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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be upset by a 4 year old note

154 replies

soopedup · 12/12/2020 20:32

AIBU? Would you be upset at finding a note from your partner/OH calling you a “crazy psycho”?
We’ve got a huge and heavy fridge/freezer which is set inside a kitchen unit. It’s impossible for me to move alone. Today my kids were playing and threw something in the air and it went down the back of the fridge freezer. Long story short, my DH moved it out. Retrieved thing. Enough space for youngest to crawl behind. While he was there I gave him a dustpan and asked him to clean up all the fluff etc. No problem. My DH remarks that he cleans behind the fridge every year. Next thing he comes out clutching a note written to me by my husband dated 4 years ago. It says “you should clean behind me more. Love you crazy psycho” it was read out in front of the kids. He immediately apologised and said “hope you take it for the joke it was meant”. I’m actually feeling really down about it. I don’t leave notes when I clean the downstairs loo (even though I rarely use it) every few days of other people’s poop stains. I just find this a bit strange and I don’t know what to make of it. There’s a history of him calling me psycho when we argue. It’s his go to. The fact the kids heard it has made me deflated. I’ve accepted his apology but I’m just so down about it. I’d like others opinions on this please so I can work out if I’m BU to feel weird about it.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 12/12/2020 20:35

Umm he is the one who said he cleans behind it so is he calling himself a psycho

soopedup · 12/12/2020 20:35

Hoping this doesn’t get lost as the board seems really busy tonight

OP posts:
soopedup · 12/12/2020 20:36

No. The note was addressed to me by name

OP posts:
soopedup · 12/12/2020 20:37

He doesn’t deny he wrote it to me and says he can’t remember now why he wrote it. There’s a history of passive aggressive remarks/behaviour.

OP posts:
CrazyToast · 12/12/2020 20:52

I wouldnt just based on what you said but it seems like there is some context behind it and it might not have just been an affectionate dig?

BaubleBubble · 12/12/2020 20:56

Sounds like a fire hazard (misses point of thread).

BigBaublesGalore · 12/12/2020 20:59

Yeah I can see why you'd think that was passive aggressive... like a snide comment laying in wait for you for four years... I think I'd feel deflated too

lunalulu · 12/12/2020 20:59

Well I guess there must be some context. Why would he call you that?

But he did say love you.

I think it was supposed to be a joke?

sophiestew · 12/12/2020 21:02

I wouldn't take offence at this.

What is your relationship like outside of this incident?

soopedup · 12/12/2020 21:03

I have no idea and as it was written 4 years ago, how do I defend myself against the crazy psycho dig? That’s not affectionate banter is it? It doesn’t endear him to me to be honest. The first bit of the note could be a joke but together it’s not is it. Plus I can’t get behind there on my own and if he does, as he says, clean behind it every year then he’s seen that note and left it all those years since? For context, I’ve asked half a dozen friends today and none of them clean behind their fridge/freezer.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 12/12/2020 21:04

Honestly, I’d find it funny.

soopedup · 12/12/2020 21:04

@sophiestew it’s not been great to be honest. You wouldn’t take offence at the psycho comment?

OP posts:
MawkishHawk · 12/12/2020 21:05

Does he think he’s using “crazy psycho” as an affectionate pet name for you?

soopedup · 12/12/2020 21:05

@CinnabarRed really? You wouldn’t find it weird that somebody had thought to write a note and put it behind the fridge?

OP posts:
soopedup · 12/12/2020 21:06

@MawkishHawk I don’t see how. Its not something that’s regularly used as affectionate banter

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 12/12/2020 21:07

No, I wouldn’t think it was weird. I’d find it quirky and clever and funny.

soopedup · 12/12/2020 21:07

I’m feeling like it’s a put down

OP posts:
eaglejulesk · 12/12/2020 21:07

A joke surely - similar to people writing "clean me" on a dirty car. I couldn't get upset about being called a crazy psycho either. WTF has happened to having a sense of humour? Sometimes MN makes me wonder if the whole world has gone mad.

soopedup · 12/12/2020 21:08

The note sure but you’d find it clever to be called crazy psycho? Ok. Well I guess that’s not offensive terminology then

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 12/12/2020 21:09

I’d take it as affectionate, especially after the “Love you”.

Tanith · 12/12/2020 21:09

Tear up the note.
Put it in the bin.
Forget about it.

Sparklfairy · 12/12/2020 21:09

I'd be smug and tell him it's clearly proof he doesn't clean behind there every year as he claims!

ArosAdraDrosDolig · 12/12/2020 21:09

I wouldn’t like it

soopedup · 12/12/2020 21:10

Because I’m a well educated, compassionate, kind, sensible person who prides myself on being well thought out and fair. I have training in finances and law and don’t think crazy psycho is a fair representation of me in front of my kids

OP posts:
saraclara · 12/12/2020 21:12

I'd think it was funny and affectionate too. And I'd laugh and join in by mocking myself too.

I keep reading it and can't find any way to read it as an insult. It was a joke and he loves you.

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