Ex wife’s mother and her fucking card

[Nicholashaslosthisknickers]

Afternoon wise Mumsnetters,

This isn’t a huge issue but one I thought I’d seek your opinions on in a light hearted way.

If you’re married, living together and generally happy, do most people send Christmas cards to both of you?

Now I do appreciate it’s nice to receive a card in these days of round robin emails extolling the virtues of giving to charity instead of sending cards, just as I appreciate it’s entirely up to the sender who they address their card to.

In a show of enormous passive aggression my husband’s former MIL sends him a card to our home addressed just to him. Every.Single.Year. She knows my name, I am step mum to her grand children.

He never sends her one. Never speaks to her. Never sees her. We’ve been married for 3 years and together for 7. I wasn’t the reason her daughter and he split.

I am expecting a torrent of first wives to come down on me like a tonne of bricks with all the usual she’s fully entitled to send a card to who she wants, he was her SIL, etc. But why not just include my name?

AIBU? Really be kind, this isn’t a big deal, it won’t change the course of anything. I’m just interested if I’m being an over sensitive dick head over this because it’s really bloody annoying.

@Isthatitnow

I don’t send her a card because I don’t really know her

Yet you expect her to send you a card?

Right!

She could have all sorts of reasons for not including you. Maybe she doesn’t feel that she knows you well enough. Ideally she should include you but you are not the main player in this. She is probably sending the card as a grandparent wanting to keep things friendly and maybe to indicate no hard feelings to your DH for whatever happened in the past.

I think it’s quite admirable that she continues in the face of your DHs stony silence. It must be a little hurtful.

If she doesn’t know you why would she send you a card?

I'd send one back from both of you. She probably blames you for him not returning a card.

Precisely that!

If it genuinely doesn't bother you - just ignore.

If it does - send a card from both of you and see what happens. If same old, then yes she's PA and weird. But so far I think she doesn't include you because you never sent her anything, but sends to DH as an old habit (they are still extended family) and so that he doesn't say to kids that grandma doesnt send him cards sort of thing.

Yanbu Maybe she is trying to get at you but who cares she's the past and your the present.. And as he doesn't respond with a card just smile and Remember that your obviously a Bigger person.. Who needs a covid carrying card anyway😂 you should send one to her with lots and lots of kisses and hugs😂 only joking Merry Christmas

What's wrong with (and family) If she can't bring herself to write your name. I think it's a dig.

Yes, it's rude. I would never send a card to a couple in the family but only addressed to one. I think you should start sending a nice one to her, from you and your partner. See what happens.

My husbands ex wife puts mine and our sons name on our card and I was a part cause of there divorce

Put the card in an envelope and send it back to her with a note enclosed saying something like
‘Dear X,
Please don’t send any more Christmas cards to me without including —‘s name. I don’t know why you do it.
Kind regards
(Husbands name) ‘
If he won’t do it, do it yourself. She’s having a nasty little dig and shouldn’t get away with it.

I actually think that if it is a jibe, the jibe might be at him, not you. She continues to send him cards but he isn’t in contact with her and doesn’t reciprocate, so my intuition is that she’s prodding away in the background reminding him of his previous family to irk him. I suppose the angle you take depends on the circumstances of the marriage split.

. i moved in with my dad to care for him after my Mum passed away.. and my brother does the same addresses Christmas cards only to my dad, My Aunt does this as well that she knows my daughters and I live here as well she writes it out just to my Dad annoys me she sends all my cousins on my mums side one each by their name.

@DENGREEN

Put the card in an envelope and send it back to her with a note enclosed saying something like ‘Dear X, Please don’t send any more Christmas cards to me without including —‘s name. I don’t know why you do it. Kind regards (Husbands name) ‘ If he won’t do it, do it yourself. She’s having a nasty little dig and shouldn’t get away with it.

Not at all passive aggressive. And writing a note like that and pretending it's from someone else? That's truly shitty.

She’s having a nasty little dig
You know her personally, do you? Presumably you must since you're so certain of her motives.

Kill her with kindness, card with all names and a dozen kisses

I think it's rude. My DH's ex MIL sends us a Christmas card every year and always includes my name.

Nope. I mean her husband should send it. And surely the whole point of the original post is to explore the ex MIL’s possible motives?

Yea of course she should include your name- she’s being silly and passive aggressive.

YANBU. As you say, it's transparent in it's intent and she doesn't even have a relationship with him. If I was him I would just write "return to MIL address" and stick it back in the post box. He must know her handwriting by now?

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe this is actually nothing to do with you at all and it's just her way of sticking the knife into him, a kind of "eff you I'm still here" effort? Either way, the fact she does this is just sad.... only a truly bitter woman would be so invested in such behaviour.

She needs a hobby.

That’s just rude and unnecessary of her. She’s just being unkind. Full stop. Sorry OP.

I honestly think even if it’s passive aggressive, it’s funny. I’d laugh not get upset.

We should emulate Thanksgiving. no cards, no gifts just a get together Covid allowing.

My hubby’s ex in-laws send a card to all of us (or rather did... but that’s another story.)
To really get on her wick I’d send her one from you guys! I still do and I can only imagine the disgust from them (and ex wife) when received ha ha :)

My partner's daughter has a baby. We have bought all sorts of things for her over time and given her money from both of us to buy what she needed for the child.
She sent him a postcard thanking 'Grandad' for the xxx and the xxx.
Last Christmas she gave him nice things and in the bag of presents was a dodgy looking stocking with hotel shaving gel and a bar of soap for me.
I know why she does it. it's designed to upset me and I just think she is a twat.
He won't pull her on it in case she falls out with him. Pathetic

It's hilarious she still sends HIM a card, let alone including you in it. It's pure idiocy whatever way you look at it so just ignore it.

I’d get one of those giant cards and send it from all of you x