Resort manager has a point?

[Redredwine2020]

Just been absolutely roasted and kicked out of a FB group for my opinion on this.

AIBU to think the parent should have considered what resort she was booking? Their website is very clear.

www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g298461-d477886-r778557585-Plantation_Bay_Resort_And_Spa-Lapu_Lapu_Mactan_Island_Cebu_Island_Visayas.html

For full disclaimer I have two ridiculously noisy children with additional needs, I specifically ensure our holiday resorts are suitable. I don't think its fair to subject a resort full of holidaymakers who have specifically chosen a quiet resort to them?

I think there are good reasons some people worry about this kind of thing being used to keep certain people out of certain places in a way that shouldn't happen.

However, I don't think that's really what's going on here. This is basically a specialty resort, just like an adults only resort, or a anything goes sexually resort. It's specifically catering to people who want quiet, so it's kind of silly to go when you are not going to be quiet. The reason doesn't matter.

When I travel I very much like to stay in inns, old homes with neat stuff. But I have a preschooler, so I don't, because she isn't reliable with people's neat stuff. In fact generally I don't stay in any inn with small kids, I prefer something more like a little apartment or cabin or a campground, because it's better for everyone - including other people.

Why. turn it to adults only?
Not all children make a noise.
Not all children enjoy the noise from others.

Mine when he has a noise overload, including the happy screiking from others, he doesn't scream. He lashes out violently. Both my boys do although thankfully as they are getting older these violent outbursts are decreasing.
Until around 8, I was their main focus for their rage. Now their violence is self inflicted mainly. One thing that has never gone is them hitting their heads against something.

Bring on more managers like this one who enforce the rules of the business for the intended users. Why should we be listening to several mobile calls in quiet restaurants?
Why should we have to listen to music blaring from various devices? Never mind the pings, the calls, the tv shows and game noise?

I have lost count the amount of times we have had to leave quiet zones because people don't have any respect. It's cost me an absolute fortune over the years to rent places for exclusive use because of selfish entitled arseholes who think quiet doesn't apply to them.

I have lost count the amount of times we have had to leave quiet zones because people don't have any respect

Yeah it seems common for people to think it does not apply to them. Once at a quieter cinema viewing, there was this dad with his child, and from about a quarter of the way through the film the child kept screaming on at the top of her voice, he was just kind of looking at people and shrugging, saying 'shes usually quiet' then basically ignoring. Where surely what you would do in such a situation would be to remove the child. Its what I would do anyway, if it had been my child ruining it for everyone else, yet he seemed to think that everyone else should just deal with it. Eventually a staff member came in and said something to him, not sure what (maybe offered free tickets at another time) and he did leave. But, you would think once it became clear the child was not going to shush, he would have gone anyway, at least until he managed to calm her down, then come back. But no, seemed to think quiet was just something people wanted but wouldn't mind it being broken, rather than it being what many in there needed.

The stated aim of an autism friendly cinema screening isn’t to exclude autistic people who can’t avoid making noise. I’ve searched for “quiet sessions” etc at vie and the odeon and several other cinemas that we don’t have locally but I can’t find any that provide the service you describe. Perhaps we are talking about different screenings

The autism friendly sessions are different to the quiet sessions. Though generally, the autism friendly ones ARE quieter (and less glaring lights also) also.

Also

The stated aim of an autism friendly cinema screening isn’t to exclude autistic people who can’t avoid making noise.

The aim, would be to have a quiet session for those who cannot tolerate noise. This does not mean the 'aim' is to exclusde autistic people who can't avoid making noise

The autism friendly showings arranged by dimensions are anything but silent in the expectations.

They are much more relaxed, lights up and volume down. If a child needs to bounce a bit or laughs inappropriately that’s fine. That’s what the showings are to allow.

I'm not reading 20 pages so apologies if this has been mentioned but it doesn't sound like the lifeguard cover is really adequate if they have to rely on silence to realise when someone is in trouble (i understand it's a quiet resort which is fine but the manager's response made it sound like safety is the main reason for quiet).

I understand there must be difficulties travelling with a child who has additional needs so feel for the mother but yes, essentially there are different resorts for different needs and this is set up for peace and quiet. If this has been laid out then the hotel aren't in the wrong.

I wonder if the manager could have helped arrange a transfer to a child friendly hotel though, once they realised the lad had SEN. They must have links with other resorts nearby and people make mistakes in terms of misunderstanding policy.

Can you link to “quiet sessions” @VulvaPerson I can’t find them. I was talking about autism friendly sessions so as I said “Perhaps we are talking about different screenings”.

I think the "autism" and similar should be dropped generally and sessions should be called by levels of noise. Then it would stop some people coming in in quite or noisy times and having and causing issues. And I am saying some because obviously not everyone gets that others may have different needs to them no matter how hard people or websites try to explain it...

Probably is different things then. I cannot link to them as..it appears the website doesn't mention them, however when buying tickets, there are sessions where it is made clear they are 'quiet' sessions and are advertised as such (though never seen to have anything up to bloody date on, ever!) and disabilities where people are especially sensitive to noise are actively mentioned on the ads. The autism friendly showings I have been to have been 'quiet' but noise made inside the room is not classed in that.

empireconsett.co.uk/whats-on/

Might be able to find different showings on there. I can't, however, they do exist. Here anyway! As a seperate thing to the 'autism friendly' sessions. As, well the need for quiet is a different thing anyway really I would say!

Well we have autism friendly, which is quieter films, and less lighting and such, along with an expectation of some children/adults not being totally silent/still and such.

Quiet sessions. Specifically about behaviour inside the room aswell as lower volume in generally and less lighting.

Parent and baby sessions. Self explanatory, however, from when I utilised this, it seems it does not HAVE to be a parent and baby, but it does need to be people who will understand that babies may cry and such, so anyne who is 'tolerant' to babies it seems.

Fairly sure I saw one advertised where it was louder than usual, possibly so the film could be heard over any disruption? Thats just memory though and I may have misread, and not one I would want to go to at all! There is ads for all kinds of viewings, usually put out on FB or the likes. Works really well, or has, except for the once in my experience. The main issue I have with it though, is it seems to be not a..'this film is out now, have the option to see it' type place. It does give options for different kinds of disabilities, however, its all older stff, not recent. Would be nice if I could find a 'quiet' session that would be good for DD in any of the mainstream cinemas..so she can see things that her friends talk about now.

Sorry, that was in reply to SchrodingersImmigrant, thought I quoted!

No worries. That's good there is variety. I saw autism friendly screenings advertised in hours. I assumed it was quiet one including behaviour, but it's true that the spectrum is just so big it may cover way too many different needs and cause friction 🤔

but it's true that the spectrum is just so big it may cover way too many different needs and cause friction

Yeah, fairly sure the only reason ours has so many is because there were complaints from a couple of parets I know ages back that the 'autism friendly' viewings were not friendly for their autistic children, and the quieter sessions seem to be born out of that complaint. Or thats the story I am told anyway! Regardless of how it ended up how it is, its a godsend for me really. Though as I said, would be good if mainstream cinemas could do something similar, but have not found it yet, the 'autism friendly' seems to not cover those who are especially sensitive to noise, only those more likely to make noise. As is autism is some one size fits all thing, when obviously it is not and affects many differently.

seems to not cover those who are especially sensitive to noise, only those more likely to make noise. as explained up thread these are not mutually exclusive sections of the autistic community.

Some cinemas it's called Relaxed screenings. One of the places we use because of the quiet areas etc.

whatson.bfi.org.uk/Online/default.asp?BOparam::WScontent::loadArticle::permalink=relaxedscreenings&BOparam::WScontent::loadArticle::context_id=

EveryMan also has a number of different screenings, including specifically for noise makers

www.everymancinema.com/general-faqs

I used to run a library and once a fortnight between 5 - 6.30 we had a childrens activity of some kind. It could be anything from a quiz to a craft session with 10-15 kids. There was no separate space for these events so the noise would drift down the room.

I had one reader who used to sit at the back of the library glaring at the junior library (it was part of the main room) and rolling her eyes. One night she complained about the noise level.

I told her "Im sorry you were disturbed but there is no rule of silence here and this is an official activity. The library is for everybody, including children. If you wish to study I suggest you avoid the evenings when there is an activity here and use the central reference library instead.

Some people are so entitled.

Relaxed screenings like autism friendly screenings allow noise.

Your right, don't fret fb can bugger off

I do see both sides - but I'm definitely on the side of the Resort's response on this one. If their Ts & Cs made this stuff quite clear then she could have gone somewhere where her child would have had a much easier time of things.

@5zeds

Relaxed screenings like autism friendly screenings allow noise.

Great it's good to hear of facilities being inclusive.

It's also good to hear of facilities being inclusive of children/adults suffering from noise sensitivity.

The fact that those things might not be compatible does not in any way make them discriminatory.

Your arguments on this thread are akin to a meat eater demanding a steak at the only vegan restaurant in town and being outraged at it not being provided, when you can go to any one of 20 restaurants in the vicinity and eat steak from people who have experience and the will to cook it properly....,

I agree that she should have checked the rules if the resort however the manager sounds like an arse in his response. That passive aggressive comment about the mother not wanting or being able to control her child. Fuck off. Doesn't like children and doesn't understand or wish to accommodate special needs children.

It would put me off going there. Although I really like peace and quiet and would choose an adult only resort I also don't like loads of rules and being told off while in holiday. Sounds like the sort of place where that could happen.

If you read a few posts down another guest wasn't allowed a phone conversation. Would be interested to hear the detail on that.

As a rule I also don't frequent places or buy things from businesses who argue with customers who leave a bad review. Unless they have very good reason (ie I've seen one response making it clear the "customer" leaving the review had never actually been a customer. IME that's indicative of poor customer service.

I was with this manager for the first paragraph, he then got a bit nasty and passive aggressive and ridiculous with his covid point, and he lost me.

@DeRigueurMortis To be clear if you are excluded from something/somewhere because of your disability then it is discrimination, if that is “justified” is a different question.

The assumption that people who make involuntary noise (or indeed inappropriate verbalisations) are not often ALSO sensitive to sound and other environmental triggers is just incorrect and honestly makes me wonder what if any experience posters have of these sorts of disabilities.

My real concern is the strident insistence that autism friendly shopping hours and cinema showings are not welcoming to people who can’t keep quiet or still. This is NOT the case and is precisely why these sessions were set up. As demonstrated up thread the “rules” in cinemas are not as was being presented. You may think this doesn’t matter very much. That parents will just find out how things work in their own area. Having listened to many parents (and adult autistics) over the years and having experienced it myself I think it’s very important to encourage families and individuals to travel and shop and use facilities. I’m fairly passionate about it. Disabled people can and should be included wherever possible. Inclusion is not being tolerated, it is being welcomed.

As I’ve said this resort isn’t one I’d visit any more than I’d visit a resort where race/religion/sex were an “issue”. It’s not what I want to promote in the world and so my money would go to other hotels and amenities. If you like what they are supporting then by all means do choose to holiday there.