I empathise totally with this. I basically work 2 jobs but DH was just laid off, has insomnia and it is a tough time for him, which can’t be helped. He's quite depressed at the moment.
It wasn’t so apparent when we both worked long hours, but now that he’s laid off, the dynamic got weirder because he is at home all the time. Yet I still handle all of childcare with help of my parents. ALL. Besides the time when my parents help (during work hours), I personally handle all feeds (EBF) and meals and baths and bedtime.
My parents say I am enabling him to be lazy. When I try to divvy up the tasks, sometimes it results in more tension, as he will argue that my 'standards' are too high for him to meet. Or, it will be done poorly meaning I have to redo it all. eg: He's broken my favourite mugs, pots (no apologies for it either), washed incredibly filthy items with delicate baby items, has failed to fix two broken lamps for half a year now, etc.
On weekends like all other days he sleeps in easily until 12noon whereas I’ll be up from 6 or 7am cleaning, tidying, dealing with baby.
The only thing I can say that has ‘helped’ me is that I realised that I began getting more resentful when I kept a detailed tally of all the ways in which he did not pull his own weight in household chores. So I stopped picking at these holes, for it was making me more unhappy.
These days I do not especially ‘thank’ him for helping, since I’ve observed that he does not thank me. There are scenarios where he may ask me to go out of my way to help him eg: when I am busy with something and I’ve asked him to change a nappy, but he may say, “can you go and bring me all the materials for the nappy change” whereas I may already have spent a whole day doing everything on my own with him not helping me get those items any way. In which case I politely inform him where to find all those items and ask him to do it himself.
For me, I try to frame it as such: I do those household chores for myself because I like a nice living environment. If the house is messy but I am busy, I’ll leave it, it can wait. I also make a point to go out to meet friends, albeit with baby strapped to me since I can't pass childcare on to him. I try to be kind to myself, if we’re tired, me and baby will lie in bed together so mummy can nap. I suppose I have found other ways to cope and to be happy. I'm very happy with baby and watching her grow.
Functionally speaking, I've now learnt that I could be a single parent and I would still be able to cope (and thrive).