to be upset by a 4 year old note

[soopedup]

AIBU? Would you be upset at finding a note from your partner/OH calling you a “crazy psycho”?
We’ve got a huge and heavy fridge/freezer which is set inside a kitchen unit. It’s impossible for me to move alone. Today my kids were playing and threw something in the air and it went down the back of the fridge freezer. Long story short, my DH moved it out. Retrieved thing. Enough space for youngest to crawl behind. While he was there I gave him a dustpan and asked him to clean up all the fluff etc. No problem. My DH remarks that he cleans behind the fridge every year. Next thing he comes out clutching a note written to me by my husband dated 4 years ago. It says “you should clean behind me more. Love you crazy psycho” it was read out in front of the kids. He immediately apologised and said “hope you take it for the joke it was meant”. I’m actually feeling really down about it. I don’t leave notes when I clean the downstairs loo (even though I rarely use it) every few days of other people’s poop stains. I just find this a bit strange and I don’t know what to make of it. There’s a history of him calling me psycho when we argue. It’s his go to. The fact the kids heard it has made me deflated. I’ve accepted his apology but I’m just so down about it. I’d like others opinions on this please so I can work out if I’m BU to feel weird about it.

I wouldn't be so bothered by it.

But as everyone else said, it depends on your relationship with your husband. You mentioned you are going to counselling for self-esteem and confidence. Perhaps there is a part of you that believes you are a psycho or that something is wrong with you. Perhaps you are trying too hard to be perfect (well educated, well-spoken, very "proper" and fair etc). That's why it's bothering you so much. Perhaps you are feeling like you are trying so hard, yet you are still being called a psycho. Nothing wrong with being a bit edgy OP! You are good enough! If you believe that yourself, a comment/note like that will not hurt you. I agree with everyone else, there must be some underlying issues. Did you feel good enough as a child? Did anyone else you cared about ever call you a "psycho"? What is a "crazy psycho" to you? Does your husband make you feel loved in your relationship? Does he put you down? Perhaps you can explore this in your counselling sessions. The note itself is not the problem. All the best to you!

Would be funny to me, and sort of cute that he thought ahead, crazy phycho wouldn't bother me, I'd do something back for him, make a game of it.

@emilyfrost

YABU. You’re taking this way too personally; it’s a funny, sweet joke.

Really?

Reading all these replies I'm pleased atleast that I have better standards when it comes to sweetness and inside jokes. But also sad that the bar is generally so low with the modern "coool woman" of which I am technically in the age group of. Guess I am just very lucky to.be able to maintain decency without being scared of being mocked for not "lightening up". Must be a very dark world you live in to find such base, edgy "shock value" humour as the epitome of love.

And everyone saying that the OP is overreacting and that "there must be more to it".... No shit! It was explained in the very first post about the fights.

Honestly, writing a petty note seems like something I might do in the heat of the moment, when I was angry at my husband. It's immature, but it's a way to let off steam, and when I'm really frustrated, I don't care if I'm being immature. It wouldn't mean I didn't love my husband, and I'd go back and throw away the note after I'd cooled down, if he hadn't already seen it (and if I thought about it). Most likely, your husband forgot it was there.

That said, I wouldn't find it funny, especially since moving the fridge is not something you can do easily on your own. The fact that he used a name for you that he uses when the two of you argue is another tick against him.

Still, I'd probably try not to make too much of it, if things aren't generally bad. It's years old, and I doubt he remembered the note was even there. Only you know how things are between you, and everyone has their own limits and triggers. If you've told him that being called a "crazy psycho" really bothers you and he still does it, that would hurt more than the name itself.