while pregnant, he's wonderful, they're still together years later and he's been so good to child etc etc" but how many examples that are not like do you think there are?

I've been on make dominated fitness forums abd seen the opinions of women on dating sites pregnant (and even just opinions on single mum's) and it makes for disturbing reading.

In this situation, a time out seems like a much better idea for op a d he'd unborn childs welfare.

Congratulations !!! Now I miss my pregnancy again. Enjoy every moment of it.

OP you have already made your decision.
My advice. You need to be very careful of who you date. You say you have been single for 4 years. Why are you chiding you date now? Answer honestly.
Is it due to fear of being
I was pregnant and single. I was in a casual relationship with a relatively kind person. We had lots in common and became quite good friends.
After I told him I was pregnant, he was very scared( understandably) as he didn’t feel ready to become a dad then.
He wanted me to have an abortion and we even went to a clinic. I knew I wanted to keep the baby but decided to go as I wanted to know about my choices.

When I told him I was going to keep the baby, He was sad and didn’t call me for a month. I never called him and just waited. At that point, I knew I was probably going to raise my baby with no support so decided to focus on getting prepped for the baby by increasing my saving for later costs such as maternity pay, childcare pay for when I eventually returned to work etc.
I really loved just bonding with baby during pregnancy and reading on all things baby related. the last thing on my mind was dating. I personally would not do it.

He called me and we went shopping for baby clothes and slowly began to make more contact and discuss baby things.
I eventually met one of his mom and siblings.
Fast for to 3 years, have met all his family and we travel to visit my daughter’s other grandparents in his native country.
We support each other and most importantly, my child loves her daddy. I’m glad we made it work. For her.

It was hard and it it’s still hard but we have made it work- at least for now, I’m aware things will change with the addition of new partners.
My point is, focus on yourself and what you would like for your child once baby is born.
Be patient and kind to yourself.
Be honest with yourself re reasons for dating.
It’s ok to feel lonely on such a delicate time of your life but don’t let that cloud your judgment in decision making.

Re the father of your baby? Was he always like that?

I don’t think it’s sexist to dissuade a pregnant woman from dating. This does not mean one is encouraging an expectant dad to date. I wouldn’t as to me, urs irresponsible and risking another unplanned pregnancy .
A man can never experience what is like to be pregnant and therefore is in a completely different state of mind. a women it’s different. Your body goes through all the changes and the bond is different and way greater (IMO)
Just look at someone of the threads in here re fathers who walk away never to come back. Men and women and biologically different and theres nothing wrong with accepting the differences. Mothers have, especially after baby is born, a much bigger protective instinct than father do and therefore, we owe it to our unborn babies the duty to protect them. This is really not the time to date in my personal opinion.
Plus there’s also Covid, you could like date someone who could be dating others and increasing your risks.

IMO - most men (and even most women) who casually date aren't looking for companionship. They are looking for a shag. You might get the odd one who is interested in you as a person, but mostly... it's about casual sex. (which is fine, if that's what both parties are looking for). I honestly don't think you are going to find much companionship this way.

Bizawit nothing wrong with having sex when pregnant, most people do.having sex with a man who is not the child’s farther when pregnant is grim.if she wants to date and have sex wait until child is born. This is just safe and common sense why risk your and your unborn child health

can someone explain WHY sex with another man when pregnant is so awful? I don’t get all the pearl clutching? if it’s fine with one man (the baby’s father), why isn’t it fine with any man? other than misogyny of course

definitely not looking for an answer from you @happystone

Bazawit like you said once women have babies. When pregnant you don’t smoke drink take drugs or eat peanuts etc men can because a nanny is not in them why shag some man and risk the health of child and mother. The man will want to sleep with her it’s a date.

Nanny babby

Rookgizzardpie. you have to ask that question really

Whatever floats your boat.

I personally wouldn’t want to risk the health of my unborn baby. But that’s just me. Obviously not a problem to some women.

I honestly couldn’t have sex with someone whilst carrying another mans baby, yes I do think it’s nasty personally and I do judge it. I would wonder why someone can’t wait 9 months like are you that desperate for sex

Ffs focus on the baby and learn to love yourself first. You can always get some ‘companionship’ after it’s born.

Wrong dot com. It’s pretty relevant. Honesty is key though. If they’re cool they’re cool but yes mention it

Would be worried about someone who was cool though snd would think they’re dodgy if they were. You’d have be a madman to knowledgeably embark on dating an already pregnant lady

Happystone it’s icky and would just question their motives.

A sick pervert might be interested thought. Good sell I’m giving them is it?

It’s inappropriate to date persons not the baby’s biological father while expecting. That’s all that needs to be said.

@rookgizzardpie

can someone explain WHY sex with another man when pregnant is so awful? I don’t get all the pearl clutching? if it’s fine with one man (the baby’s father), why isn’t it fine with any man? other than misogyny of course

I think, reading responses upthread, people are concerned about STIs from a new partner impacting maternal, and thus foetal, health.

@Ericaequites

It’s inappropriate to date persons not the baby’s biological father while expecting. That’s all that needs to be said.

Here we go- “inappropriate” 😂 @Ericaequites has said it- this is the real reason people are telling OP she can’t date while preg. Not all this crap that he’ll have diseases and be abusive. Pure sexism : rooted in controlling women, their reproduction and their sexuality.

All these comments about how he’ll give her a disease are as ridiculous as the ones about how he’ll abuse the child. Just take precautions ffs. It’s not that difficult. We all do that in life anyway. I’ve managed to date for the last 20 years without picking up a disease.

I believe that one in three sexually active people have genital warts / HPV and many of them are asymptomatic. So, you don't actually know that you don't have it.

Anyway, I mentioned STIs, as a general point about dating, but I meant multiple guys. The op was adamant she didn't want a relationship and that she had needs. I assumed she meant casual hook ups. Which I would be against in pregnancy. Not because of impropriety, but because of science and statistics. If you have casual hook ups with multiple partners, your chances of picking something up are actually higher than you might think. And some of them are hard to protect against, such as HPV or herpes. It is a risk you can be willing to take yourself, but most pregnant women probably would be more risk averse when it comes to their baby. Hope that clarifies for you @Bizawit.

As it is, the op isn't talking about multiple sexual partners, or sexual partners at all, but that wasn't clear when I posted originally.

Not sure where the assumption is that I am against a relationship, or looking for hookups. I said casual dating because to me that means dating without huge expectations - I’m not on a husband hunt. I enjoy dating. Should I meet someone that I like, I’d be open to a relationship but all I meant was that I’m not desperately seeking one. I’ve been single for 4 years because I’m quite content on my own, however I have been dating in that time. I’m very fussy and won’t lower my standards just for the sake of being in a relationship, and that won’t change now. I would also be extremely cautious of sleeping with anyone at the moment, so if that were to happen it would be carefully considered. I won’t be sleeping with any guy that comes along who happens to show me attention, as some posters seem to think.

This thread is weird (as well as probably being a wind up)

It's like time has rewound by 9 months.

@AnyFucker not a wind up but thanks.

@LazyLucille

Why are people saying he might be predatory and targeting pregnant women, when he asked the OP out before knowing she was pregnant?

I don't see anything wrong with it OP, dating is fun and you might as well make the most of it whilst you still can. You have been open and honest, enjoy your freedom before it becomes nappies and night feeds and stitches and leaky breasts!

Not this man in particular, but a woman who is pregnant should be very cautious about dating as a man who is up for dating a woman who is pregnant could very well have strange motivation including but not limited to being a predator