To date when pregnant?

[frabbit]

I’m 15 weeks pregnant, single. Father of baby wants to be involved with baby but that’s as far as things go. We don’t see each other outside of scans and appointments, and we barely talk at the moment.

Would it be gross to consider dating? Not looking for financial support or a baby daddy, genuinely just missing the support and companionship, maybe even the attention, of a dating partner. Obviously would be taking things slow. I’ve been chatting to someone and he’s asked me out on a date. If I do go, do I tell him beforehand that I’m pregnant? Or wait to see how the date goes?

What’s the general consensus?

Dates

Bazawit thinks best to date when pregnant. To find the best men".......wtf can’t stop laughing 😊 love it.good to hear her mans not fussed iver match made in heven

@Bizawit you have been all over this thread like a fucking rash. Massively invested and goading other people with talk of your "good one ❤🦄💖🌟" husband, as if anyone who wouldn't be up for dating a pregnant woman is somehow a wrong 'un.

Yes, I am taking personally being called a misogynist absolutely, and especially since I only dared to say what is true about STIs. I was the first person to bring it up I think, so you didn't have to name me when you and others went off on one. If you look at my post, it was absolutely not judgemental. I was offering my advice on something practical, which struck me as something worth considering.

Actually, take personally is the wrong phrase. People like you having a low opinion of me won't cause me to lose any sleep. But I do have a tendency to want to correct people when they spout shit. And I also refuse to be lectured to by someone who truly believes that there is no chance they have an STI and that they are easily avoided. Spend any length of time in a GUM clinic and you will not be quite so cocksure.

STIs can affect pregnant women more severely. That is a fact. They can harm babies if their mother catches them while pregnant. That is a fact. I mean, you can talk about feelings all you like, and if it were based on feelings alone, then I would say do whatever the hell you like. But that isn't the way it works sadly.

True, if she was married, there is a chance that her DH would be unfaithful. But that is why people mainly tend to seek to know and trust someone before they have dcs with them. Obviously, not always possible. I doubt many couples, including you and 💖🦄❤🌟 don't use condoms at all times, just in case someone is being unfaithful. That's part of the trust you build in a relationship. This is why when people get a new partner they tend to have STI checks before having sex without condoms. At least by that stage, you tend to be fairly confident they haven't had another partner for some time. Of course there are no guarantees other than complete abstinence.

@Trickyboy you think apposing the GRA bolsters your credentials as a feminist.. 😂🤯.

It’s making more and more sense now- someone who is transphobic is exactly the sort of person who would be sexist and judgemental about other women’s choices.

@happystone I can't respond to your post because it's impossible to understand.

@GreenlandTheMovie don't be so obtuse. This thread is full of judgment against the OP for having a baby with someone she's not in a relationship with, outwith the whole dating issue. There's been plenty of judgmental mithering about how icky the idea of having a baby as a result of this is, lots of pearl clutching etc.

A lot of babies do happen as accidents. Back 60 or 70 years, those involved would be forced often fairly unwillingly into a shotgun wedding scenario. Even now people feel they have to feign a relationship rather than being judged.

And of course those who judge would be the same people who if OP didn't want to keep the baby and had been considering abortion would be saying 'oh well it's probably for the best in your situation, but if it was me I simply couldn't terminate a pregnancy'

@Bizawit
of course there’s nothing inherently wrong with not wanting to date a pregnant woman/ person with kids, I never said that. What is however wrong and unpleasant is : to call a pregnant woman nasty/ disgusting etc for dating; implying she is a diseased slut; saying she doesn’t care about her unborn child. That’s what I was objecting to.

Apologies- I got the wrong end of the stick- and thanks for clarifying.
Yes you are correct the OP is a single person and is free to date whoever she pleases.

Quite a lot of men are unfaithful whilst their wives or partners are pregnant, there's regularly threads about it on here.

[quote TheQueensGambit]@Bizawit you have been all over this thread like a fucking rash. Massively invested and goading other people with talk of your "good one ❤🦄💖🌟" husband, as if anyone who wouldn't be up for dating a pregnant woman is somehow a wrong 'un.

Yes, I am taking personally being called a misogynist absolutely, and especially since I only dared to say what is true about STIs. I was the first person to bring it up I think, so you didn't have to name me when you and others went off on one. If you look at my post, it was absolutely not judgemental. I was offering my advice on something practical, which struck me as something worth considering.

Actually, take personally is the wrong phrase. People like you having a low opinion of me won't cause me to lose any sleep. But I do have a tendency to want to correct people when they spout shit. And I also refuse to be lectured to by someone who truly believes that there is no chance they have an STI and that they are easily avoided. Spend any length of time in a GUM clinic and you will not be quite so cocksure.

STIs can affect pregnant women more severely. That is a fact. They can harm babies if their mother catches them while pregnant. That is a fact. I mean, you can talk about feelings all you like, and if it were based on feelings alone, then I would say do whatever the hell you like. But that isn't the way it works sadly.

True, if she was married, there is a chance that her DH would be unfaithful. But that is why people mainly tend to seek to know and trust someone before they have dcs with them. Obviously, not always possible. I doubt many couples, including you and 💖🦄❤🌟 don't use condoms at all times, just in case someone is being unfaithful. That's part of the trust you build in a relationship. This is why when people get a new partner they tend to have STI checks before having sex without condoms. At least by that stage, you tend to be fairly confident they haven't had another partner for some time. Of course there are no guarantees other than complete abstinence.[/quote]
Oh my gosh- I’ve done my best to build a bridge here- including apologising if I called you a misogynist/ misunderstood- which I’m not even clear I did?! If you are determined to continuing being upset - not much more I can say 🤷🏼‍♀️.
I’m interested in engaging on this thread and topic, I don’t think that means you have to call me a rash.
I mentioned my DP once because other people were talking about men who found it “nasty” and “disgusting” for a pregnant woman to date. I wanted to point out not all men are like that.
Anyways I don’t need to justify myself to you! If you don’t want to talk to me- don’t!

Well that escalated

Grenlei

I really don't think it is that common to have a baby with someone you havent been in a relationship with at all, who doesnt really want a baby.

Yes there will be a small number of one night stand accident but lots will choose emergency contraception or may terminate . It's not that bizarre that many of us have never come across this in RL.

I’ve got deja vu... I’m positive there was a thread a while back about this. Pretty much the same answers too.

OP if this is real. Do some work on why you feel you need male companionship. If work on the relationships you have with people around you right now that will help and support you through the pregnancy, Labour and the early months of having a new baby. That’s where to invest your feelings and time, not some bloke you’ve just met who could ghost you at any time - especially when you need support.

You’d be starting the friendship/companionship on the back foot as most men wouldn’t want to be saddled with a brand new baby from the get go.

@Bizawit, oh my gosh yourself. Your apology was very lukewarm. Sorry if you misunderstood .

I refuse to be lectured to on misogyny by someone who seemed to feel the need to defend the OP's honour, when I thought she might be interested I sex , then recruited in her husband to get a man's opinion, then came up with the phrase "diseased slut", because I had in good faith raised a genuine issue re STIs in pregnancy.

Oh.my.gosh 🥺🌟❤🦄💖.

@happystone

Bazawit thinks best to date when pregnant. To find the best men".......wtf can’t stop laughing 😊 love it.good to hear her mans not fussed iver match made in heven

I’m guessing you and I might be interested in very different sorts of men, given our different values. For example, I think it’s appalling that you would call someone a “slapper”, and I would never date a man who used that word. I also think it’s appalling to call another women “gross” and shame her because of who she chooses to date, and when. Again I would not be interested in dating a man who would behave in this way. You mentioned your colleagues said the thought of dating a pregnant woman was “nasty”, I find their attitudes unpleasant, misogynistic and ignorant and would never want to date a man like that. Hope that clarifies.

[quote TheQueensGambit]@Bizawit, oh my gosh yourself. Your apology was very lukewarm. Sorry if you misunderstood .

I refuse to be lectured to on misogyny by someone who seemed to feel the need to defend the OP's honour, when I thought she might be interested I sex , then recruited in her husband to get a man's opinion, then came up with the phrase "diseased slut", because I had in good faith raised a genuine issue re STIs in pregnancy.

Oh.my.gosh 🥺🌟❤🦄💖.[/quote]
Ok 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Thespidersweb should all the married/ LTR posters on this thread also do some work on why they need male companionship, or only the OP? Are you othering her because she is single, or single and pregnant?

the STD risk is a red herring. I’ve been having sex for 20 years and haven’t caught anything because I use condoms, it’s how they work. It’s a front for pure misogyny which is pretty fucking depressing

How is it misogynistic when men can get STIs from women just as easily?

Baziwit my work colleagues who are men gave there opinion.they would not want to date someone who was pregnant and would find it gross.there view. You most live in some bubble where anyone who has a different view you don’t talk to.most of society if being honest thinks it is gross haveing sex with different men when pregnant. I never called her gross I said gross having sex with different men when pregnant. She just wants to date men and have a coffee with them.

This is a joke isn't it? Do you honestly think you will meet a really nice, honest and decent man when you are pregnant with another man's child?
Personally I'd be more interesting in preparing for and caring for my child. When I was a pregnant single mum the very last thing on my mind was dating.
I hardly think a new man is going to stick around after the birth with an exhausted new mum and a baby screaming every 2 hours.

Just no OP. Not really the time to be dating is it. If you are going to though you should most definitely tell the other person.

@happystone

Baziwit my work colleagues who are men gave there opinion.they would not want to date someone who was pregnant and would find it gross.there view. You most live in some bubble where anyone who has a different view you don’t talk to.most of society if being honest thinks it is gross haveing sex with different men when pregnant. I never called her gross I said gross having sex with different men when pregnant. She just wants to date men and have a coffee with them.

again, why is it ‘gross’?

[quote Grenlei]@Thespidersweb should all the married/ LTR posters on this thread also do some work on why they need male companionship, or only the OP? Are you othering her because she is single, or single and pregnant?[/quote]
I’m going of my own experience when I was single and pregnant with my first. Physically and mentally I really struggled. It was also an incredibly lonely time, one in which I got let down by many people.

I’m trying to advise that in OP position she needs to be finding solid people to lean on - not hit the dating scene.

So although you’d love for me to have been coming from a misogynistic place, sorry dear - it’s lived experience.

[quote frabbit]@MinesAPintOfTea I don’t think it’s relevant to the situation, but for clarity I’m in Scotland and Tier 2 so allowed to meet in hospitality settings. He has suggested we meet for a coffee.

@CodenameVillanelle I’m not saying I want to start a relationship with the guy though. I’m just talking about generally dating, a bit of a social life, some companionship. And if it does, obviously things would have to be adjusted when baby arrives. But for now, I don’t see why it matters.[/quote]
Maybe I'm not getting this because my friendship group is pretty 50/50 but what does 'generally dating' mean when not looking for a relationship?

I don't understand why you wouldn't just try and see friends more or look for future friendships, you are going to have a baby in 6 months and that's a life changing moment that a lot of people in long committed relationships struggle to make work. I don't know why you would even put yourself in the position of having to make that decision. Madness.