to be upset by a 4 year old note

[soopedup]

AIBU? Would you be upset at finding a note from your partner/OH calling you a “crazy psycho”?
We’ve got a huge and heavy fridge/freezer which is set inside a kitchen unit. It’s impossible for me to move alone. Today my kids were playing and threw something in the air and it went down the back of the fridge freezer. Long story short, my DH moved it out. Retrieved thing. Enough space for youngest to crawl behind. While he was there I gave him a dustpan and asked him to clean up all the fluff etc. No problem. My DH remarks that he cleans behind the fridge every year. Next thing he comes out clutching a note written to me by my husband dated 4 years ago. It says “you should clean behind me more. Love you crazy psycho” it was read out in front of the kids. He immediately apologised and said “hope you take it for the joke it was meant”. I’m actually feeling really down about it. I don’t leave notes when I clean the downstairs loo (even though I rarely use it) every few days of other people’s poop stains. I just find this a bit strange and I don’t know what to make of it. There’s a history of him calling me psycho when we argue. It’s his go to. The fact the kids heard it has made me deflated. I’ve accepted his apology but I’m just so down about it. I’d like others opinions on this please so I can work out if I’m BU to feel weird about it.

I would find a note telling you to clean behind there very passive aggressive. I also don't see how not cleaning behind there makes you a 'crazy psycho'. And no I don't find being called a 'crazy psycho' funny because I have been psychopathic and it is no joke!

You sound like a kind compassionate person who lacks a sense of humour.

It’s a joke, I think you’re being over sensitive.
FWIW I don’t clean behind the fridge unless we’re moving house

I’ll be honest, I don’t think I’m hard work at all

Going by your responses on this thread, I'm not sure you have the self awareness to recognise it if you were. 🤷‍♀️

@CinnabarRed

Honestly, I’d find it funny.

On MN having a sense of humour, especially in a normal relationship, is almost unknown! Some of the things we said to each other over our 50 year marriage would have made your blood pressure soar.

Honestly it's not worth it. I have learnt in marriage and life there are arguments that are worth your energy and there are ones that aren't. Show your children that you are bigger than that, give them a good example of how you are not a crazy psycho and let it go. Focus on what's important and if the note is 4 years old then your husband hasn't done a good job of cleaning behind that fridge lol x

Is there any fun in your relationship at all? To be this upset about something 4 years ago is such an over reaction. Maybe 4 years ago you were a different person who would have taken it differently? Maybe if you had read it last week or tomorrow you may have taken it differently. It doesn’t sound like he went out of his way to hurt you. You have the choice about how you react to it.

OP, I think you are being hugely over sensitive. It’s just a joke. He’s not putting a note there as some sort of hideous marital test, it’s not about you not doing the same thing. It’s a jokey note. Your children don’t now have no respect for you because of a joke note read out. You’re being really strange about this.

BUT your relationship isn’t great so I can see why you’re taking this the wrong way, but not to the extent you are.

I thought your 4 year old wrote a note. Which would be impressive.

But as it's your H, I'd just move on

It was as though the fridge was calling you that name. However, yes it was a shit joke and would make you feel underappreciated. On top of that, how can you be expected to move a heavy fridge. I would be tempted to leave a few if your own notes to be honest.

Meh, couldn't get bothered about it. I'd probably laugh, call DH a cheeky bugger and that would be it

@soopedup

Because I’m a well educated, compassionate, kind, sensible person who prides myself on being well thought out and fair. I have training in finances and law and don’t think crazy psycho is a fair representation of me in front of my kids

Very similar to you. Every slight disagreement OH and I have, he calls me crazy or mad, even in front of DC. I know I should LTB.

There’s a history of him calling me psycho when we argue. It’s his go to.

I think that's the bit that jumps out to me. That there is a history of him using this insult to undermine you in arguments. Otherwise I'd probably find it quite funny. Is something he routinely calls you when you argue or is it once in a very blue moon?

Any tips for relocating?

@Sp3849 Maybe relocate your post so its own thread?

@Sp3849

Any tips for relocating? Me and my husband are relocating too Ceredigion from South Wales with his work. Children age 9 and 14 are starting a bilingual school (cannot speak any wlesh at all yet) will go. Into the English taught part of it apparently. I need too find a job we all need too make friends find clubs and basically start again. Very worried about kids settling. Especially as 14 year old has aspergers/ asd. Any tips, info or anything that is of help really?

⬆️WTF is this shit????⬆️

OP, sorry but it’s coming across like you’re having a pity party and you’re hoping the MN jury will tell you there’s something seriously wrong with your husband and you need to LTB.

So you ask for opinions as to whether the note is offensive or not but you have already made your mind up. Why did you ask?

So sorry I am new and thought I had created my own thread. Now I can't work out how too delete that

It all depends on your relationship with your husband. Someone manipulative and nasty might say that, as might someone who's a bit of a joker. It's hard for me to say which he is. However, you are having therapy for your self esteem so it sounds as though he's the former.

What's he like normally?

Also, do you both go to work?

@Sp3849

So sorry I am new and thought I had created my own thread. Now I can't work out how too delete that

You're okay @Sp3849, it's easily done. If you're on the app, swipe left on your post and report it to MN. They'll sort if for you, and should be able to help you start a new thread too!

It's a lighthearted joke. If my husband left me this note I'd laugh and give him a hug. Not that he would, as neither of us cleans behind the fridge/freezer.

You do sound extremely hard work. Your response and your replies on this thread are very... intense.

How do you know it was a 4 year old note? Did he date it?
#missespointofthread

It depends on your relationship with him, it could be sweet, because it does say "love you". Honestly if my DP wrote that I'd be fine with it.