For those of you that are deciding to stay childfree....

[lala2221]

Do you feel guilty at all? For not following social norms? For not giving your parents the chance to be grandparents etc?

Guilty? No.
I do not believe my parents (or anyone) is entitled to become grandparents.

I do wish i knew more other childfree people.
And that there weren’t any of this ”you’ll change your mind, everyone wants kids etc.” crap.
People should be more open-minded.

Yes I wish I knew more childfree people too.

No, not at all. It isn't a virtue to follow social norms. My parents have never expressed any desire to be grandparents. Obviously, I don't know what sort of grandparents they'd have made but before their health deteriorated, they very much did their own thing in retirement - lots of holidays and so on - I never formed the impression they were waiting around for the chance to babysit or anything.

People choose to have children because they want them - which is absolutely fine, but don't let's pretend they are doing an overpopulated world a favour by doing do.

God no, no guilt at all. Told my partner that I would rather foster or adopt to be honest, as the world is going to be screwed enough as it is, why bring another life into it when there are loads of kids looking for stable homes? I think we could provide that, not right now, but in a few years.

Not one iota of guilt.

I feel a bit sad for my mum as all her friends are grandparents and me and my sister are both child free by choice. I’m sure she’d make a lovely grandmother. But I can’t have a child just for her!

I love being childfree. I can do exactly what I like. Parents don't mind they just want me to be happy.

My friend's parents on the other hand

I wonder if this is a demographic thing? I have literally not once in my entire life felt any societal pressure or expectation whatsoever to have children, and I'm usually the kind of person to take things to heart so I would definitely have felt even the tiniest whiff of judgement.

Don't feel one bit guilty. If my parents wanted any chance of grandchildren they should have had more than one child themselves at least. Not my problem!

My group of closest friends are all child free and so are we - all through choice.

I do wonder sometimes what it will be like getting older and not having the sort of relationship I have with my mum but it's not enough to make us want children.

We do understand that we will have to make sure we work hard on our friendships but everyone should do that anyway.

Also I'd add that I love children but just don't want my own.

Nothing to feel guilty about. Don't care about social norms, and it's my life - not my parents. I'm not going to have a child just so they can have a grandchild. Perfectly happy with mine and DH's childfree life.

Sometimes maybe a little. But not really. My parents are in their 60s and have hugely busy lives. My mum is a writer and lecturer, and my dad is an economist. They are still working long hours and they both love their work. When they arent working they are travelling discovering new places. Recently they bought an old house and have been pouring heart and soul into doing it up. I'm happy for them that they finally got to live in the house they had always imagined.

I'm very close to my mum but 9 times out of 10 when i call her she answers saying "Yes CrotchBurn, is it urgent?" Shes normally on the road heading somewhere!

During the conversation she'll then relax and we'll have a chat for an hour or two. Then she'll be off again, as she has something to be getting on with.

Consequently I never felt like my parents were just hanging around waiting to fill a void by being grandparents. I think they would love to have grandkids, but its not that big a deal to them. They are driven and still have life goals they want to fulfil. I really look up to them still. I'm happy I have a mum who is a woman first and my mother second.

They had three children, and all three of us live in different countries and continents, maybe because that's how we grew up, always moving around.

I love my parents so much and will forever be grateful to them. They always made sure that we understood that they expected nothing of us but to live up to our own personal potential. We were always encouraged to go off and live our lives. They encouraged us to leave the country and explore, to go to university if we liked, to not if we didnt, to be who we wanted. I'm glad they never made us feel guilty for leaving, or for not having children, or anything. They never gave us any money either. If ever we were homeless we could go and live with them of course, but they never helped us with house deposits or gifts of cash or anything. It's only now that I realise I'm grateful for that too.

Now none of the three of us siblings have kids. Sometimes I think its maybe a bit sad. But we are who we are.

Why on earth would you feel guilty about choosing to be child-free? No one is owed grandchildren. Anyone who felt they were is probably a bad grandparent.

Not having children is by far the least selfish option. I can't imagine why on earth that would even cross your mind tbh.

People do have children to fulfil social norms, its true, and that's also a terrible reason to have children. The more people followed their instincts and the less they listened to these "social norms" the healthier we as a society would be.

I'm not child-free and I don't regret having a child but I'm very conscious of how having a child has limited me in so many ways and I think you can have a glorious life without children.

Not even slightly. I genuinely don't understand why I would.

I feel a little bit guilty, as my parents would be fantastic grandparents. The guilt is entirely of my own making though, as they have never laid any expectations on me. It’s not a good reason to have kids though. I’ve known since I was a child myself that I wouldn’t have any- in my 40s now and never regretted that decision.

Nope, I loved being child free , it was my life choice. I did have a surprise unplanned pregnancy at 38 and totally love my 6 year old but would still be happily child free and loving it !
I always found it was more of an issue for other people than me, usually they were jealous of my lifestyle it was very obvious.
I didnt think about it , I was just me living my best life in a career I loved .I never thought of myself or defined myself as childless/ childfree.

Guilty? No. A bit sad though for my parents as I lived the closest and know they would have been wonderful and involved grandparents.

I decided in a sexual education class that no way was I having children at about 14. I am 35 and even if I met the most understanding and perfect man I wouldn't want to get pregnant. I am not anti-children in the slightest. I love my Nephew and my friends have kids who are cute and typical kids. I just feel more at peace with animals in general and hope to have more pets one day.

My parents are already grandparents because my older brother has kids, so no guilt there. Besides, we live hundreds of miles away from each other so even if I did have children they wouldn’t see them often. Society? None of their business.

Where I do feel a twinge of regret is for social circles I’ll never have. I go to church, the mums all stick together and don’t talk to anyone else. We’re the only child free couple and I feel like we don’t fit (leaving as soon as CV allows change to be easier). If we had kids I’d know more people locally, I know very few at the moment in our area.

Not enough to change my mind though.

Why should I feel guilty? I feel liberated having made this choice. I am getting sterilised next year and I am counting down the days to my operation as if I were going to Disneyworld. My brother has had children, so my Mum has grandkids through him, so there is zero pressure on me. I will just carry on being the fun Auntie. Never wanted children and have zero interest in them. Never felt any pangs to have one or felt 'broody'. Besides, my Mum has never pressured me into 'giving' her grandchildren. It's not something that should be expected of someone, regardless of whether society says so or not. It is a massive life decision which these days is done without a second thought. Anyone who does it, I tip my hat to you, but it simply is not for me. I like not being tied down, I enjoy sleeping, I like having money to spend on my partner and going on nice trips. Definitely not missing out, no matter how much parents will try and convince me.

No way would I be having a child just so my mum and dad could see them once a week or so. I'd be a terrible mother, I'm not maternal in the least.

No guilt at all. I have a few childfree friends - am mid 30s and definitely there is a clustering of people around children or new children.

I wish people would stop expecting I will change my mind though.

Guilty? Why?

Disclaimer: I do have one child, but most definitely not because I was following societal norms. I always thought I'd never, ever want children. Then at around 35 a totally unexpected biological drive hit and here they are! I love DC with a passion but cannot say I was a natural mother - just as I suspected I wouldn't. It wasn't an easy road and for years I often regretted that decision.

I have 4 children, my sister has none and we joke that I had her share too. Mine are grown up now, one has children, two want children and the other doesnt want them at all. I respect my sisters wishes not to have any and do the same with my own child who has made the same decision. People live thier lives the way they wish and it is none of my business.

Not at all. I'm now 62, we were mortgage free in 2000 and were able to give up our jobs and travel 13 years ago.

I knew that having kids was not for me.