Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu my boyfriend’s Facebook still says ‘single’ after 18 months

205 replies

finniesmummy · 11/12/2020 08:15

So, as title says, I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months now. His Facebook is still set as ‘single’.
It really upsets me but I’m not sure how to broach the subject and I’m loathe to cause any issues or arguments

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 11/12/2020 08:35

You’re obviously Facebook stalking him though so you don’t hate it that much...

Ginfordinner · 11/12/2020 08:36

@finniesmummy

I am so far away from ‘let’s go official on Facebook’!!! Can’t stand people like that And I think that accusation is well out of order. I hate Facebook personally and don’t even have it! It’s just the fact that he does have it, is friends with a huge amount of females on there and look to all intents and purposes as if he is completely free single and available all over it!
How do you know all about his Facebook account if you don't even have it?
Newkitchen123 · 11/12/2020 08:38

I'm confused. You want your boyfriend to announce on Facebook that he's in a relationship. Then on another post you say you hate people going official on Facebook.
One post contradicts the other. If you don't have Facebook why are you bothered?

burnoutbabe · 11/12/2020 08:39

Ah I remember the day when my boyfriend of 6 weeks asked if we could go Facebook official :-) I was 38!

But we both use it often and were clearly together anyway, tagging ourselves in early dates etc.

A person who doesn't acknowledge you at all is one to be avoided (assuming he posts regularly). Though if you are not on it, he can't tag you anyway or link to you.

Would he not post holiday pictures of the 2 of you?

Divebar · 11/12/2020 08:40

You’re obviously Facebook stalking him though so you don’t hate it that much

Yes. Judge him on his behaviour to you. All this other stuff is just noise.

Original poster
finniesmummy · 11/12/2020 08:44

Im not actually particularly bothered about the Facebook status thing. He’s friends with my brother on there and I saw it when I went into my bros room to grab something I needed. Never looked at it before then.
And yes, my bf is always on Facebook- he uses it for his business a lot.
Im mainly upset because there is no mention of me in his life anywhere and the Facebook thing just tops it off. I’ve never met his kids, friends, dad etc. I eventually met his mum and her partner about 3 months ago and that was the first she’d heard of me. When he mentioned his 2 best friends were maybe coming over to see meet up with him next week for a ‘blokes’ night, he suggested I didn’t come over that night. He says they know about me, but I have no idea if that’s true or not

OP posts:
JustAnotherPoster00 · 11/12/2020 08:44

Do you think you'll feel differently in the new year OP? After all you'll have your exams to focus on and then you'll be off to college/university Smile

If you're to old for any of that then grow up and speak to your OH because if you cant speak to your OH over something so vapid as a facebook relationship status then perhaps find a way to get some confidence before you embark on more dating, just a thought Hmm

iano · 11/12/2020 08:45

Just ask him!
How is saying something about this 'confrontational'? This doesn't sound like a great relationship. He doesn't acknowledge you and you can't express your needs

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/12/2020 08:45

I would imagine he believes he is single as he is not married and sees single or married as a binary choice.

billybagpuss · 11/12/2020 08:45

@finniesmummy

Im not actually particularly bothered about the Facebook status thing. He’s friends with my brother on there and I saw it when I went into my bros room to grab something I needed. Never looked at it before then. And yes, my bf is always on Facebook- he uses it for his business a lot. Im mainly upset because there is no mention of me in his life anywhere and the Facebook thing just tops it off. I’ve never met his kids, friends, dad etc. I eventually met his mum and her partner about 3 months ago and that was the first she’d heard of me. When he mentioned his 2 best friends were maybe coming over to see meet up with him next week for a ‘blokes’ night, he suggested I didn’t come over that night. He says they know about me, but I have no idea if that’s true or not
This is a bigger issue than fb then if he seems to be hiding you, has he met your friends.
Sunshineandflipflops · 11/12/2020 08:47

When I separated from my ex I just removed my status completely and my bf changed his to 'divorced' when he divorced. We have been together a similar amount of time to you and your bf and neither of us have changed it. It's no-one else's business who either of us are in a relationship with and it's really not high on my priority list in the grand scheme of things.

We will occasionally put photos on as a couple and tag each other though but if one of us weren't on fb then we probably wouldn't as I wouldn't really see the point.

Original poster
finniesmummy · 11/12/2020 08:47

I don’t want him to post that he is in a relationship on Facebook. But when I had Facebook, whether I was in a relationship or not, my status was blank- I didn’t show it at all. Just seems strange to be promoting ‘single’ when you’re not!
But at least I had pictures of me and my previous boyfriend on there

OP posts:
IndiaMay · 11/12/2020 08:47

Lol, just checked and mine still says single and I've been with my fiance 12 years

SoupDragon · 11/12/2020 08:48

I am so far away from ‘let’s go official on Facebook’!!! Can’t stand people like that

But you are basically doing exactly that by FB stalking him and checking his relationship status and complaining about it.

Sunshineandflipflops · 11/12/2020 08:48

@finniesmummy

Im not actually particularly bothered about the Facebook status thing. He’s friends with my brother on there and I saw it when I went into my bros room to grab something I needed. Never looked at it before then. And yes, my bf is always on Facebook- he uses it for his business a lot. Im mainly upset because there is no mention of me in his life anywhere and the Facebook thing just tops it off. I’ve never met his kids, friends, dad etc. I eventually met his mum and her partner about 3 months ago and that was the first she’d heard of me. When he mentioned his 2 best friends were maybe coming over to see meet up with him next week for a ‘blokes’ night, he suggested I didn’t come over that night. He says they know about me, but I have no idea if that’s true or not
Well that's a different matter altogether!

I don;t think he views you or your relationship as a serious one op and I'd be getting rid for someone who actually wants you to be part of their life.

Ultimateblends · 11/12/2020 08:52

You are young, he is older any bet.

This isn't about Facebook completely, this is about your relationship, and yes it does seem he is 'hiding you' - you are not actively involved in his life at all, nor on his social media, my guess is he isn't as serious as you about the relationship.

What is the age gap?

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 11/12/2020 08:53

Forget FB - the bigger issue is that you don't trust him. It's not worth staying a relationship with someone you don't trust. You may think you love him, but it's not healthy to live like this.

Prisonbreak · 11/12/2020 08:53

For someone who claims to not care at all for Facebook, you seen to really care about Facebook. All seems very high school

elenacampana · 11/12/2020 08:53

The Facebook status is the tip of the iceberg isn’t it. As others have said, the Facebook status itself isn’t an issue. However, it seems to be part of a bigger picture in which you don’t have much if any access to the rest of his life. If you don’t have a relationship with his children, this probably why you aren’t on his Facebook. 18 months in is quite a while and I would personally be addressing those things and wondering if he was as invested as me.

Pinkiii · 11/12/2020 08:53

Is fb still a thing!? I honestly thought people had moved on from that and onto other social media platforms.

I got with my husband 8 years ago and i had fb for the first year and we weren’t even friends on there. I had no concerns about his commitment to me.

The relationship status thing was big when fb was first around but honestly i don’t think anyone even looks at that stuff anymore.

Your issue is his commitment it seems, it’s not a fb issue

rorosemary · 11/12/2020 08:54

If after 18 months his riends and family don't know about you then you are not his girlfriend.

AlternativePerspective · 11/12/2020 08:56

Bit of a drip-feed there OP.

Facebook is a red herring. TBH I have no idea what mine even says, I do know that whenever I click on my profile it seems to suggest that most of my information isn’t on there, Grin I also know someone whose profile states that he is married to a woman he divorced about five years ago and lists his DD’s age as five years younger than she now is, even though he’s married to someone else...

But if you’ve never met his friends and family after eighteen months and his mum didn’t even know about you then clearly he doesn’t see you in the same way you see him.

On that basis alone I would get rid.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 11/12/2020 08:57

The FB thing isn't really important - mine still says I'm married but I've been widowed for nearly 2 years. But if he is keeping you secret and his family and friends don't know you exist, then that is a problem.

peardrops1 · 11/12/2020 08:58

Why is everyone being such a dick to the OP? Yes, FB is lame, but why are so many posters wilfully missing the point of the OP's post, which is NOT that she wants to be 'FB official', but that she's worried her boyfriend has made no mention of her anywhere. Which could be a bad sign or could just be a reflection of him not using FB much. OP, the only way to clear this up is to ask him about it.

cherryblossomx3 · 11/12/2020 09:06

at risk of being offensive, the age groups are really showing on this post.

OP, I do actually get where you are coming from. I left mine as single (accidentally) when me and my partner got engaged. He was a bit sulky one day and I asked what was up and he thought I was trying to hide it from people. So I do see why this would make you wonder, especially when social media has a notorious rep as a way to speak to other people. Just ask him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread